Home is Where the Heart is
by ChasingWolves
Summary: Kira is a fifteen year old girl with her whole life ahead of her, until her whole world came to a crashing stop. Quickly Kira discovers that she is alone and definitely not in Kansas anymore, as she finds herself trapped in her favorite book series she's faced with a choice and a chance to save lives. Only can she survive long enough to do it? M for violence
1. Crash Landing

**Prologue**

**Crash landing**

The white light was disorienting as it pierced through my closed eyelids, my body was already humming in pain as I wiggled my fingers. _Yup, _I thought with a cringe, my pinky was definitely broken or at least popped out of place.

My other hand was perfectly intact as I slowly moved it up to touch on the sore spot above my right eyebrow, feeling the slick sticky surface I pulled my fingers away and squinted at the red liquid that coated them.

So far the injury count was up by two. Wetting my dried cracked lips my hands fumbled for the buckle that held me strapped to the seat, that once was a part of a privet jet, finding purchase on the clasp I pressed the release.

The straps slackened but nothing happened. Blinking in confusion I raised my eyes to look straight ahead, right back to the blinding sunlight that was overhead. I was lying on my back. I realized with a grateful sigh, at least I didn't fall causing more injuries to my throbbing body.

I laid still staring at the clouds as my mind numbed itself to the world. _It's quiet. _I realized finding the silence odd and rather discomforting. That's when I realized what was wrong with this entire thing, it wasn't just that out airplane had been shot out of the sky. It was the silence.

"M...mom!" I crocked pulling myself out of the seat onto the damp grass, "dad!" I called out again louder this time as I struggled to get onto my hands and knees. My ribs are bruised...if not broken, I realized as each movement caused waves of pain and nausea to shoot through my entire being.

"Kayden!" I called out for my brother as tears freely streamed down my cheeks, the silence was deafening now as my mind when to the worst possible conclusion.

_They didn't survive the crash landing...I'm...I'm alone. _

It took a lot of trying and failing, as I stumbled through the wreckage gagging on each breath I took. The smell of smoke and gas were slowly suffocating me, bringing the sleeve of my black leather jacket up to cover my nose and mouth I attempted to breathe through it.

Night time was vastly approaching, and there still wasn't a trace of my family or the small crew that had been on board. I had found my luggage and some other useful things like food water and a first aid kit, but other than that there wasn't a trace of any other person, living or dead.

Wrapping my arms around myself I sat on the damp grass with my bag resting against my lag, watching as the sky darkened. _Someone has to be looking for me...for us._ I thought as my left hand, the one without a broken finger, reached down to pull out my dad's knife from my boot.

Slipping it from its protective case I held it firmly in my hand, the way my father had taught me to, I had never had a reason to use it before, just like outside of the shooting range I'd never had a reason to fire a gun something I now wish I had. Nightfall would bring out any dangerous predators, so I was grateful to have at least a meager weapon at my disposal.

_Tomorrow I'll have to move. Try to find some sort of civilization and get help. If my family is out here, I won't be able to find them on my own. I'll need the help._ My stomach turns at the thought, normally you're supposed to stay at the site of the wreck and wait for help. But a crash landing on a hill that feels more like a mountain side, it's hard to think anyone is coming.

Wrapping my arms tighter around my knees I sit and wait, because that's all I can do in the darkness of night.


	2. We're not in Kansas anymore

**Chapter one**

**Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore**

It felt like I hadn't slept in days.

All I could do was keep moving forward, not knowing if I'd ever find civilization. Thoughts of finding my family alive were fading each day, especially after a black bear came across the crash site forcing me to grab my bag and run.

And I ran, and ran. To the point that my legs cramped with pain, where my vision blurred and catching my breath was nearly impossible. I didn't stop for long before I forced myself to stand on wobbly legs and to walk.

I couldn't give up, couldn't stop longer then I needed to. If I did I wouldn't get back up.

Auto-pilot had kicked in from the moment I started moving, I'd stop at every tenth tree which wasn't as far apart as one would think to carve an arrow head pointing in the direction I had come from. That way I'd be able to find my way back.

The walk dragged on for what seemed like a life time, a never ending loop of me moving forward. With very little to distract myself with I let my mind shut down, to become numb. Too afraid to think of what I was walking away from. To horrified to think my family might be dead and not wanting to face the grief of that reality.

Hours turned into days, I'd run out of food and water hours ago and was only just dropping down from a tree branch where I had chosen to spend my night when I realized my mistake. The growl vibrated my entire being as my eyes widened and landing on...a coyote? A wolf? I didn't know. I'd never seen one so up close.

The same amount of time it took me to draw out my knife it was already lunging for me. My arm was up prepared to fend off its attack, but my mind was not as it reeled with the very immediate death that surely this creature would cause me.

My body was hurled to the ground with enough force that all the air left my lung and left me gasping as it mouth closed around my right arm. The scream tore through my throat as my left hand, knife held tightly, repeatedly embedded it's self into the dogs fur around its throat and head.

The first one caused the creature to grown and tighten its grip, effectively snapping the bone in my arm. The second received a small whimper as its grip loosened slightly. The third ceased all movement the dog made bringing its entire body weight down on me.

My breathing was wild, as my eyes widened with the realization of what I had just endured and came out on top of. When my dad said he'd be taking me hunting up at the cabin this summer I don't think he had something like this in mind.

Struggling I rolled its weight off of me, slowly I stood realizing I wasn't in the clear yet. I could see the other one running towards me, it's body a muddy brown colour, instinct took over it was a fight or flight situation and I'd already fought and barely came out alive so this time if I wanted to survive I'd have to run.

Scooping up my bag I turned and ran. Adrenaline pushing me forward and keeping me just far enough away from deaths grasp. The trees were started to thin out as I seen what I only assumed to be a clearing.

A part of me wanted to attempt climbing a tree, after all dogs can't climb, but weighting out the pros and cons I was sure that I wouldn't get high enough before its jaws got a hold of me. With that thought I pushed forward in to what was a clearing.

Squinting ahead I seen something, about ten yards away I could make out buildings. That meant people. More importantly that meant safety.

Pushing myself harder then I'd ever done in track, I was coming up the a fence and braced myself to jump through the wires knowing the each one was separated by two feet I decided I could make it. Springing off of the ground I dived for the fence and landed on the other side in a tuck and roll fashion.

I didn't get to stay down and relax for long, I barely had the chance to catch my breath before someone was hulling me up by my uninjured arm. My head snapped up to meet ice blue eyes, and older man was staring back at me with an usually red face and short gray hair.

I watched as his featured shifted from astonishment to confusion and then settled on displeasure. "Who are you?" He asked keeping his voice low but stern, that's when I realized the group of on lookers that had formed.

I also noticed how strangely dressed they all looked, including the man in front in me wearing some kind of white body armor. It was at that moment I was struck with a strong sense of day'ja'view as I recalled the book series I had only finished the night before the crash, and the movie I was planning to watch when we made it to the cabin.

_Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore. _

"I asked you a question." The man stated trying to remain calm as he watched me process my situation closely.

"Kira," I crocked then attempted to clear my throat "Kira Collins." I watched his forehead crinkle as he thought about how strange my name was, before he straightened and took in the growing crowd. I suppose if I just watched a strange girl jump through a fence that was supposed to be electrified I'd be a tad bit curios too.

His grip tightened on my arm as he turned back to face me, his face becoming a darker shade of red from his irritation. "Come with me." He stated before starting to pull me through the crowd, as I stumbled behind him trying to ignore the intense pain my body was in.

The adrenaline that had numbed the pain had vanished as I sat crumbled in a chair cradling my broken arm.

The Peacekeeper, Cray I had found out when he instructed me to sit down, had been questioning me for over an hour at the Justice Building. It was obvious I wasn't from here, even if I did look like I was a part of the Seam, I had confirmed that I was on a hovercraft that crashed in the side of the mountain, which was only a white lie after all I did crash there.

He then started asking if I was from the capitol, which I had the good sense to tell the truth about, after all he would have found out in minutes I was lying if I claimed to be from the capitol. Then he started asking if I was a criminal, I also went with the truth about that.

"So then why the hell were you out there?!" He snapped obviously thinking I had lied to him.

"I'm not from the districts." I answered quietly, I knew it was clear in my body language and tone how broken I was, I knew it and hated it. I looked up watching him press his lips together, thinking over my words. I could see the trace of pity in his eyes, if it wasn't for the pain and the situation I had found myself in I would have straightened and made that look disappear faster than my family had.

Cringing at the thought I asked the only question that mattered at this point, "What are you going to do to me?" I took in how the question or perhaps the fact I had asked at all took him off guard.

"I'm going to verify your story with the capitol. But first we should get you looked at by one of our doctors." He stated getting out of his chair, shocking me to my core. I had read that the Peacekeeper's weren't friendly that they were here to enforce the rules, but I guess that was after book one.

Nodding mutely I slowly followed him out, ignoring his hand the circled the bicep on my good arm the held my injured on to my chest. We walked through the town square like this, where all of the legit shops were and kept going for at least ten minutes. Never did I raise my eyes to look up, hoping that if I kept my head down and ignored this reality it would go away.

When we stopped at what I would describe as a medium sized hut, Cray pounded on the front door. I was certain he didn't do this out of urgency but simply because he could. A woman with blonde hair tied up answered the door, trying to keep her exposure calm but I could read how nervous the pounding had made her as she only half opened the door.

Her worry gave way to confusion when her eyes landed on my torn and beaten form. "Cray," she greeted the man evenly, "how can I help you?"

"This one needs some medical tending," he stated ducking his chin towards me, "mind if we come in Mrs. Everdeen?" It wasn't really like she could refuse, so she opened her door and stepped back leading us to a small kitchen.

Where for the first time I got a look at Katniss and Prim Everdeen. They stood at the far end of the kitchen, Katniss had her hands tightly grasping her younger sister's shoulders keeping the girl in place. "Take a seat," she spoke looking at me, "and remove your jacket."

Pushing past how odd it felt to be in their kitchen I sat down on one of the old looking wooden chairs, slipping my jacket off of my good arm before doing the same to the injured side hissing in pain as the leather pulled and tore away from the dried blood causing the wound to start bleeding again.

"What happened?" Mrs. Everdeen asked examining the gaping holes in my forearm.

My mouth opened to respond but the voice that came out wasn't mine, "She was bit by a wild dog." Cray stated leaning against the kitchen counter eyeing Mrs. Everdeen and me keenly before his gaze shifted to where I knew Katniss and Prim were.

My gaze shifted back to Mrs. Everdeen as her face set in to an all business one, "Prim boil some water." She instructed as I glanced up catching Katniss leaving the room as her sister went to fallow her mother's orders.

"I'm going to need stitches," I groaned at the realization as I let my head roll back onto the back of the chair. I'd never had stitches before, I've broken a few bones here and there sure but that was normal with martial arts and acrobat lessons. All this blood...stitches that was not normal for me.

"You will." Mrs. Everdeen confirmed as she disinfected the area causing me to cringe and resist moving away.

"I think it's broken, my pinky finger too." I stated feeling myself start to get light headed with all of the blood loss, pain and lack of food in my system.

I seen the scowl that crossed her features as she nodded, "anything else?" she questioned clearly annoyed with my physical condition.

"Got pretty banged up...in the crash...my head...my ribs are probably bruised." I struggled to keep conscious as her eyes locked on mine, and her expression visible softened.

"Don't fight it, it's easier if you sleep through it."


	3. Never ending Nightmare

**Chapter two**

**Never ending nightmare**

Cray wasted no time having me placed in a community home. In my first week at district twelve I quickly realized that I was a pariah, the children in and outside of the house avoided acknowledging me at all costs and the adults weren't much better. I also learned that our caretakers didn't care less when I came back, or if I came back at all.

I was only just getting used to the feeling of being hungry all of the time, something that everyone seemed to suffer from in the district. Making me realize how much I had taken for granted and how little thought I had given to this fact while reading the books.

I didn't eat on the lunch break, a lot of kids didn't because they had no money to buy any of the food in the cafe. So instead they conversed. I sat silently watching people with mild interest, I had a table to myself and I knew that was because no one wanted to sit with me, after all they all thought I was from the capitol.

I wouldn't want to sit with me either. So I don't blame them.

The first warning bell rang, signaling that lunch would soon be over. Getting up I started to make my way to the doors that would lead to the halls filled with class rooms. "It's Kira, right?" two blondes stopped me half way to the door, in the center of the cafe.

One was tall with straight strawberry blonde hair, the other was shorter with blonde curls. Trying to shrug off the surprise I nodded with a small smile, this was the first person that acknowledged me willingly after all.

"I love your shirt," she stated holding a plastic cup up towards her lips, like she was about to take a sip, before splashing the liquid all down the front of my white short sleeved button up and red vest. Gasping in surprise I took a step back do to the cold liquid only looking back up when they started to giggle.

"Oupse, I'm sorry. Did I do that?" She asked with a faked shocked expression.

"Don't worry," her friend assured her, "the capitol will just send her a new one. Will probably be on the next train," she stated before meeting my gaze, venom dripping from every word like she truly believed what she was saying, "right?"

I could feel my blood boiling, what had I done to deserve this? Escape death? Clenching my jaw and fists at my sides as I decided I wasn't going to turn and walk away, not this time.

"You know what?" I started "Go ahead." I stated calmly throwing my arms out to my side, in an 'I'm open gesture,' "throw your food at me, dump your drinks on me. Do whatever it is you think you have to in order to feel better." I stated taking a step closer causing the taller one, the one who hadn't thrown the drink to take a startled step back.

"Punish me for the pain the capitol has inflicted on you, go ahead because they don't care." I could feel myself calming down as I continued, because what I was saying was the truth. "They don't care about you or me," I stated pointing at them and then at myself "or that I don't belong here."

Biting at the inside of my cheek I forced myself to continue, "I get it, okay? You and everyone else have lost loved ones because of them, but do you know something?" I paused seeing I had their and a lot of others attention at this point. "I've lost everything." My voice cracked before I took a deep breath in through my nose. "My family, my friends, my home." again I paused letting the words sink in "but go ahead, nothing you do will make me feel any worse then I already do."

Spinning on the heel of my black boots I walked out of the cafe, reminding myself with each step not to run and not to cry because no one deserves the satisfaction.

This was the third day in a row I found myself sitting on the inside of the fence where I had emerged from last week. I'd sit here for hours letting my thoughts wonder uninterrupted by the district, it had quickly become the only place I could think without worrying over anyone seeing my armor crack and fall away.

Until today.

"Hey," a voice snapped me from my thoughts "are you alright?" he asked as I turned to face whoever was behind me. I could feel my voice failing me out of the shock, so I nodded in response. "Mind if I sit?" he asked again, this time I shrugged and scotched a fraction of an inch.

Seconds later the spot was occupied by this other person, keeping my eyes down on the grass I continued to fiddle with the strands. "That was brave, what you did earlier." He stated trying to get some type of conversation going, "I think you shocked the hell out of them."

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I tilted my head to look at him, catching the faintest of smiles from him as I do. "Oh, I'm Peeta by the way." He stated after a moment of silence.

Biting at the inside of my lip I had to prevent the words _'I know' _from coming out, instead I responded with my own name.

"I know." He stated without missing a beat, "so what happened?" He asked flickering his gaze to my bandaged up forearm and the medical tap covering up my forehead just above my right eyebrow, hiding the wounds that were slowly healing.

Raising an eyebrow at him I watched as he blushed and started to back track, "you don't have to...I mean, I'm sorry. That was rude." now I laughed and shook my head, placing my gaze on the meadow beyond the fence.

"Its fine, my head and pinky," I started trying to wiggle the limb that was still held straight by a splint, "I got into an accident. Our hovercraft crashed into the side of those mountains." I stated lifting my hand to point at the green and brown peeks that could just barely be seen beyond the woods.

"After that I started making my way through the woods, I was walking for days." I stated feeling myself being pulled back into the memory of the endless walk, sighing I shook my head to clear it, "anyway just before I made it here I was attacked by a wild dog, that's how this happened." I stated lifting my arm briefly before letting it fall back into my lap.

"Wow." Peeta breathed as I glanced over to see the evident shock, "that must have been terrifying." He stated causing me to hold back my frown and nod, as thought's of everything he survives in the books came to the forefront of my mind.

"It wasn't fun," I state finally trying to keep out all of the intrusive thoughts. Silence settles between us again, this one longer then the last before I glance over to see him deep in thought.

It should have felt awkward, and maybe for him it did, but sitting in silence with Peeta to my left felt more comforting then it did when I was alone. We stayed this way until the sun started to set, only then did I break the silence.

"It's pretty," I spoke startling Peeta, "the sunset." I stated to clarify.

A small smile graced his lips as he nodded, "it's my favorite time of day." He stated which brought back the memory of him telling Katniss about his favorite colour and how it was the same shade as the orange that was currently in the sky.

"I like the it when the first stars start to come out," I stated remembering the countless nights I spent under the stars.

"I should get home," Peeta stated with a sigh. I nodded knowing I should too return to my condemnation at the community home, but not wanting to say it aloud. "tomorrow if you want to, you can sit with us." Peeta stated standing up, again surprising me.

"Us?" I repeated looking up at his tall form towering above me sitting one.

"With me and my friends," he stated scratching at the back of his neck, I smiled and thanked Peeta before watching him walk away.

It wasn't long before I left too, heading back to the community home where I shared a room with four other girls only having sheets hung up around the room for privacy. Needless to say that was something I'd never get used to.

Bolting up right, my hands grabbed on to the thin quilt for dear life turning my knuckles white, I could hear the beat of my heart racing as I took in my surroundings the way I've done every morning waking up here.

Another nightmare, I tell myself in an attempt to slow my breathing and relax my stiff muscles.

But waking up does little to calm my racing heart beat, because I know too well where I am and that it's not safe, not really. I'm living my nightmare, sure I'm not falling from the sky to my death or being torn apart by wolves or watching my family meet their end but that's because it's already happened and I'm left to live with it for the rest of my life. Alone. That's what a true nightmare is, when you wake up and realize you're never really going to be okay.

It was my never ending nightmare.

"Why do you do that?" A girl's voice broke me from my thoughts, Diara was the oldest orphaned girl here, and she had long dark hair and the gray seam eyes.

"Do what?" I asked smoothing out the blanket that had been in my hands moments before.

"Wake up like you're having a panic attack." She stated crossing her arms studying me, we hadn't spoken at all really, she was older than me and from what I could tell kept to herself mostly.

"I guess that's because I probably am," I stated "having a panic attack." It was the truth, one that I hadn't thought of but who wouldn't after having their life changed in such a way?

"Nightmares huh," she stated catching my attention again, only now her eyes were roaming the top of her dresser instead of reading me. "I used to get them, too. After my dad died when I was seven then losing my mom at eleven, I thought they'd never go away."

A pang of sympathy stilled my breath in my throat for a moment, of course she knew what I was going through, to a varying degree all of the kids here did. After all we were all orphans now. "Did they?" I asked catching her eye, "Go away I mean."

"Some nights, other's not so much." She stated with a shrug again turning her eyes on me like she was trying to figure me out, "you'll be ok though." She stated after a minute catching me off guard.

"What?" I asked raising my eyebrows at her in a question. She sounded so sure like she knew something I didn't, or at least something I had forgotten.

This time a small smile tilted her lips, "you're a fighter. A survivor. A lot of people seen you, you know?" She stated again, confusing me even further which must have shown on my face because she continued. "When you were running for your life? You risked being electrocuted to avoid being ripped to shreds! Something like that happens around here, it gets around." She was smiling now, there was no attempt at hiding it.

A small smile, one of the few I've had since arriving here, found its way on to my face. "And you? Are you a survivor?" I asked finally able to relax.

"I'll be ok," she stated with a shrug, "I'd be better if I didn't have to start work in the mines in a few months though." She confessed as a forlorn expression passed over her, "That's how my dad died. But that's how it goes, kids like us without a family business to take over we end up in the mines."

Nodding my head I moved to get out of bed and get ready for the day.

XX Author Note XX Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you do and don't like so far :)


	4. Murphy's Law

**Chapter three**

**Murphy's Law**

Nearly two months had passed, all my bandages had been stripped away leaving a few thin scars on my upper arm where the wild dog had punctured the skin with its teeth.

I never really ended up sitting with Peeta at lunch after we talked, we'd see each other wave and smile then go about our own business. Sometimes we'd spend time together after school, mostly in the spot where he had found me but sometimes we would go to the bakery and sit out back, until his mom yelled at him to get inside.I told myself it was best that way, after all I knew his fate and that was to be reaped in the next coming year and confess his love for Katniss and eventually after a long two years end up together.

I wished there was something I could do, but I knew that in the end it worked out...for some people anyway.

It was about that time I realized I was living a pointless life in district twelve, and that I didn't know if I would survive the fiery death that claimed the life of many or if the girls I lived with would survive. After all we weren't the main characters in this story, I wasn't supposed to even be in it.

So in the past six weeks I decided to do what I could for those around me.

Diara had started teaching me how to stitch and patch up clothing and in return I had started teaching her how to fight and defend herself, it was strange at first and I worried that if the peacekeepers found out there would be consequences. But our activities seemed to go overlooked. After awhile I taught the younger girls different skills. Amya who was twelve had wanted me to teach her how to bake, Nia who was ten had joined in after seeing how much fun Amya was having. The youngest Greer was only seven so mostly I helped her with her school work, and had started reading to her each night. The community home had become the one place where I actually interacted with people, in a way it had started to become my second home with my second family. The first being far out of my reach.

"You know, I never asked." I stated after correcting her form, then watched her do a round house kick on the dummy I had strung up in the lone tree of our bare backyard.

"Asked what?" she asked panting as she switched to punching and blocking attacks that weren't coming, again I stepped in to correct her form.

"Why you wanted to learn to fight." I stated furrowing my eyebrows, obviously I thought it was a good skill to have and that in the upcoming war it could mean the difference between life and death, but just because I knew that didn't mean she did.

"It's a good release." She stated stepping back away from the dummy I had stuffed with straw, "besides never know when it might come in handy."

With a small smile I nodded reflecting on how my dad taught me to fight, "my dad taught me." I stated after a brief silence, "told me that I didn't know what the future would hold and it could save my life, or someone else's, someday." It was strange knowing how right he had been, though I was sure he hadn't had this life in mind.

Diara was silent as she studied me, "your dad sounds like a smart man." she stated her face showing the same venerability as it did when she spoke of her parents, "can I ask you something?" She spoke up again trying to hold my gaze. "Your parents...they're dead, aren't they?" She asked hesitating, it was obvious in the moment she knew she was entering what was possibly dangerous territory at the very least an emotional one. Blinking at her I stared silently, almost wondering if she'd take the question back like Peeta had to a similar one. But she didn't.

Swallowing around the lump that had formed I decided to answer her honestly, "I don't know. I think so." My voice was quiet, weak in my moment of doubt and grief.

"How can you not know?" I could hear the accusation, feel the burn like a slap to the face because it was the same one I threw at myself every night, how could I have left without being sure? So I explained how I couldn't find my family after the crash, and how because a bear showed up I had to flee. "Do you think about going back?" Diara asked, our training session long forgotten. Grimacing I nodded, of course I thought about going back but a part of me knew even if they were alive my family wouldn't have stayed at the wreckage site. No, they would have sought out civilization like I had. And if they hadn't survived, that wasn't really something I wanted to see. "It's probably for the best that you don't." Diara stated looking far off, "not if you want to come back anyway. I don't think they'd let you cause a scene like that twice." There was a tilt to her lips telling me how amusing she found my initial apperance.

Shaking my head I caught a glimpse of the fence that I could see from our yard, beyond it the woods where I knew Katniss and Gale were probably hunting, when a thought occurred to me. "The kids don't eat well," I stated barely above a whisper, but still catching Diara's attention.

"None of us eat well," she stated frowning at the sudden change in conversation.

"Could I ask you to cover for me?" I asked feeling a little more excited then I had since arriving, confusion crossed her features as she crossed her arms and fallowed the line of sight my eyes had traveled in.

"You're going to leave. Now?" I caught her eye and the disapproval that went with it.

"To hunt." I stated so she didn't think I was running away to try and find my missing, more than likely dead, family.

"To hunt..." she repeated slowly, "you have a death wish. You know that, right?"

I shrugged, "if I get caught, or killed it's on me. Just if anyone asks, say you haven't seen me since I went for a morning run?" I asked again, to only receive a nod in response. Without wasting time I jogged into the house and our room where my knife was hidden away and slipped it into my boot.

I had only entered the forest a few minutes ago, navigating silently through the underbrush I tried not to over think the fact that I was hunting with a knife or that the last time I was in these woods I had almost lost my life.

I kept my knife drawn and stayed crouched as I spotted a rabbit eating its grassy breakfast. Taking three even breaths I steadied my nerves, trying to convince myself this was just like shooting a bow at target practice even if this was a breathing and moving target, with a flick of my wrist I released the knife and watched it glide through the air with ease and find purchase on the rabbit.

The same time an arrow embedded into its skull.

I knew right away without moving, that Katniss and I had placed our sights on the same rabbit. I should have found it odd and have been mystified at the odds of us targeting the same animal considering how vast these woods were. Of course I didn't. _Go figure. _I thought rolling my eyes, this whole thing was starting to feel like the universe was pushing us together. Taking me to Mrs. Everdeen's place when there are other medics in the town, Peeta being the first person to befriend me...

Maybe I was making something out of nothing, or this was a case of Murphy's Law.

Standing I walked out from behind the bushes to find Katniss and Gale examining the rabbit that had both our weapons embedded in it. I took a few steps before Gale looked up and within seconds Katniss had her bow trained on me. Putting my hands up in a surrendering manner I stopped moving, "I just want my knife. The kill's yours." I stated waiting for her to lower her weapon. Only she didn't.

"Only you butchered it, it's not even worth half the original price." She was aggravated, which was easy to tell since she kept her bow trained on me. Frowning I started to wonder if she was serious, but of course this was Katniss Everdeen, hunting and trading was her lifeline.

"Well are you going to shoot me then?" I asked raising an eyebrow and dropping my hands, sending me one of her best death glairs she lowered her weapon. In the brief silence I moved and pulled out my knife, making a mental note to bring something to clean off the blade the next time I came out, I grimaced and wiped in clean on my pants. Neither made any move to stop me as I walked away, which came as no surprise, ignoring their stares that caused the hairs on the nap of my neck to raise I decided to search for a dry and dead branch laying on the forest floor to start carving a bow from.

Hunting would go much smoother with a bow and arrow in hand.

So perched up in a tree I sat, carving the branch with long even strokes from my blade then bending the branch to find its natural curve that would later guide my arrows to their target.

**Authors note: Thanks for reading! I'm half way done the next chapter so hopefully I will have that up for you soon! :) Leave a review if you enjoyed what you've read so far a simple smiley face will do so I know that this isn't completely horrible! Also if there is anything you would like to see let me know and I'll see if I can fit it into what I have planned! updated spelling/grammar errors 9/13/2014**


	5. The Games

**Chapter four**

**The Games**

Hunting every morning became routine, so had trading at the hob. I still got a few looks of contempt here and there whenever I brought in game, but that didn't stop the people from trading with me especially as the winter months had started to set in and game became harder to find.

Walking the snowy streets while I held my jacket closed tight with white glove covered fingers, I took in the scenery. Winter had descended on us nearly a month ago coating the streets in a soft cold white blanket. A cold breeze caressed my exposed skin leaving goose bumps in its wake, suppressing a shiver I let my gaze wonder. Diara and I were walking with the kids through town square, and I couldn't help but to imagine that this was a lot like reaping day, only instead of separating the young from the old everyone stood clumped together.

Holding tightly to their families.

Today was the day we honor the last victor, the victory tour, a symbol of the games coming up in six months which is used as a reminder to everyone who is actually in control of their lives. There's no check in, not for the tour the only ones that are herded around by the peacekeepers are the last tributes families. I watch as they are escorted up onto two platforms and cameras are being trained on them sending their image up on two smaller screens that are positioned behind them in the center is the big screen showing the deceased tribute. I can't explain the feeling that makes my stomach turn, but my arms are wrapping protectively around my middle.

_These are the families, _I think to myself, _the families of the ones that died six months ago. _

It's strange how connected I feel to them, especially since I've never spoken to any of them but that was before I realize the reason why I felt like them. I too had lost my entire family six months ago, sure it was different, completely different really, they had lost someone to murder to entertain the capitol and I had lost my family do to a tragic accident.

At this moment I felt a lot worse for them then I did for myself.

Frowning I turned to face forward as the capitols anthem played, I watched as the last victor took center stage and greeted the crowd fondly before starting his speech. I noticed how he didn't bring up the tributes, or give condolences to the grieving families, not once did he show any sympathy. I couldn't help but to wonder if he was a career, the assumption felt right, in the way he held himself I knew he was proud and confident and that he felt in a way invincible. But I knew how wrong he was, and in two years he would know it too.

A tugging on the bottom of my jacket snapped my attention away from his retreating back, "Kira?" Greer questioned softly, to which I hummed it response looking down at her tiny form. "Are you coming?" She asked again pointing towards Diara who had already started walking away with both Amya and Nia.

"Oh," I started shocked before smiling down at the young girl and nodding, she didn't hesitate to put her small hand in my own. We walked this way hand in hand moving silently through the dispersing crowd.

It was that night that I heard the three young girls whispering, with a thin sheet separating their beds from Diara's and my own their words were clearly heard. "I'm scared." Amya admitted, her only response was a soft whimper from Greer. Frowning I laid in bed staring up at the water stained ceiling.

_This isn't fair...this isn't right. _I thought clenching my jaw together tightly, "you're frightening Greer." Nia stated quietly as my eyes shifted to the curtain.

"What does she have to be afraid of?" Amya snapped her voice cracking at the end of her question before she continued shakily, "she's not getting reaped next year, I'm the only one going into the reaping."

"She doesn't understand that," Nia stated with a sigh, "she just doesn't want to lose anyone." There was a brief pause before Nia continued talking in a hushed whisper "and you're not alone, Kira will be in the reaping this year too."

That was the moment it hit me, she was right I would be in the reaping. My eyes returned to the ceiling looking for answers that weren't there. Of course I knew Amya was safe and that her name wouldn't be drawn, but the truth was my name hadn't been in the bowl previously did that mean there was a chance I'd be drawn at the reaping? I doubted it, and yet the thought didn't terrify me like I had thought it would.

Glaring up at the ceiling that seemed to mock me with its silence I started to go over how this went, making a mental list from the reaping's to the games and finally when Katniss and Peeta would return home. _It doesn't have to be Katniss... _I realized feeling a weight land heavy on my chest. _I know everything that is coming, I could take her place. _I realized. _If Katniss doesn't go will Peeta still get to come home? _I wondered feeling my stomach turn into knots, _Peeta... _I thought of him as I started chewing on my lower lip, it was important he came home it was important they both stayed alive, but was it absolutely necessary that Katniss volunteer?

I decided that it wasn't, that she could stay here with her family and I could go. I didn't have family here, I had no reason to stay and had tons of training already, I could go in her place. Regardless of my own survival.

_That is it then,_ I closed my eyes to the ceiling above my resolve was to go in her place. To make as big of a difference as possible and to start the rebellion.

It hadn't taken me long to find the house I'd searched out, but now that I had I stood outside of it unmoving. I had completely lost my nerve. Wetting my cracked cold lips I went over my plan again in my head, I'd ask for advice and tell him my plan of volunteering for the games.

But still I stood out in the cold worried he would turn me away, what if he was revolted by my decision to volunteer? This wasn't the same thing that Katniss had done, there was no premeditation in her actions unlike mine, I was worried he'd consider me a career and turn me away. I couldn't tell him I'd be going in place of Katniss who would volunteer for Prim, I couldn't tell him about the rebel uprising I wanted to help start or about district thirteen. The only thing I could tell him is that I planned on volunteering and helping our male tribute come home to his family.

At least that was still the truth.

"Are you going to stand there all day?" A gruff voice snapped from behind me, spinning my mouth opened and closed seeing who I assumed was Haymitch Abernathy standing a few feet below me at the bottom of his steps. He was tall standing around 6'2 and had blonde messy hair, he also held a liquor bottle in his hand confirming his identity. "Well?" He pressed snapping me from my thoughts.

"Sorry, I...I was wondering if I could talk to you." I stated pushing down my nervousness, I stood silently as I watched him study me before a frown claimed his lips.

"If you're looking for Cray you've come to the wrong place." He stated before pushing his way up the stairs bumping in to me as he made his way to his door.

Shocked I felt my face begin to heat up at the realization that he thought I was coming to sell my body before anger took over, "actually Haymitch, I've come to the right place." The irritation came out clearly as he turned a sideways glance my way before pushing his door open.

His expression was bored and disinterested, "I don't do charity." He stated coldly causing my frown to deepen. I hadn't realized how much of a jerk he was in the books.

"I'm not looking for charity." I stated not being completely honest, but I suppose I could find something to pay him back with assuming he'd train me that is.

"Then what exactly is it you are looking for?" He asked walking further into his hall way, I lingered in the open door frame.

"A mentor." I stated causing him to faultier in his steps, I watched as his shoulders stiffened before he turned and glared at me. When he didn't respond I took the chance to keep talking now that I had his undivided attention, "I plan on volunteering this year."

"And you expect me to train you? Give you an upper hand in the games?" He spat, I expected this, the disgusted look that turned to anger on his face, all of it.

"In a way," I stated honestly, "but before you jump to the wrong conclusion let me explain that I don't plan on returning." my words confused him as he continued to scowl at me, "I plan on helping our male tribute come home." I watched as he crossed his arms still holding the bottle, he was leaning against the railing that would lead up stairs to the second level of the house, he was studying me again this time not so dismissive or disgusted but more quizzically. I had his attention.

"Why?" He asked after a brief silence.

"Why, what?" I repeated confused and relieved at the same time that he would continue talking with me, at least it looked like it could go the way I wanted. The small victory made me want to smile and laugh in relief, but giving into that could easily change his mind so instead I pressed my lips firmly together in hopes he would keep the conversation going.

"Tell me why you would do that. Make me believe you, to prevent me from closing that door right now." He stated becoming impatient.

"Oh..." I started slowly unsure of what I should say, "because I don't belong here, and everyone knows it." I stated before letting the truth come out completely unable to stop the word vomit, "I've got no family here, I'm completely alone and I know how to fight, I'm a survivor and a lot of the girls here aren't. If I go someone else stays, if I die someone else lives." I whispered the last part dropping my shoulders, it wasn't my intention to go all sappy with Haymitch but that was the reason I had to go. My family was dead. I had no one. If I went and helped Peeta come home I'd be keeping him alive, keeping Katniss safe. I would've done something meaningful with my life. This in a way was all I wanted now.

"This, this is a suicide mission." Haymitch stated with narrowed eyes.

His words hit me harder than I expected, inhaling sharply I fought against dropping his gaze I needed his respect, I wanted it. "Call it what you will, personally I'd like to think of it as making sure the right person comes home."

"And what makes our male tribute any more the right person than another kid?" His question stilled the air in my lungs, because he was right. I couldn't remember all of the kids that got reaped this year, I knew Rue would be one of them didn't she deserve my help to survive? Didn't all of them?

Swallowing thickly around the lump in my throat I nodded slowly, "you're right." I stated "I can't place one life above everyone's, I'm sure that there will be many kids if not all of them that will deserve to go back home. Truthfully our district needs one of it kids to return, it needs the hope only survival can give it." I stated unsure of my own words. Silence stretched between us for what felt like an eternity, Haymitch appeared to be at a loss for words, I wondered if this happened often but my gut told me it didn't. "So, what do you say?" I asked breaking the awkward silence.

"No." He stated turning to walk further into his house.

My mouth dropped open, "No?" I repeated in a whisper watching as he got further and further away, "no?!" I repeated louder stepping into his house, only hesitating a moment before closing the door behind me. I followed him through the mess of a hallway and attempted to ignore the stench of garbage and only god knows what else to what was apparently his kitchen, "what do you mean no?" I asked as he dropped into the rickety old chair at the small kitchen table.

Popping the cork open on his bottle of liquor, he raised his eyebrows seeing me hovering in his kitchen doorway, "you really can't take a hint, can yeah?" He asked without hostility, "Why would I agree to train someone who has no intention of trying to win?" He continued before lifting the bottle to his lips.

My eyebrows furrowed together, this was the same man who told Katniss and Peeta that they should face the fact that they would die in the games, wasn't it? "I don't understand." I stated "do you think I could win?" I asked almost too eager to hear his response that would deflate me completely.

"No." He responded without hesitation.

"Then what's the problem?" I asked irritated, if he clearly thought I couldn't win then his reason for dismissing me was hardly fair. Haymitch's face hardened as he leaned back in his chair taking a swig from his bottle, "I can throw knives, hunt with a bow and arrow and I'm fast. You won't be wasting your time." I stated trying to sway him, this was becoming more work then I had first thought. I wasn't really the type of person to convince someone of anything really.

"Except for the fact you won't be trying to win," He stated again unable to wrap his head around the idea.

"No but I will be trying to keep our other tribute alive, I will be remembered because I'll have the perfect amount of rebellion in all my actions." I stated without thinking causing an unreadable look to flicker across his features.

"Remembered huh." He mused "How do you plan on doing that?"

"By breaking all the little rules, by holding the capitol accountable for every death." I paused catching his eye trying to come off as cold and hard as possible. "Because I have nothing to lose."

What I hadn't expected was for him to laugh.

**Updated spelling/grammar errors 9/14/2014 Stay tuned my next chapter should be up some time tomorrow since it's nearly finished. :)**


	6. Running out of Time

**Chapter Five**

**Running out of Time**

In a few weeks the reaping would commence, up until that point I spent every day training and hunting. School and my other obligations had fallen to the background; they didn't matter anywhere as near as much as preparing for the games. Though I wish I had a little bit more mentoring since Haymitch's training was nearly none existent, the only useful thing he had done was suggest I pick up a sword since I was unfamiliar with it and train. So every day I spent a few hours outside of his place, since there weren't any unwanted eyes, and trained. My mornings were dedicated to training, be it sword wielding or running to keep my stamina up or practicing my martial arts my afternoons to the evening hours I spent hunting.

That was what I was doing now, moving as silently as possible through the woods, I was hunting and in my sights was a young buck. Wetting my lips I held my bow steady, this would be my first deer if I could take it down. I watched as it grazed on the grass, its lunch for the day blissfully unaware I was preparing to make him my dinner. Narrowing my gaze on him I trained my arrow on its mark aiming at the side of the dear's throat, I exhaled and released. The second arrow was already soaring through the air as the first one made contact with its target. I was fast, not wanting to give the dear the chance of escape.

The buck went down as my breathing stilled surprised that I had done it, leaping over the bushes that I had used as a hiding place, I made my way to the wounded animal my knife drawn as I crouched over the dying creature. It was in pain, so as swiftly as possible I ended its life. My hands shook as I sat crouched beside it, taking a life was never an easy task for me as I sat trying to calm the shaking; lifting my gaze I took in the sheer size of the animal. There was no way I was going to be able to carry it back and dragging it would damage its coat and possibly the meat. But leaving it wasn't an option, not with the knowledge of how many people the animal could feed back in the district.

Knowing it was futile didn't stop me from trying, as determination sunk in I started by tying its front hooves together and then I shifted and tried to sling its corpse over my body. After stumbling around for a few minutes I was slowly able to hold its weight, which felt like it could crush me at any moment. Grunting and huffing a breath I blew a piece of hair that had fallen into my eyes then I staggered through the woods, worse than Haymitch did after downing an entire bottle of white liquor. "Damn, Catnip you were right." the unexpected sound had me tripping over my own feet, dropping the deer to keep from falling flat on my face I glared at the two standing a good yard away. Silently I was grateful I hadn't yelped in surprise, as I half heartedly glared at the pair.

"Told you it wasn't a wounded animal," Katniss stated holding her bow down at her side, for once it wasn't trained at me, as she looked from Gale to me.

"True," Gale agreed crossing his arms "but at least if it was I could shoot it for scaring all the game away." Gale stated, I hated that they were talking about me as if I wasn't there and couldn't hear every word that left their mouths.

Katniss turned her smoky gray eyes on me, as if reading my irritation; we'd had a few runs in booth inside the woods and in the district we never really talked though, not since our first run in. "You're damaging its value." Katniss addressed me sounding mildly interested it the buck that lay at my feet. Resisting the urge to roll my eyes I glanced down at the deer, personally other than a grass stain from it being dropped I seen no real damage.

When an idea struck me I lifted my gaze from the animal back to the hunters, "Well if you give me a hand I'll split the earnings." I stated shifting my gaze from her to Gale who I really needed the aid from.

"Why would we give you a hand?" Gale asked almost sounding amused before exchanging a look with Katniss. I couldn't help but to wonder what they must think of me, originally I was sure they thought I'd steal their game or turn them in after all those rumors about me being a capitol spy that had circled I could see why people hadn't trusted me. But so much time had passed, and still everyday was a working progress to get people to see me as something other than that outsider, the spy sent from the capitol.

"You mean besides the offer to split the earnings?" I asked giving in to the urge to roll my eyes, Gale's eyes narrowed at me, obviously not liking my tone "listen," I sighed relenting "we all have families to feed. So by giving me a hand you'll be helping your family." I stated aiming to sound logical and not annoyed.

"You don't have a family to feed." Gale stated furrowing his eyebrows as he stared at me, a part of me wondered if he intended to be cruel or if he was just that slow. "You're in the community home."

Raising my own eyebrows a small smirk claimed my lips, "thanks for the enlightenment, but they still need to eat." I watched the confusion flicker across Gale's face before it gave way to understanding and he nodded, Katniss remained unreadable to me as she stood motionless. I assumed she was unreadable to most, since she wasn't a people person and lacked any real social skills.

"Alright, give it here." He stated taking slow steady steps towards me, like he was approaching a wild animal and like any animal would my eyes staid on every movement he made. Unsure of what to make of him. I couldn't help but to take in his muscles as he lifted the deer and laid it across his shoulders, there was no doubt he was good looking and fit. Mentally scolding myself I shook my head before I turned to start walking back to the district, Gale and Katniss following not far behind.

The entire walk back they spent emerged in hushed whispers at my back, I was beyond grateful when it was over and we sold the meat to the butcher going our separate ways with a sack full of coins. My first stop had been to see Greasy Sea buying one family size bowl of stew and another single serving sized bowl. I'd gone to drop the smaller one off at Diara's place since she had moved out and started her work at the mines a few weeks ago, and then I had gone home to feed the rest of my adoptive family.

* * *

Reaping day was looming around the corner, with twenty four hours left of freedom I found myself taking in the district and all of its struggles. An old woman was sitting on a wooden crate bagging for food, children running around dressed in rags, a man being thrown out from a shop in the hob, people doing trades, miners making their way to work in the early morning all of it made me homesick. The feeling of someone's fingers grazing my shoulder had me spinning around and taking a defensive stance prepared to defend myself, only when my eyes landed on Peeta's growing concerned expression I straightened and lifted a hand to quickly brush away the unwanted tear that had slipped free with thoughts of my home.

"Hey," I greeted him weakly before clearing my throat. Peeta had mumbled a hey back still wearing his concerned expression as his eyes lingered on my face causing me to shift under his stare, normally he would have looked away and made a light hearted remark about something or another. His silence was becoming unnerving, I was about to ask if he was ok when he had snapped out of it and looked around briefly taking in our surroundings before turning a small smile on me.

"Walk with me?" His question made me smile as I followed him to my spot, which over the past few months had become our spot. "What were you thinking about back there?" Peeta asked as we lowered ourselves onto the lush green grass. He was worried, but whether it was about the upcoming reaping or my previous thoughts I wasn't sure but if I had to guess I'd say the former.

"Nothing, why?" I asked tilting my head to the side as I pulled my legs into my chest and rested my arms on them.

"You looked sad." Peeta stated without looking over at me, instead his gaze was fixed on the meadow beyond the fence while my eyes danced along the side of his face. I watched as he took even breaths and as his hand tightened into a fist on the grass, "can I ask you something?" He muttered as I frowned at the lowness in his tone.

"Of course." I nodded missing how he tensed at my words.

"Are we friends?" He asked turning his blue eyes on me that were clouded over by his thoughts, confused I frowned at his question before pushing his arm gently trying to come off as teasing in hopes of lightening the mood.

"I was under that impression," I smiled briefly before my stomach clenched and turned at his words.

"Then don't do it." Peeta breathed almost in relief as I started to feel sick, _He knows, oh god how did he figure it out? _My mind raced as I opened and closed my mouth a few times fighting to find the right words to say.

"Don't do, what?" I managed a whisper hoping I was mistaken as my eyes found a piece of grass, reaching forward I plucked it from its bed and started to bend and twist the thin strand between my fingers, staring at it like it was the most interesting thing on this entire planet. Just like I had done the first time he had followed me to this spot, that was the day I had made my first friend the day I had told him my story or as much of it as I could.

"I'm not blind," Peeta protested sounding dejected as I flinched away, "I've seen what you've been doing." He sighed shaking his head in defeat. I couldn't help the wave of guilt I felt as I kept my eyes on the bending grass, it was strange in a way I had been intending on this for awhile and hadn't anticipated telling anyone other than Haymitch purely because I wanted his help."You're training. You're planning on going into the games." Now I could feel his eyes burning up the side of my face as I bit my lower lip unable to look at him. Peeta went silent for a moment before his hand invaded my vision, closing around my hand that held the piece of grass forcing my eyes up to his. "Don't do it." He was bagging, my heart hammered in my ears.

"I have to." I whispered the words that caused him to drop my hand like it had scorched his flesh, I froze watching as the look of betrayal appeared on his face before his was on his feet and hurrying away from me. My mouth opened, and closed. I wanted to call him back, explain everything and tell him how sorry I was but what would that change? What good would it do? Tomorrow he'd learn of his fate, and tomorrow I will take his hand and help him live through it. Until then, I'd give him his space.

Burying my head in my knees and wrapped my arms tighter around them I forced back the scream of irritation that vibrated through my entire body.

* * *

The slight pressure change on the mattress had pulled me from my surprisingly dreamless sleep; Greer had climbed into my bed again. That made it every night this week, smiling softly I let her snuggle in closer as she curled up and I dropped my arm around her waist staring out the window. It was still dark out, I muffled a yawn with my hand and wiped some sleep from my eye I would have to get up soon to hunt for the last time and most importantly to talk to Katniss Everdeen. I had to talk to her, we hadn't become friends, far from it actually but it was important she didn't mess with my plain and end up going into the games after all the training and preparations I had put into being ready for today. I had to be the one who volunteered.

I still couldn't believe it had been nearly a year since my arrival to the district, when I had asked Peeta about it he had said I missed the reaping by exactly two weeks which meant in two weeks on my anniversary I could very well be dead. If you included the week I had spent in the woods than I would be entering the arena on the day of my arrival, but no matter what way I looked at it everything still seemed surreal.

* * *

In the past ten months since I started hunting I've learned my way around the woods like I was walking through town, I knew where Katniss would be coming through and would enter the tree line at sun rise. Which was way I had left nearly an hour earlier than she would, crouched beside a thick tree I waited for her to slink under the fence and make her way towards me. Not wanting to startle her, even knowing she was still unarmed I stood up and stepped out of the tree lines shadow. Katniss had slowed to a stop as I had emerged, I knew she was glaring daggers at me before she had picked up her pace again. "Katniss," I greeted her with a nod as she shot me a look of contempt, "can we talk for a minute?" I asked ignoring her lack of joy to see me, as she kept walking I followed keeping step with her waiting for her to finally acknowledge me.

"I really don't have time," She finally stated seeing as I wasn't easily deterred.

"I'll be quick. It's about the reaping," I stated matching her hurried stride,

"You're scared?" Katniss guessed sounding off, "you should be." She paused momentarily eyeing me, "you're a decent hunter, maybe you should just run now." Pausing I could almost see the longing she felt at the idea of running, of taking her entire family and fleeing the capitals control. "Why are you even here?" Katniss asked bringing my back to my train of thought.

"I'm volunteering," I stated after a moment of silence,

"You're what?" She blurted raising her eyebrows shocked by my confession "that's suicide." She whispered more to herself than to me, causing a pained smile to form on my lips.

"I know." I admitted, "But the way I see it if I go than another girl gets to stay, say Amya or Prim got reaped I would volunteer."

"Prim won't get reaped." Katniss stated stiffening at my words, smiling sadly I nodded.

"I know." I stated meaning I knew what I was talking about, but leaving the interpretation up to her

"Why are you telling me this? To gain pity points? We're not friends, and I'm not taking care of your community home siblings for you." Katniss stated eyes narrowed in suspicion,

"No, I don't expect you to." I stated pausing briefly, "I suppose I just wanted to tell someone who wouldn't try to talk me out of it." I stated, truthfully telling Katniss was starting to feel like a waste of time and I was starting to wish I could go back to when no one knew. Not Katniss or Haymitch and definitely not Peeta. I almost snorted at the realization that the three original main characters were the ones who knew of my plan, and each one took the news exactly like I would expect, Katniss uncaring because if I went someone who belonged here stayed alive, Haymitch as complicated as ever supporting the idea from a distance and Peeta always trying to do the right thing and talk me out of going.

"Whatever, it's your funeral." Katniss muttered before glancing around impatiently as we stayed rooted in our respective spots, before she turned her gaze back on me. "Are we done?" She asked raising a thin brow.

"Yeah, we're done." I nodded before watching as she turned and stalked off. I didn't put any effort into hunting, as I walked aimlessly trying to clear my head. Today was it, I would volunteer and go with Peeta to the capital where I'd be forced to watch and participate in the murder of twenty two children. I felt my hands start to stake as I brushed back a strand of wavy brown hair, I had to remind myself that this was a story only a story and nothing was real. Somewhere in the past twelve months though that had become very hard to believe, but as fragile as my truth was I'd cling to it if it helped me help Peeta through the games.

Truth was I was running out of time, and it scared me, I hated feeling that tiny bit afraid but my stomach twisted and turned as I walked through the woods slowly heading back to the distract where I would get ready with Amya, where I would volunteer to die. _What if I'm wrong?_ _If this isn't just some lucid dream, if I'm not in some type of coma what if dying actually meant dying? Would it hurt? Of course it would. I was going to die in the hunger games after all. _I swallowed around the lump that formed in my throat as Katniss's words came back to me, _Why was I here? _I knew I could run, I've always know that the only question was my survival outside of the district. But what good would running do me? I wouldn't find any answers; I wouldn't be saving anyone or helping anyone.

_No. _I thought shaking my head as I slipped through the fencing, I wouldn't run I couldn't run, lifting my face to the sun that shined brightly despite the gloomy day it actually was I spoke aloud. "It's time."

**X.X Well here it is, chapter five! Hopefully the next chapter won't take me nearly as long to post, since the next chapter is the actual reaping...wonder what will happen there ;) Thoughts are always appreciated! Be it criticism or compliments, I'll take whatever I can get :) Alright have a good one guys! X.X**


	7. Day of reaping

**Chapter six**

**Day of Reaping**

I couldn't help but to stare at my reflection, it was strangely fitting that the only dress in my bag looked like a funeral dress. The dress itself was stunning, the black material clung to my body in all the right places and the lacey V-neck and sleeves made my silver heart locket stand out. It was a beautiful dress. Exhaling slowly I lifted a hand to touch my locket, I never took it off after my mother had passed in down to me and now more than ever I could feel the weight of it. It was the only thing that held any importance of my past life that I would be able to take with me, I wouldn't be able to bring my clothes, my journals or my father's knife.

A locket would be all I had.

I had decided not to worry about the Mocking-Jay's pin, it held significance for Katniss being a symbol of home and even though my symbol of home wouldn't mean anything to the rebels it would mean everything to me. Dropping my hand I turned as Amya appeared at the bathroom doorway, "you look beautiful." she whispered caught up in the dress like I had been moments ago. Smiling softly I turned to look at Amya, she was a pretty petite girl with blonde hair that she left down to sway around her shoulders, the dress she wore was an old one with more patches then the original material to it. Still, the dress didn't make the girl.

"So do you," I smiled back noticing how her lips turned down into a scowl as she took in her own raggedy dress.

"I'm dressed in a rag." Amya stated scornfully not seeing her own beauty, "You're wearing capitol clothing, all your clothing is nicer than ours." Frowning I shook my head.

"It's not capitol clothing," I stated but my comment did little to lighten the mood, "and it isn't the dress that makes you beautiful." I stated watching as her frown turned into a small smile and her cheeks tinted pink, laughing lightly I shook my head again "think of it this way, when I grow out of them you're the next in line to get them." silently adding to myself that it would be a lot sooner than later seeing as I wouldn't get to wear any of my clothing again after today. "You ready?" I asked changing the subject, the younger girl simply shrugged and made her way out of the bathroom. Frowning I watched her go, as I stared silently at the space she had once filled in the door way I couldn't help but to feel my stomach twist in its knot that it always seemed to be in, the reaping was the least of my concerns what really made me worry was the uncertainty I had about their fate when the district would be bombed.

Closing my eyes I forced myself to exhale and breathe evenly, there wasn't anything I could do about that now. It was more than a year away. _I need to focus. _I mentally scolded myself, getting worked up over things I couldn't control wouldn't help me staying in control of the next twenty four hours, now would it. Making my way out of the bathroom I go to meet Amya at the door, to see everyone there waiting. Even Diara has come back to walk with us, our foster mother Ms. Elm stands waiting, she's never made any attempt to get to know me I don't think she really knows any of the girls she fosters, she just takes us in forces us to take out a tesserae so we all have a year's supply of grain and oil. Other than that she's only here because it's mandatory everyone go, just like it was for the victory tour.

After a brief exchange to make sure everyone was ready to go, we were off.

* * *

Walking through the square felt wrong, a place that was normally bustling with everyday shoppers was packed full with every person that lived in the district and despite the bright colored banners that were strung up the place didn't hold any cheer. No, everyone was tense with worry and the camera crews did little to help the matter as they displayed a growing reflection of the crowd of kids between the ages of twelve to eighteen on the big screen up front. A reminder that anyone of them could be reaped.

Amya and I head off to the sign in line, the others stand in the back where all of the families that are either too young or old where they all will watch and wait to see if their loved ones will be safe for another year. Amya stands in front of me, the line keeps moving at a steady pace as we stand in silence. I assume it's the fear that has her tongue. There are two lines, one for girls and another for the boys, I don't see anyone else I recognize though I know somewhere in the crowd are Prim Everdeen and Peeta Mellark the two that will win the lottery so to speak. I frown as we keep moving forward. Looking ahead of us I can see the sections that have been divided up with rope, girls to the left and boy to the right the oldest in the front, the young ones towards the back. I wonder why the divide it up that way, perhaps it's easier to make sure no one tries to flee after being reaped.

Soon Amya has gone and it's my turn, they take my name and check me off on a list then I'm instructed to keep moving. I walk down the center isle like everyone else who has filed in and head to where the sixteen year old girls are. I'm sixteen now, which meant my name was entered into the glass bowl six times five for my age and one for the tesserae that I had taken out. Not that it mattered, I knew I was going in regardless of the amount of entries.

I take my place in line, I've set myself apart keeping close to the isle to make it easier for when I would volunteer a few girls come to fill the gap I've left. My eyes land on the stage set up in front of the justice building, the one where Cray first took me on my arrival day. There is a podium set up in front, on either side are the glass balls that hold the slips of paper with the districts children's names written on them beyond that are three chairs. One if for our Mayor, Madge's father I've never actually interacted with either one never having a reason to. The other chair belong to Effie Trinket, she's wearing a green spring suit and has her hair done up in curls. It's pink and white, and I can't imagine what the appeal is. _I think it's a wig. _But I can't remember to be completely sure.

The last chair is empty, something I believe the Mayor and Effie were just discussing because they've looked over to it the same time I had. I know who should be sitting there, everyone does. Haymitch Abernathy, the districts only living victor the man I had gone to in hopes he'd be some help. I suppose he was, not much but at least now I can say I've held a sword not that I'm sure if I was actually wielding it properly or if my form was correct when doing so. But at least I had tried to learn.

The Mayor has gotten up to take his place at the podium he's starting a speech, he's talks about the history of Panem and when he mentions that the land had once been called North America I have to swallow the lump back from my throat. The mention of my home almost makes me consider time travel, but as he goes on talking about its destruction I have to force myself to remember that I've read this series and it is in no way real. He's talks about the 'Dark Day' what the districts rose up against the capitol, footage of what district thirteen looked like after the bombing though they claim it still looks that way.

I'm relieved when I see Haymitch despite the fact he is drunk and staggering all over the place, he's trying to give Effie a hug which she narrowly avoids. I laugh, I'm probably the only one to find it funny a few disapproving looks are shot my way. I don't care as I watch Haymitch slump down in his chair, the Mayor is introducing Effie now in hopes to get things going again after Haymitch's arrival. I'm smiling, I realize I shouldn't be. Today is a day of mourning, a day of fear and I'm smiling. I try to hide it knowing that I must look like an insensitive witch.

Effie strides up to the podium with an extra douse of pep in her step, I think she was just happy to escape Haymitch. _It's a wig. _I realize as she starts her speech with a "Happy hunger games! And may the odds ever be in your favor!" I realize at this moment I like Haymitch more than Effie, I try to remind myself that it's the capitol not really Effie that I don't like. It doesn't do much good as my expression darkens. She's talking about how much of an honor being here is, as I search the crowd looking for a familiar face.

I find one.

_He's mad at me,_ I realize not hiding the frown that claims my lips as Peeta catches my eye, our gaze lock on each other his eyes are so full of emotions that I can't begin to decipher at this distance but it doesn't matter because it only lasts a second as he pulls his eyes away to listen to what Effie is prattling on about. I know he can't really be interested in what she is saying, after all it's probably the same thing he hears every year before being forced to say goodbye to two members of the district possibly two friends. He's mad because he knows I'm going, he's mad because I wouldn't change my mind when he asked me to. _If only he knew._

I look back to Effie who has turned to make her way to the girl's glass bowl. My stomach tenses and twists with nerves, it's time for the drawing. It's time for me to volunteer. "Ladies first!" Effie cheers before reaching her hand into the bowl, I feel the crowd around me go silent as she plays around with all the tiny pieces of paper before she draws one out. She doesn't open it. Not right away. But it doesn't matter I already know what it will say. She walks to the podium and opens the slip of paper smoothing it apart with her thumbs. Effie looks up and with a smile on her lips says the name of the female tribute.

"Primrose Everdeen!" A collective hush consumes the square, this is my only chance and I take it.

"I volunteer!" I shout as loudly as I can while stepping out into the open isle, Prim hasn't even made it to the isle I realize. I don't think anyone realizes what happened straight away because everything is silent for a few more moments. Maybe I'm just in shock.

The peace keepers have all taken a step towards me like I might turn and run, as Effie looks on confused mumbling about protocols. Mentally I sneer at them, outwardly I try to remain calm and composed I don't look around me as I take what I hope is confident strides up to the stage. Effie has recovered by the time I've walked up on stage, "That's the spirit of the games!" She beams, I want to glair at her instead I look straight ahead into the silent crowd picking out faces I won't see again. I almost look to where I know Peeta will be, "what's your name?" Effie asks stopping me.

I sigh relieved for a moment, "Kira Collins." I say after a moment, Effie looks confused but breaks into a smile anyway.

"How exciting!" She beams, "your family must be so proud." Her statement makes me frown, "Come on everyone! Let's give a big round of applause to your tribute, a volunteer, Kira Collins!" I don't expect any applause and there isn't any, I know this district and how they feel about the games. Katniss was right, this is suicide and I think for a moment as I look into the quiet crowd that they know it to. Out of the corner of my eye I see it, and I can't believe it. I know that in the book Katniss couldn't believe what she saw, but she was from the district she belonged here I didn't. One by one people are touching their three middle fingers of their left hand to their lips and then they hold it out to me. Like a gentle kiss from the entire district.

I feel dangerously close to tears, this is a sign of love and respect it's a final goodbye for someone that would be missed. I didn't feel like that would be the case, originally I was the pariah of the district the girl who didn't belong. I'm grateful when Haymitch chooses this moment to stagger towards me, he's drunk but looks pleased that I'm standing before him. "Look at you," he says quietly for my ears alone to hear, he looks crossed between not believing I was true to my word but happy that I did. I chalk that up to being the alcohol in his system. Haymitch turns to the crowd, "look at this one!" He shouts throwing an arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer, his smell of liquor burns my nose but I smile half heartedly "I can't believe she did it." He mused for a moment, I can't believe he said that aloud, "she's so full of courage." Again he pauses in thought, I cringe almost afraid to hear what he will say next, I almost worry his words will make me a bigger target until I remember where I am going. "More than you!" Haymitch starts shouted at the camera, his finger point accusingly, he repeats himself staggering forward releasing me from his hold as he goes.

He's nearing the edge I step forward about to pull him back, it's too late. Haymitch plummets off the edge knocking himself unconscious, normally I'd be worried but I know he'll be alright so I clench my jaw closed to resist any further action. Haymitch is taken away by stretcher, I should have taken the moment to compose myself but I hadn't instead I come to the realization of what is to come and I feel truly shaken. Not for myself but for Peeta. It's silly really, since I know he will be coming back alive, but still I wish I could be enough that they wouldn't need to take anyone else from the district but I know it doesn't work that way. My eyes find Peeta in the crowd unbidden by me, I can feel my throat start to close realizing his head is bowed down. _He can't look at me._ I realize sadly.

"What an exciting day!" Effie shouts enthusiastically as she tries to straighten her wig, normally I'd laugh at the absurdity but I can't because any second now I won't be standing here alone. "But there is more excitement to come!" I have to force my eyes to stay staring straight ahead, if I don't I know I'll stare at Peeta the entire time and I can't let on that I know he'll be reaped I have to act surprised. "It's time to choose our boy tribute!" Effie states, she's given up on fixing her wig now and has resigned herself to keeping a hand on her head to hold it steady. It's a funny sight, but I can't find it in me to smile at the moment. She's drawn the piece of paper and is making her way back to the podium, I close my eyes to stop myself from looking at him. I don't want to see the pained expression that is to come.

I know it's pointless, because as soon as she reads his name "Peeta Mellark!" my eyes are open and are trained on him. I can feel the burn behind them and I silently pray that I'm not letting it show. I hate crying, personally I find it's my greatest weakness, the sight of him makes it worse. He's pale, scared no doubt, he doesn't think he'll be coming back home. For him he has just been handed his death certificate. Or at least that's what he thinks, I know better. I watch him make his way to the stairs, my eyes never leave Peeta despite the fact he doesn't seem to be really seeing me. He's shocked, I can see the fear in his eyes as soon as he meets mine I want to walk up and hug him and tell him everything will be alright. But how can I?

So I stand. And I wait. Peeta stands a few feet away from me as Effie asks for volunteers, no one volunteers, Peeta has two older brothers I've met them both in the bakery but they won't switch places with him. I know this, and I hate it. Effie goes on speaking, but I can't hear her, all I can hear is Peeta and my breathing. I look over at him, and I can't stand here doing nothing any longer so I close the distance between us so we are standing side by side, he looks down at me I can see the shock and fear still clear as day, even though he is trying to keep an emotionless mask in place. My fingers brush the back of his, I don't know what to expect I'm not Katniss after all, but he doesn't hesitate to take my hand in his and squeeze it. I smile softly, because that's all I can do. His hand seems to consume my smaller one, his are warm and strong I realize mine are cold in comparison, tiny and cold.

Effie turns a smile on us, what I hope was the last speech has ended. "Look at that!" She cheers excitedly before her face gives way to confusion, I see the camera's zoom up on Peeta and I looking for what she has spotted, like they really needed a close up. "A united front." Effie finishes off, she sounds unsure about the entire thing like she's never seen it done before. And then I remember our hands are laced together, I expect Peeta to drop my hand much like he had yesterday. He doesn't, instead he squeezes mine again. I wonder if he picked up on my train of thought, but shrug it off knowing I was thinking too much. I can't help it, Peeta has become one of my few friends here and I know that I will do whatever I have to in order to keep him safe.

The anthem starts, and I know what comes next we'll be taken inside and permitted to see a few visitors as a kind of final farewell. I wonder who will come to say goodbye, surely my adoptive sisters but other than them I can't imagine anyone else. The anthem ends and we're escorted inside by a group of peacekeepers where Peeta finally drops my hand as I'm shown the room where I will wait for anyone who wishes to say goodbye, Peeta is given the room directly across the hall. I try to make eye contact with him but a peacekeeper closes the heavy wooden door in my face.

My hand rises to gently play with my necklace as I move towards the big windows behind the desk, I realize that this is probably the last few moments I will have before twenty two people are trying to kill me. At least I hope it's twenty two and not twenty three. I can see the crowd below, everyone is starting to leave the square some are searching for family members in relief. I smile because I know that their safe for now. The sound of a heavy set doors closing brings me out of my thoughts as I turn to see who has come to pay me a visit.

**Well I didn't expect to update so soon, but this chapter just flowed out so nicely! So I thought, why not? Thank you for your review, . Hopefully this chapter doesn't disappoint :) I'll go start writing the next chapter right now but no promises, this one probably won't be out within twenty four hours! Haha XD On other news we've reached 1,365 views which is pretty awesome! Okay thanks for the support everyone! Both in reviewing, following and favourites it means the world to me! **


	8. Fond Farewells

**Chapter seven**

**Fond Farewells**

I'm grateful when I hear the door open and close, a sign that I won't have to spend the entire hour alone is comforting. Turning my eyes land on my little family, of course they would come say goodbye. Was there ever any doubt? My eyes take in the four girls, Diara is older than I am officially too old for the reaping. Her long black hair is tried up in a bun today and her gray eyes are stormy as she stares back at me. Amya is to her left, her blonde hair was left down for the reaping to sway around her shoulders and her bright blue eyes are filled with tears. She's only twelve, this was her first reaping and I hope her last. Nia and Greer are to Diara's left, they're too young for the reaping. Nia resembled Diara with her black hair and gray eyes, only Nia wear's her hair in a high pony tail and has bangs when Diara doesn't. She's a smart, strong girl. Nia isn't crying, but she is holding onto Greer's hand. Sweet little Greer. My eyes soften when the rest on her with her soft brown curly hair that is set into two pig tails, she has bluest eyes and if I didn't know she wasn't my younger sister by blood I would think that she was. Her eyes are puffy from crying, which she is still doing as she stares at me with a red tinted nose.

I try to smile for them, it's a sad smile an apologetic one because I hadn't thought about how this would affect them all I had thought about was how many lives I could save, how much pain I could prevent. Greer is the first to move towards me, she runs full tilt and buriers her face in my stomach instinctively I wrap my arms around her shoulders. She's still crying, her tiny form is shaking under my arms. I almost cry with her, but I can't because she needs me to be strong for her so I will. The others haven't moved to hug me like Greer, they all stand at the far end of the room with a range of different emotions playing on their faces.

Diara is the first to break the silence. "Why?" She asks the single word out loud that causes the tears to start to fall down Amya's cheeks. "Why would you go and do something so stupid?" She's mad because she's scared for me because I blind sighted her.

I can't find the right words to say, the ones that will make all of them feel better. I had only every explained my intentions fully to one person, Haymitch, and that was because I knew he wouldn't be affected by my decision because he wouldn't care about a girl who didn't belong going into the games. He would acknowledge that I would go in the place of someone else, someone who belonged in the district. How do I explain that I don't belong here to the four people who have started to see me as family? If I tell them what I told myself everyday it would be like telling them I didn't feel that way about them. I couldn't do that. "I had to." I whisper weakly.

"For Prim Everdeen?" Diara spats, I know she doesn't mean it as I run a hand over Greer's head, she's gone still I assume because she's interested in what I have to say. "You do know she has an older sister, right? Katniss could have volunteered." Diara drops her shoulders, I watch her do so as she realizes that there is nothing she can do now that what is done is done. The room goes silent for a few minutes, we've all moved to the sitting area that holds a couch and two arm chairs. Greer stays in my lap, Nia and Amya take the empty spots on the couch while Diara drops into an arm chair.

"You'll have to look out for each other," I say quietly, it's so quiet in the room a whisper would have been easily heard from outside the door. I don't tell them how to take care of each other, because I don't really know how they will be able to take care of each other. All they can do is be there for one another "Diara, please." I address her because she doesn't live with the girls anymore, because it would be easy to shrug off people who aren't your responsibility because we are all orphans. Diara nods as the peacekeeper walks in, our time is up. The girl's stand, minus Greer who is still clinging to me, the peacekeeper makes a move towards us my eyes widen in alarm, I don't want him to touch her. "Diara," I call the older girl by name, she nods and help pry Greer off who is crying again and reaching for me.

I want so desperately to reach back for her. I don't. Because I know I can't. There's a round of goodbyes and good lucks, stay safes, as the girls make their exit. The moment they disappear beyond the big oak doors I fall to the couch, I don't know what I should feel as I stare at the double doors. I'm overwhelmed, and I can still hear Greer screaming my name as I close my eyes to keep my tears at bay.

* * *

I don't expect anyone else to pay me a visit before I go, I'm wrong. A few moments later the doors open again before I've really had the time to compose myself. My eyes fly open and I don't expect these three guests. The Everdeen's are standing now where Diara and the girls had been. Mrs. Everdeen is standing behind her two daughters, she's offering me a small smile probably of gratitude for taking her draughts place but I don't know her enough to be sure. Prim is rubbing a hand up and down her arm, uncomfortable no doubt but she offers me a small smile as well.

Katniss sees my puzzled expression at their entry and steps forward, "Prim wanted to thank you." She exchanges a look with her younger sister who blushes and nods. We haven't seen each other much since Mrs. Everdeen removed my bandages, and that was nearly ten months ago. So I understand her nervousness. I don't expect Katniss to keep talking, but she does. "So did I," my eyes turn to look at the hunter, "back in the woods I didn't think that you would go through with it," she starts to explain completely confusing her mother and sister, "and when they called Prim…I'm grateful you did. So thank you." I smile and nod.

"You wanted to go?" Prim asks after a brief silence shocking her mother who takes in a sharp breath.

I smile sadly at the young girl, "I needed to go," I pause letting those words sink in they still feel true to me, "I don't belong here." I can see that Prim wants to protest, Mrs. Everdeen and Katniss both have conflicting looks on their faces I can see it there that they agree with me. They don't believe I belong here, either.

"You were starting to." Prim states quietly, I think she's starting to get upset if we had known each other better she'd probably be crying, but she isn't and I'm grateful for that since I've already had all the tears I could possibly handle. "You started taking care of a family that wasn't yours, not many people would do that. Someone from the capitol wouldn't do that," she states shocking me because she has a look of determination about her that I hadn't expected, "you're not like them. You belong here." I smile softly at her, she's heard the rumors obviously.

"I'm not from the capitol," I state softly, I notice I had the Everdeen's attention and I wonder if they all truly believe I had been from the place that viewed murder as a game. "Where I'm from it's rare for someone to starve or die from ammonia. There is enough food and medical care for everyone." I want to add it 'and if you murder someone, you'll get a life sentence in jail' but that seems a little too bitter to add. Mrs. Everdeen is smiling softly at me, which starts to confuse me.

"That sounds like a lovely place," she states after a moment, I know they all want to ask how I ended up here why I had staid but no one does.

"When you come back," Prim starts shocking everyone, including me, "you'll have to tell me all about it." She says, she's trying to be kind I smile softly because I can't tell her that I won't be coming back, I can't take away whatever hope she might have. It isn't fair.

The peacekeeper opens the door and is about to usher everyone out when Katniss strides up to me, I'm shocked still as she loosely wraps her arms around my shoulders, this isn't like her, we're not friends, so I'm confused until she whispers in my ear. "You have no intentions of coming back, do you?" She pulls eyes slowly her eyes locked on mine, I swallow around the lump that has formed in my throat and try to offer up a small smile as I give a settle nod. I don't know how she figured it out, I don't want to think about it either because if she knows then it's possible people who actually have gotten to know me also figured it out. My mind goes back to how Greer acted and Diara's silence when the left as I watch Katniss exit. I'm sure my expression is horrified at the realization.

Shaking my head I run my fingers through my hair, it wasn't supposed to be this complicated. _Maybe its better they know, at least then they won't be hoping I return. Yeah. Its better that they know, it'll hurt less that way. _ I think with a sigh, before noticing the peacekeeper standing in the door way. He's one of ours, from the district and not one that was brought in for the reaping. I take a step towards him, "if that's all my visitors could I visit Peeta?" I ask hopeful he shakes his head.

"Sorry, not allowed." He stated gruffly, I frown why aren't we allowed to see each other? It's not like we won't be on the same train in a half hour ish.

"Why not?" I ask before he leaves, the peacekeeper sighs.

"It's against regulations." He's eyeing me oddly, there's something else he wants to say for whatever reason he chooses not to and takes his exit. I stand there, still baffled at being denied since we will be together for an entire week so it can't be that they are worried about us killing one another. Maybe in the past other tributes have, a mercy killing can't be the worst way to go.

* * *

I'm surprised when Mr. Mellark comes in, just like he did for Katniss in the books. I sitting up at the end of the couch with my knees tucked under my body when he awkwardly walks in and perches on the edge of one of the plush arm chairs, he must have just come from seeing Peeta I realize. "How's he doing?" I ask breaking the silence first, nearly right away I think this shocks him as he stares back at me. I'm not sure what makes me ask this, he's not a very talkative man and I'm sure today has made that more dominate then ever so I don't wait for his response. "I'm going to do whatever I can," I say he's watching me keenly curious about what I will say next, "I'll try to help bring him home to you." Tears are glistening in his eyes as he pulls out what I assume is the bag of cookies, he reaches forward to hand them to me I accept them with a small smile "Thank you."

Mr. Mellark is shaking his head, "Kira," he says my name his throat sounds thick with emotions obviously from his visit with his son, I patiently wait for him to continue unable to do anything else. "Thank you. If…if you can't," he pause to take a breath this is hard for him, of course it is. "Then you come home, you hear me? Peeta, he'd want that." I hate that it feels like he's talking about his son in the past tense, it feels completely wrong possibly because I know he will be coming home, if I don't completely screw everything up that is, but I can't tell Mr. Mellark this, and for the first time I'm worried that I won't be as good as Katniss would have been,

"I'll do whatever I can." I repeat what I had previously said, unable to say anything else. He nods and gets up to leave, my words stop him at the door "he's my best friend." I say, Mr. Mellark looks back at me, he's unreadable to me but I think he knows I mean it. I hope he does at least. Then he's gone. And I'm left with a bag of cookies that I always felt should have been given to Peeta. It never made sense to me that Mr. Mellark would give Katniss cookies and not his son, so maybe he gave them both cookies?

No one else comes after Mr. Mellark, I'm surprised Madge didn't pay me a visit with her pin but I'm happy because that means I'm free to take my necklace like I wanted to. A peacekeeper comes to get me, Peeta's there too we walk in silence down the hall. My eyes flicker over to take in the slight redness around his eyes, he isn't looking at me he doesn't take any notice of me keeping his eyes forward. For a moment I worry that our brief hand holding is the cause for this. We're escorted to a car that will take us to the train station where all the cameras are waiting.

I've rolled the top of the brown bag so far down that it wouldn't surprise me if I've actually broke the cookies within, I keep stealing glances at Peeta who is looking out the window probably taking in the view of the district thinking that this will be the last time he sees it. "Peeta," I whisper his name he doesn't respond or look at me but his hand that was resting on his leg closing in to a fist is a sign he heard me, "I'm sorry." Silence. I'm worried that's all I'll get from him now, it's confusing at first because of our small interaction an hour ago. I wonder if he's still mad at me, or if being reaped has changed his mind about me volunteering, I wonder if he's happy to be here with a friend instead of with someone else. But a part of me knows, he'd rather be here with Katniss.

Swallowing I try to close off my mind to all those thoughts, they don't matter anymore _he can make his move for Katniss when he comes home in one piece._ I tell myself, he'll just have to man and tell her how he feels. He'll be rich and alive, more than most could say in district twelve. The car ride is short, someone opens the door on Peeta's side and he gets out. I follow after him. The station plat form is crawling with news reporters, their insect like cameras are taking close ups on our faces and displaying them on big screens it's hard not to catch a glimpse of what we look like. Peeta might not be looking at me, but he is looking at one of the cameras and I can see that he has been crying easily. He isn't trying to hide it, and if he is he's doing a poor job at it.

When I catch a glimpse of myself on the camera I see that I'm frowning, not an outright scowl from anger but a concerned frown, lifting a hand I touch my locket it helps to keep my composer calm and reminds me why I'm here. A camera catches the movement a zooms to get a close up of my locket, I wrap my hand protectively around it to shield it from view. Because it is mine, because they can't have it. Not yet, I'm not ready to share my locket yet. It's silly I know, and that causes me to frown further but I don't want the capitol to tarnish something that means a lot to me by taking any close ups.

I notice Peeta has moved towards the train, allowing my hand to drop away from its placement I hurry after him not wanting to prolong our stay with the cameras. Not that it matters, because we are forced to stand around for a few minutes in silence as they continue to get their close ups waiting for us to break. I keep stealing looks at Peeta who is trying his best to smile, I remember his tactic now he's always been a likeable person someone that is others gravitate towards and he will use that to his advantage.

I should start thinking about my own tactic.

**Okay so here it is, finished it last night but I wanted to start on chapter eight before I went and published which I'm not even 1000 words in yet so maybe I should have held off longer ^^' I'm actually surprised with how fast this chapter turned out because I hadn't planned for this part of the story the next chapter we get to look forward to the train ride! Yay... Thanks so much for reading and feel free to leave your thoughts in the reviews. **

**As always a big thanks to grapejuice101 for reviewing, all the motivation helps to get the next chapters out sooner! :) And a thank you to all my new followers/favourites love you guys! **


	9. Day one

**Chapter eight**

The train door slides closed behind us, Effie is there awaiting us in the train car it's fancy from the carpeted floor to the chandeliers and filled with delicacies that district twelve could only dream of. It reminds me of home, I feel the mistiness cloud my eyes as I stand behind Peeta, I have to blink repeatedly to clear them.

"Well come in," Effie gestured to the grand room, "it's beautiful no? Crystal chandeliers. Platinum donuts." She sighs in content as we move further into the room, Peeta's a bakers son and is taking interest in all the different bake goods that are on display. I'm standing behind one of the blue chairs, looking around when I hear Effie continue talking. "We're traveling 250 miles per hour. Can barely feel a thing." She laughs happily, "I think it's a rather wonderful opportunity for you. Even though you'll only be here a little while, you get to enjoy all this." I glare at her, and I know she knows that in this moment I don't like her.

Effie presses her lips together as she holds eye contact with me, "I think I'll go find Haymitch." She pauses for a moment looking over at Peeta who has looked up at the mention of her exit "he's probably in the bar car." I watch her go in silence. I can feel Peeta's eyes on me like a weight as soon as she has gone, when my own gaze lifts to him he drops his and moves to sit in the chair across from the one I've been standing behind. His elbow is propped up on the arm of the chair and he leans into his open palm, chin resting there as his leg slowly starts to bounce up and down. I watch as his knee jiggles up and down for a few minutes before I open my mouth.

"What?" I ask raising my eyebrows in question, he doesn't respond as I sigh and look for something else to say. "Your dad came in to see me," he's still silent and I wonder if maybe that wasn't the best thing to say, "So our mentor, Haymitch." I start, his lag stills and I know I have his attention at last, "he's well…" I laugh "horrible actually. But when he sobers up he won't be so bad." I pause, Peeta still won't look over at me and I sigh giving in, "Are you going to ignore me forever?" I ask hoping that will get a response out of him.

It does. "I'm not ignoring you." Peeta states slowly turning his head to look at me, and I can see that he's struggling and I wonder what he is struggling over. "I just have nothing to say to you." I flinch as the last word leaves his mouth, he must have noticed because he's frowning now.

"Okay, first let me say, ouch." I try joking with a small smile as my hand touches lightly to my chest, before I move around to sit in the chair directly across from him, all playing has left my expression as I shake my head slowly. "I really am sorry," Peeta's watching me now before he sighs and shakes his head.

"It's not your fault I got reaped, it's not like you could have changed it." I know he's right, because I've already spent countless nights trying to think of a way that I could change him having to go into the games. But the games need its boy and girl tribute, so even if I could change who was reaped I might not be able to keep that person alive.

"You never gave me the chance to explain," I state thinking back on our last real conversation. _I should tell him. I want to tell him. _

"Explain what?" His leg starts to bounce again, as I frown down at it not knowing the cause for the action. _Nerves probably. _I try to brush it off.

"Why I was going to volunteer." Peeta freezes, his entire body is tense as he waits for me to explain. Of course this is when Haymitch decides to make his grand entrance, he's making his way to the table with an empty glass in one hand and a bottle full of golden liquor in the other. My mouth closes, not because I don't want to explain myself in front of Haymitch but because Peeta's attention is no longer on me. Closing my eyes I try to shrug it off, _It's for the best. _I tell myself when I open my eyes to take in the 16year old boy in front of me, I had been close to telling him more than I should tell anyone because unlike any one else I think he would listen without judgment and might even believe me. If he could get around the whole being a fictional character part. Yeah, I wouldn't have blamed him if he wrote me off as insane and never spoke to me again. After all who would believe that their life wasn't real? Yeah, I'm glad I didn't tell him, that I won't have to worry about being disowned by the last person I'll get to spend time with before my death. Pushing away my thoughts I focus in on what is happening around me.

"Where's the ice?" Haymitch asks expectantly looking from Peeta to me, I can't help but to stare at him for a moment I hadn't expected for him to show up so soon. _Maybe it's a sign._ I think silently to myself. _Don't tell Peeta. Tell Peeta and everything changes._

Mentally shaking myself I realize Haymitch is still looking at me for an answer. "No idea," I smile trying to come off as teasing, maybe that will be my tactic, playful and teasing…or not. "Why don't you come sit down so we can have a chat?" I ask, though it's clear that I expect him to come and sit. Haymitch bangs the lid closed on the empty ice tray and mumbles something that I don't catch, I feel like my mother when I turn with my eyebrows raised and say "Pardon me?" I catch the small smirk on Peeta's lips that turns my serious expression into one with a small smile of its own.

"I said who are you, my mother?" Haymitch snaps before he turns his eyes on Peeta, "are you as eager as she is?" he asks sounding slightly put off as if he didn't know I'd want to get to it as soon as the reaping was over. I almost laugh when I hear Peeta ask,

"When do we get started?" he must have nodded or something and I missed it, but when I catch Peeta's eye he has a small smile that makes me smile back. He must be getting used to the idea of where we are now, we have a week to prepare ourselves and its better he takes it in stride and doesn't mope about it. I know that sounds harsh and I wish there was another way but I'm relieved he seems at ease and logically thinking about our current position. He's compartmentalizing something I needed to do. _Focus on playing your part, remembering what comes next. Stop worrying about not being good enough. _Because if I don't stop, than I will fail, and all of this will have meant nothing volunteering would have been pointless because if I fail than I've done no one any favors.

"Most of you aren't in such a hurry." Haymitch stated hiding his frown behind his cup as he downed a mouthful, he wasn't as eager to get started as the two of us were at least not when it came to prepping for the games. But since I knew he would eventually come around I crossed my arms and leaned back into my seat, trying to keep a serious expression upon my face as Peeta started to protest.

"Right, but I want to know what the plan is." He stated before shooting me a look and corrected himself, "we both do. You're our mentor, you're supposed to tell us how to get sponsors and give us advice."

"Oh, okay. You want advice?" Haymitch stated straightening as he stood a few feet away, "How's this. Embrace the probability of your imminent death. And know in your heart that there is nothing I," His eyes shot over to me and in the seconds it took him to take me in I felt more than seen his intake of breath as he mentally shook himself, "or she can do, to save you." I couldn't help but to glare at him, his words were like ice water in my veins and for a moment I held my breath thinking that he could be right. _What if I fail? What if I get Peeta killed?_

Biting my lip I started drumming my fingers on the arm of the chair lost for words. _So much for compartmentalizing_ I mentally hiss at myself, "So why are you here then?" Peeta spat startling me from my thoughts as my eyes lift to him than to Haymitch who was on the receiving end of his irritation.

"The refreshments." Haymitch stated nonchalantly, shrugging as he went to down more of his drink.

"Okay, I think that's enough." Peeta stated getting up to try and remove the drink from Haymitch's hand, I watched as Peeta reached for the glass and was shoved backwards by Haymitch. Frowning I stopped the drumming of my fingers to see where this would go, this bit hadn't been in the books and it made me edgy as I eyed the pair.

"You've made me spill my drink." Haymitch stated looking down at his glass then to his clothing. "On my new pants…" He paused sending a look at Peeta then sideways glancing at me. "You know I think I'll go finish this in my room. I shouldn't have come around." He mumbled the last bit as he stumbled out of the room. _It's amazing that he doesn't spill his drink when he walks, _I thought watching his less than graceful exit as he gripped on to the door frame before disappearing beyond it.

"Can you believe that?" Peeta asked the moment Haymitch was out of sight, still standing he turned and looked down at me "I thought you said he'd sober up."

"He will." I state seeing Peeta's unbelieving gaze I relent "For the games, if he thinks we're worth it."

Peeta shifted looking to the door Haymitch had left through, before looking back down at me still sitting in the lavish blue chair. "I'm going to go talk to him," he stated taking a few steps towards the door before seeming to realize I wasn't following. Pausing Peeta looked back at me, "are you coming?" He asked as my hands plucked at the dress that covered my lap searching for an invisible string to pull at.

"Nah," I responded lifting my gaze to meet his, "I'm going to find my room… a hot shower sounds amazing right about now." I stated the last part more to myself than to him, Peeta shifted for a moment almost debating saying something but chose not to instead he nodded than turned to leave.

Sighing to myself I tapped my fingers on my leg for a few moments, before getting up in search of my room.

* * *

I had ended up asking one of the Peacekeeper's that were on board the train for directions, he in turn had escorted me to my chambers with barely two words being spoken. Rolling my head back I lifted my face to the oncoming streams of hot water, I knew that I had missed having hot water without having to heat it up on a stovetop or over an open fire but showering actually felt like I was in heaven. I suppose having to bathe in a tub that was old and only concealed by a wrap around curtain for a year had something to do with that. It was a tossup between that or the fresh clean smell from the soap and shampoos. After scrubbing my body raw and cleaning every inch of me I stood in the shower until the hot water started to turn cold. Sighing I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower wrapping a fluffy white towel around my body as I left my private bathroom.

My room was a decent size, huge compared to what I had in the district. Like in every part of the train the windows lined the walls, only the blinds were drawn to give the illusion of privacy. The bedspread was made of velvet and was a deep red color, I wonder if all of the bedrooms have the same blood red sheets. I'm sure it's the capitols attempt at being humorous. A 'Welcome to your deathbed' sort of welcome sign, yeah I didn't find it humorous. Along the far wall was a pair of wooden sliding doors that lead to a walk in closet that held more clothes than any one in district twelve more than likely would own in a life time, this seemed to be a common theme that the capitol probably enjoyed rubbing into the faces of its victims.

Taking a deep breath in through my nose I started walking towards the doors, there was no point trying to fight against it after all I would be wearing their closes until I died so making a fuss would be pointless at this point. There was a lot to choose from, like I knew there would be, keeping it simple I changed into a white tank top and a knee length navy blue skirt that had a red belt I matched a pair of red heels with the outfit to start getting used to the feeling of heels again. Leaving my wet hair down to hang around my shoulders I exited the bedroom to bump into Effie in the hallway, she looks startled by my appearance as she stands only a foot away from my door, I raise my eyebrows at her open mouth that had for once no words coming out of it. Trying to play nice I force a small smile on my lips, if she can tell it's forced she doesn't show it, "sorry, did I scare you?" I ask not quiet meeting that sweet tone I had set out for.

"No, no." Effie shook her head, the wigs curls that were piled up on her head swayed slightly as she too put on a smile, hers much more convincing than mine. "Dinner will be served any minute now," she states bubbly as she spins in her heel I'm slightly surprised that it didn't snap at the abrupt movement, "come, come, Peeta and Haymitch should already be waiting for us." She stated as she starts to briskly walk away, I'm quick to follow and smile slightly at her back as I think she is trying to escape me.

We enter the dining room that is polished from the floors to the high ceilings, but the only thing I take notice of is Peeta seated alone at the table with a far off look on his face. "Where's Haymitch?" Effie asks as she makes her way to sit across from him, that's when I noticed I've stopped to stand at the door way. Bowing my head out of embarrassment I hurry to take my seat next to Peeta as he answers Effie's question.

"Last time I saw him, he said he was going to take a nap." He responds looking from Effie to me as I take my seat quietly, my wet hair sends a shiver down my spine as a water droplet rolls over my shoulders and in that moment I wish I had taken the time to dry my hair.

"Well it's been an exhausting day," Effie states as our waiters lift the tray lids off to reveal delicious looking food laid out, around the table sat plates and trays of: a thick carrot soup, green salad, lamb chops and mashed potatoes, cheese and fruit, there was even a chocolate cake, but what caught my eye was the steamy hot gravy that I would be coating my potatoes in. My stomach growls at the thought, impatient no doubt, the simplest food was among my favorites and was a huge reminder of days long past. Days when I would come home from school and make a huge bowl of mashed potatoes and drawn them in thick brown gravy, and then after eating my fill I would get into trouble from my mother who would walk into the kitchen and complain that I had yet again ruined my appetite for dinner.

Tears prickled at my eyes as I stared unseeing at the food until an elbow brushed against my arm, "hey," Peeta smiled a cheesy grin that I didn't have the energy to return as I instinctively wiped my hands over my face in case any tears had slipped free unnoticed, _I don't have time for this. _I scolded myself feeling the moisture that was on my finger tips, "don't cry, it's free." Peeta stated lightly "plus there's cake, now who doesn't love cake?" He was trying to lighten whatever mood I had fallen into, so I forced a smile because if he was willing to put behind him the mood he had been in earlier than I would try to put this one behind me as well.

"It's not the cake," I tell him slowly as I reach for the mashed potatoes and spoon a few scoops onto my plate before reaching for the gravy and pouring a generous amount on to the fluffy white substance. "It's this," I state gesturing to the plate, "back home these were my favorite. My mom," I paused briefly before continuing, "She used to say that instead of buying groceries she should just stock the house with potatoes and gravy, said she's save a fortune in money and time." I laughed.

"Where's she now?" Effie asked picking up a tea cup to take a sip, pinky held high in the air like a proper upper classman, "your mother was she the woman who visited with you?" She clarified.

Clearing my throat, "No," I replied straightening in my seat, there was something about the way she looked over her cup at me that seemed so dishonest and disconnected from the world that for moment I pitied her because all she knew was the capitols ways, all of that fake makeup and hair over shadowed any real essence of a human being that might have been hidden there.

"Oh well you were quiet popular today," She stated stirring her spoon around her soup bowl, "if you're serious about winning you should find ways to keep that popularity going." Effie offered the first real piece of advice before she started eating, nodding silently to myself I started to eat with my fellow train mates. She's given me something to think about while I eat, ways to keep the audience's attention on me because I can't be forgettable because if they don't see me as a potential victor than I won't get sponsors and I won't be able to make it to the end with Peeta. After all I don't intend to use Katniss tactics, I won't use romance advances to get their attention, _even if I tried Peeta would never go for it._

* * *

Thank you to everyone for your patients and support! So sorry it took so long, I can honestly say without my lovely readers that this story would have disappeared because I lost motivation after getting my first bad review but as any writer knows that reviews, good or bad will always come and just because this story isn't for some doesn't mean others don't enjoy reading it. Personally I love what I have planned for Kira. '**Spoiler alert**' I've written out lines for four yes you read that right, four books for this series that means when I finish with this one I plan on writing three more because Kira is so complicated and has so much to offer like discovering the truth around her and how she came to be in our favourite book series.

Anyway now that my little rant is over, :) I hope everyone had a good halloween and that no one was the victim of an lil devils that may have been out ;)

18 days and 22 hours! Can't wait until MockingJay comes to theatres! So excited. Still hate that they are making the last book into two movies, not going to lie I am far too impatient for that!


	10. The first night

**Chapter nine**

**The First night**

Watching the recap wasn't what I thought I'd be doing on my first night, but here I sat curled up at the end of a couch with my arms on the arm rest and my head laid upon them. One by one I watch the reaping's as name after name is called, a young girl followed by a young boy and then volunteers are asked for, only a few volunteer and I get the feeling that most aren't doing it to spare the reaped but for the glory. I take in each tribute intently finally able to put a face to a name, names I've only read about. A few stand out, the one's I know better from the books: Cato who lasted until the very end, Clove his female counterpart, Marvel who in the books kills Rue, sweet little Rue the twelve year old girl that no one volunteered for and her strong silent counterpart Thresh. They stuck to the forefront of my mind as I realize in a week's time they will all be dead, I realize that I will more than likely have to kill some of these kids, like Katniss had, and it makes my stomach twist sickened by the thought.

Finally they show District twelve, and I'm ready to turn it off but that involves moving and I have little energy to do so after eating so much food.

My eyes almost close on their own accord as the first wave of exhaustion hits me, it had been an emotionally taxing day and the thought of sleep was a tempting one until I hear Prim being called, there is barely a pause before my yelling fills the room and I open my eyes to watch as I make my way into the isle, I sound breathless and I look almost like the other volunteers the only difference there is no excitement or vigor on my face, only determination mingled with fear. I watch as the crowd look at one another baffled, no one had expected it I see that now as each face turns to look at me that they are confused but mostly surprised.

I take a moment to seek out the ones I know, Amya looks frail with wide eyes locked on my form her mouth is partially open as if she had called my name, Katniss Everdeen is stiff and staring at me like she was a statue unable to move or breathe, Diara looks horrified as Nia and Greer stand to her right I see Nia grab on to Greer as the young girl tries to lunge forward she's screaming I can see that now, but just like when it was happening I can't hear her she's too far away. And then there's Peeta, before he knew that he would be next, he doesn't look surprised or confused, he look's resigned and like I was already gone. He looked as if he knew he would never see me again, and I have to stop myself him commenting from looking over at him, because I know if I don't and I give in that it will only be harder.

The commentators come on and they aren't sure what to say about the refusal to applaud though apparently district twelve never does, which is why the co-host comments that our district is 'a bit back-ward' this doesn't shock me but Caesar Flickerman comment about me does, "you know I heard a rumor," he pauses as if drawing in everyone attention, it works because I'm curious what he will say next. "About our female tribute from twelve, apparently she just showed up in the district one day claiming to have lived outside of the districts her whole life. Interesting isn't it?" He asked his co-host.

"Impossible!" The other man gasps good naturedly placing a hand on his chest, Caesar laughs at this. I can see why some people liked him, he's charming but it's hard to process what he says next as my mind circles around what he had already said.

"Yes well my thoughts exactly," He agrees nodding his head, "but let's say its true, than what an honor this must be for our little foreigner." All I can see is him smiling into the camera as every sound around me has turned into a static hum as I sit up right staring at the TV screen, _'How do they know that?' _My mind reels as I start to feel ill, _'they shouldn't know that' _I watch as Peeta is reaped and he makes his way to the stand but all details fall to the background. It's Haymitch that gains my attention as he makes a less then graceful entrance nearly falling over as he slumps against the wall. _'It doesn't matter if they know' _I try to reassure myself, because if they were going to do anything about it than they would have already. The thought does little to settle my nerves.

"Looks like you've got their attention." Haymitch slurs from him spot on the wall as he looks straight at me, at the moment it feels like he is looking through me rather than at me since his eyes are glazed over from the alcohol but there's something else there too, hidden behind the alcohol something I can't identify. I watch transfixed unable to look away as Haymitch staggers a few more feet in to the living room until he leans forward and vomits all over the expensive looking carpet, I'm not sure if it was the leaning that sent him off balance or the force of the bile leaving his system either way he falls forward to land in his mess.

Effie's nose crinkles in disgust, "you're mentor has a lot to learn about appropriate behavior." She states before hurrying out of the room, careful not to come anywhere near Haymitch and his mess.

I close my eyes tightly and force myself to breathe through my mouth, the smell is revolting and I try to think of anything else to keep myself from adding to the stink. I reopen my eyes when I feel the couch shift, Peeta is standing and I'm quick to follow suit "let me help." I say quietly as I see that Peeta has moved to help Haymitch who is trying to get up, and failing miserably. Taking an arm I do my best to help get Haymitch standing, considering his drunken state the task proves to be difficult as he isn't holding much of his weight.

"I tripped." He slurs, "Smells bad." He stated as he wipes a hand over his face, smearing vomit I have to look away the smell is enough to make me feel ill I don't need to add to it with the sight.

"Let's get you back to your room," Peeta states as he leads the way, "get you cleaned up a bit." I'm watching him over Haymitch's hunched over form when I should be paying attention to where I'm walking, I can't help it because he's so calm and collected I'm not sure why it surprises me when I already knew that he would help Haymitch but his kindness continues to take me by surprise. Once we've arrived at Haymitch's room we continue to lead Haymitch into his bathroom, since we can't just drop him into bed covered in vomit, Peeta takes him by the arm pits and heaves him into the bath tub I'd be impressed if I wasn't so eager to rid myself of the smell, I don't waste time before turning the water up on high and aim it on Haymitch. I pick out a scent from the panel to help get rid of the rancid smell and I realize that besides the sound of running water everything else is quiet.

Turning I take in Haymitch whose head is lulled against the back wall, he's only half conscious and the water doesn't seem to be helping to wake him up. The sound of Peeta clearing his throat grabs my attention, he has a hand rubbing at the back of his neck and is looking from Haymitch to me, "I can take it from here." He states sounding slightly uncomfortable.

"Hmm?" I hum not catching on as I continue to stand there before realizing, "Oh, um," I clear my throat trying to bypass the awkward moment, "are you sure? I don't mind helping." I tell him, I really don't want to strip and wash down Haymitch let alone dress him and tuck him into bed, Peeta raises his eyebrows at me and laughs surprising me.

"Come on, you know you don't want to." He smiles shaking his head, "besides you look about to fall over from exhaustion," it's my turn to raise my eyebrows at him.

"Are you saying I couldn't handle it?" I challenge playfully.

Raising his hands in mock surrender Peeta back tracks, "No, no, I didn't say that." He states before becoming more serious, "I would never say you couldn't handle it. Just go get some sleep, I'll see you at breakfast." He's closed the argument, if you could call it that, the way he's closed himself off again is starting to give me whiplash, and I want to call him out on it. To make him talk to me about it, but I don't because I've decided telling him would only be disastrous and I couldn't do that to him. So dealing with some mood swings, as mild as they might be, is doable defiantly preferred.

"Fine," I nod turning to leave the bathroom before I pause at the door, "I'll set out some clothes for him, I'm not too tired to do that." I say trying to sound teasing, it comes out dry though and I leave not hearing a reply from Peeta.

* * *

_I'm finally here, the capitol. _I tell myself, but it looks so different than I had thought it would. For a moment it feels like I'm on center stage standing at the end of the line of tributes with guards flanking both ends of the line, the audience appears to be all around us but everything is shrouded in darkness. I'm cold, but it's more than just the room's current temperature it's deep within my bones. Wrapping my arms around my torso I try to fight against the shivers that are running down my spine all the way to my toes, it almost feels like my entire body is shaking. I run my hands up and down my arms in an attempt to return some warmth to them until a loud speaker turns on gaining my attention. "Sorry for the wait ladies and gents," the unknown speaker says, I look around trying to find the source but it's futile since the only light coming in are from torches that are somewhere behind me only illuminating us to the on lookers. "But we've got a special surprise for you all," he continues to say "a way to kick start the hunger games this year."

Light floods the area in front of us, it's a stage where six people have been tied to wooden posts all of their heads are bowed and what looks like blood is tickling down their wrists that are tied above their heads. At first nothing makes sense and it reminds me of what people used to do to those accused of witchcraft, burning at the stake. Until one of the woman lifts her head and her blue eyes meet mine.

"Mother!" I scream as I try to race forward but guards have taken a hold of my upper arms keeping me back, I thrash throwing my body in any direction that might cause them to release me, but they never do. "No! No!" I'm screaming as fresh tears spring to my eyes, she's not alone my family are bound at her sides along with the three man crew that came here with us, the polite and co polite and the female flight attendant. All of them looking exactly how I remembered them. "Kayden, father!" I call trying to gain their attention, but they must be unconscious because they don't stir.

"Peeta! Peeta help me!" I gasp seeing that I am the only one being with strained, Peeta and the other's just stare with a haunting smile twisted upon their faces, there's a flicker of light on stage before the smell of smoke hits my nose. "No!" I cry watching as the posts start catching fire one by one.

"The foreigners will burn," Caesar Flickerman states as he walks on stage a twisted smile curves his lips when he looks down at where I stand and he lifts a single finger to point at me saying something else that I don't catch over the sound of my family screaming.

* * *

A loud crash breaks me from my nightmare, sweat glistens over my forehead as I bolt upright in bed gasping for air no matter how much I take in I still feel like I'm chocking on smoke lifting my gaze to my door I see that I'm not alone someone's standing there shrouded in darkness, something about the way the shadows are playing over their form makes them look deformed and twisted.

I scream.

"Kira!" Peeta calls as the figure stumbles forward, "what's going on? Are you ok?"

My hearts racing in my ears as I reach across my bedspread to the nightstand I turn lamp on, blinking a few times I stare dazed at the half dressed Peeta standing in my door way holding his own bedside lamp in his hands, wielding it like a weapon. _Well that makes sense. _I think realizing why he didn't look quite right in the dark, "Peeta?" I whispered noting how I sound off, my throats sore and my lips are dry, running my tongue over them I wipe the remaining sleep from my eyes with the palms of my hands. "What're you doing?" I ask stifling a yawn.

"What am I…" He repeats slowly blinking, lowering his arms he lets the lamp dangle at his side. "You were screaming." He states also adjusting to the light.

"Bad dream." I respond still coming to terms with what he had said as the memories of the dream start to fade away piece by piece, _Screaming, I was screaming. _

"Must have been" he pauses as his eyes continue to stay trained on me. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, and the moment he does I want to say yes, I want him to curl up beside me as I tell him about the horrifying dream and fall back into a dreamless asleep, but what I do remember doesn't make any sense it's only bits and pieces and would only confuse him and bring about question I don't want to answer especially where there could be unwanted ears listening in.

I shake my head. "No," I say frowning, Peeta mumbles an 'ok' and turns about to leave. "Peeta," I call causing him to pause as I shift getting out from the bed exposing the light violet mid thy length night gown I had worn to bed, he's frozen half turned towards me and half out the door unsure of why I was making my way towards him. I don't say anything, because there's no way I can say what I'm thinking. Instead when I reach him I wrap my arms around his bare torso in an embrace, "thank you."

Peeta clears his throat and I'm about to pull away and scurry back to bed, but before I do he wraps one arm around my shoulders in an awkward embrace as his other hand dangles at his side still holding onto the lamp. "Are you scared?" He asks.

"Terrified." I feel his body relax and his exhale on my ear.

"I thought you wanted this." He says so quietly that if his mouth wasn't next to my ear I'd probably have never heard him, dropping my hold on him I back up out of the embrace. _He thought I wanted what? _I think frozen as I stare up at him, '_That I wanted to go in and kill people? Does he think that I am a monster? A career. _

"I'm not a career." I say wrapping my arms around myself to protect myself from the chill.

"I know, I didn't mean." Peeta runs a hand over his head brushing the hair back that had fallen into his face, "it doesn't matter."

"Obviously it does." I state closing myself off,_ 'why was this happening? Katniss and Peeta didn't fight this much and when they did it was her fault, was this mine?' _"Thank you," I say "for checking on me. I think it would be best if we both got some sleep." I sound like my mother when she uses her calm angry voice.

"Kira, I." Peeta stops when I shake my head, I don't want to hear any more but that doesn't detour him long as he sighs, "I guess I still don't understand why you volunteered, I know you're not someone that wants to hunt and kill people." He pauses again as I meet his stare, "I know that. What I don't know is why you had to do it, and if you can't tell me than I'll stop asking but Kira I meant when I said that we were friends and I hope that you can trust me enough to tell me the truth."

The silence feels like it has dragged on for hours when it has only been seconds, _'Not knowing bothers him' _I realize and I can't fathom why it does. It's not like we're lifelong friends, we've only known each other for a year and our hang outs if you could call them that were few and far, between maybe once or twice a week. "Because I didn't belong there," I say what I've rehearsed so often that I don't even notice when Peeta frowns, "I had no intention of winning or coming back, I left so someone else wouldn't have to." Turning I retreat back to the safety of my bed, there isn't anything left to say and retelling the same story over and over has become draining because its paints a picture of something I'm not. It shows a martyr when in reality I'm a coward, taking the quickest way out that I can find.

"What if you do?" Peeta asks as we walks into my room placing his make shift weapon on a stand, there's an ottoman at the end of the bed he sits there.

"If I do, what?" I ask wanting nothing more than to turn out the light and go back to sleep.

"What if you do come home, back to twelve, what then?"

"I won't." My response is automatic, I'm going into the game to die and a part of me still thinks by doing this I will wake up back on my air plane with my family all alive and well.

"Why not? I seen you training, you wouldn't have put in the effort if you didn't want to live. So just imagine you do win, what comes next?" I stare blankly at Peeta, _why is he asking me this? _I turn from Peeta to look out the window above my bed, the one I had drawn the blinds back on to gaze up at the night sky, _'What can I do? Just live on until the second book rolls around a year later' _I think until something else settles on my mind.

"I'd try to find my family," I say turning back to face him, "I found my way to twelve maybe they found their way to another district," I know Peeta is thinking that travelling between districts doesn't happen unless its shipment days but he doesn't say anything and just listens. "Maybe I'll see if Snow can find out," even saying his name gives me shivers because I'm sure Snow would rather make an example of me and my family than reunite us, but like Peeta I don't say this aloud.

"Good," Peeta nods "it's good to have a reason to fight. You can't go into the games without having something that keeps you going." I stare at him for a moment bewildered and wonder if he knew all along that I wouldn't fight to get out, if all along he had been trying to give me a reason but I shake that thought off.

"What's yours?" I ask when Peeta doesn't respond and continues to look through me I blush "right," I laugh shaking my head, "to get home to your loved ones." I smile softly, "I guess at the end of the day that's what everyone is fighting for, to get back to the people they love." I say wrapping my arms around my knees that are now drawn up to my chin as I think about home and my family.

* * *

Okay sorry that not much happened here, hopefully you can't tell I rushed the ending -_- these scenes looked so perfect in my mind but I'm afraid they didn't show well in my written word, in my mental version it was a lot more romantic but lets face it they aren't ready for that! So I threw in a little spat instead hopefully that's ok ;) Plus I think that they needed to have that talk to clear the air because let's face it Peeta was really struggling with being mad at his friend!

Anyway a huge shout out/thank you to . for your continued support and encouragement :)

Also to Grapejuice101 for your review!


	11. The make over

**Chapter ten**

**The make over**

Last night hadn't been what I had expected, but then I didn't know what to expect from Peeta anymore. _'Him caring about whether I live or die wasn't my intention,' _I think as I brush out my long wavy locks, I've been up for what feels like hours taking advantage of the hot shower while I have it, I'm dressed in tight black pants with black stiletto boots that stop an inch before my knees my t-shirt is gray and flows gracefully around my shoulders but tightens up below my bust. The outfit seriously looks kickass, I just hope my blue eyes and soft brown hair doesn't take away from my look. I need to look strong, like I can hold my own because today is the day we arrive. _'It's nice though.' _I think smiling softly, getting up I place the hairbrush on the dresser on the far wall, above it hangs a mirror that reflects a girl that I nearly recognize to be me, everything about her screams tiny from her too small of a nose to her height even with the six inch heels. _'So much for looking tough,' _I internally scoff 'at_ least I'm clean.' _I haven't looked this clean since I arrived, from the crash to living in poverty personal hygiene fell somewhere to the background.

A light rapping at my door caught my attention as I reach for my locket that lays on top the dresser, "Up, up, up." Effie calls as I roll my eyes, I know I have to cut her some slack and knock of the hostility if I want her on my side and that it isn't her fault that she was born in the capitol, I try to picture her being born elsewhere, but with all of her makeup and wigs it's hard to picture her actual face under it all let alone her living in a district like twelve.

"Come in," I interrupt whatever she was in the middle of saying. There is a brief silence but soon my door is opened and she is popping her head in.

"Oh, you're dressed." She says sounding generally surprised as she takes in my form standing in front of the dresser, I fight back the urge to roll my eyes and try to smile.

"Actually would you mind giving me a hand," I say lifting my locket in a gesture to show her what I was talking about.

The light that fills up Effie's eyes is immediate as she takes quick strides to stand beside me before taking the locket gently from my hand, I pull my hair to the side to make it easier for her to do the clasp. "It's beautiful," She whispers placing the necklace around my throat allowing the heart to fall lightly on my chest. Once she has finished securing the lock she is quick to take a side step so she can easily see either my face or the locket I can't be sure, "what made you choose that as your districts symbol?" She asks.

"It belonged to my mother." I reply taking the opportunity to form a connection with Effie, "it's the last thing I have of hers." Effie nods understandingly but doesn't question me further on my family.

"Well I believe it was a good choice," she pauses "after all today is a big, big, big day and first impressions mean everything." I know she's right, and still I haven't decided on how I want to play it I'm not even sure if it matters. "Come on let's go join the boys for breakfast." Effie breaks my thoughts and leads the way out of my room, I'm quick to follow because I have nothing else left to do. When we enter the dining car Haymitch and Peeta are already seated around a table, whatever conversation they were having stops when Haymitch sees our entrance.

"Come on, sit down!" He waves me over, Effie makes a bee line for the table off to the side that houses the coffee. Making my way over I can hear the click of my heels, that draws both Peeta's and Haymitch's attention to my feet, Haymitch raises an eyebrow at me as I take my seat. "So, you can actually walk in those, didn't see that one coming." He states as a plate of food is place in front of me, it's loaded up with eggs and bacon, ham and piles of fried potatoes I can feel my mouth water at the sight. And I realize just how much I've missed having food like this, the things I grew up with no wonder everyone thought I was from the capitol. There is a pitcher of orange juice, and one filled with hot chocolate I smile at the memory of piling little marshmallows on top of hot chocolate and trying to drink it only to end up getting a white mustache. _'I wonder if they have any marshmallows.' _

"They call it hot chocolate," Peeta tells me confusing my stare for curiosity, I open my mouth about to tell him I know, instead I smile. _'He doesn't need to know I grew up with all of this, that while his district starved daily I ate more than my share' _"It's good." I nod taking a sip from the cup, without the marshmallows it almost tastes bland. We eat in silence after that, if you can call the way Haymitch keeps tossing back his white liquor 'eating' someone should really tell him that you don't cure a hangover by drinking.

"So," I say gaining the attention of my current company "you're supposed to give us advice."

Haymitch's nose crinkles, "didn't we already do this bit?" He asks causing me to freeze up, I couldn't be messing up already. Sighing he shakes his head and eyes his glass, "you want my advice?" He asks as Peeta leans in close looking afraid to miss the important information "Stay alive." Haymitch's face is dead serious until it cracks and he starts laughing like he had just heard the funniest joke around, and I know now why Katniss threw a knife at him. He isn't funny.

"That's very funny," Says Peeta his face is hard as he clench's his jaw, his eyes are alight with anger when he strikes out at the glass in Haymitch's hand sending the cup filled with red liquid to the floor I hear it shatter as my fingers close around a butter knife. "Only not to us." I watch Haymitch as his glare is on Peeta, I know what he will do next and he's fast but I'm faster, the reason for this probably has a lot to do with his substance abuse dulling his senses. Either way my butter knife is pressed against his jugular, and my chair is lying on its backside tossed over in my hurried attempt to gain control of the situation.

All eyes are on me and I can feel the disbelief at what I had done, I clench the knife tighter in my hand feeling the sudden build up of moisture that threatens to let it slip from my grasp if I loosen my hold, as I keep my glare trained on Haymitch who coughs and relaxes back into his seat studying both Peeta and I. I have drawn the knife back towards me but remain standing as if I was waiting for something to release me, when Haymitch laughs and slams his open palm on to the table I share a confused look with Peeta. "Look at that," Haymitch bellows his cheeks tinted red from the combination of alcohol and laughter, "I've got myself a pair of fighters this year."

Haymitch calms down somewhere between when I placed the knife down on the table and pick up my over turned chair, I'm about to take my seat when Haymitch stops me. "Don't bother, stand over there." He pauses nodding to the center of the room before eyeing Peeta "both of you," Peeta and I do as we're instructed and stand side by side a few feet away from the table as Haymitch studies us, it reminded me of when I had come to him for help six months ago. Haymitch circles us, prodding at mussels and turning our faces this way and that. Not that it was necessary where I was concerned after all since we'd been spending irregular time together I was fairly sure he already knew my physical capabilities.

"Well, you don't seem completely useless." Haymitch states standing before us, "Seem fit." He says while looking at Peeta before turning his blue eyes on me, "you've lost weight, nothing a few extra helpings won't help solve." I blush at this, surprised he noticed it wasn't so much that hunting had become more difficult or anything it was more like after feeding my adoptive family majority of what I caught or found was sold. To be honest the closer the games got the less of an appetite I had. "And once the stylists get a hold of you, you'll be attractive enough," Haymitch stated before continuing on "and you've already caught the attention of the capitol." He finish's off looking at me as I hold his gaze, "you'll have to play that to your advantage. Don't give them too much at first because they'll bore of you fast, just tidbits to keep them wanting more would be best." I swallowed around the lump in my throat and nod, the thoughts of the kind of questions they would ask plagued my mind and after the nightmare I had last night I wasn't exactly eager to answer any of them.

"All right, I'll make a deal with you." Haymitch states gaining our attention once more, and I smile because I know what is to come next and it makes me feel the tiniest bit better knowing Haymitch is officially on our side, I'm still working on swaying Effie which may take some more work with how little time we've spent together, but it the end hopefully it'll have been worth it. "You don't interfere with my drinking, and I'll stay sober enough to help you." He's looking at Peeta when he says that, apparently spilling two drinks has labeled him the troublesome one. "But you have to do exactly what I say."

"Fine," Peeta and I both say in unison.

"Good," Haymitch nods picking up his bottle of liquid courage, and I wonder if it actually helps him to face the capitol after going through the games. "We'll be arriving in a few minutes," he states glancing at an old wooden clock, "you'll be tended to by your stylists when we arrive, they'll be doing some work on you. You won't like it, but no matter what it is, don't resist." He's quiet for a moment, "if there is anything you'd like to do before we arrive now's the time, you want to look your best because when we pull into the station the cameras will be back on." He states.

* * *

Peeta has excused himself, probably taking Haymitch's words to heart and getting cleaned up before we arrive. But I can't make myself care enough to double check my appearance or to take another shower, instead I stand staring out of a window even though we are moving too fast to be able to take in any scenery. "You seem nervous," Haymitch says, turning I'm surprised to see him still standing in the dining car, "I'd of thought you'd be more excited."

"Being nervous is human," I say without denying the fact, "sorry, about earlier." I say referring to our less then appropriate breakfast behavior. If Effie had been in the car at the time I no doubt would have to apologize to her as well.

Haymitch shakes his head coming to stand closer, "never apologize. It's interesting though, when you claimed to want to protect our male tribute I didn't think you meant from me." He says, but I can see that there is something else he wants to say, "What is your relationship with that boy?" and there it was.

"Peeta," I breathe his name turning to look back out the window, "he's my best friend," I answer easily, "my first friend at the district."

"You'd die for him." Haymitch stated, it wasn't a question because he already knew I intended to do so for whomever came into the games with me, he just didn't know that I knew it would always be Peeta. "You won't be changing your mind?" There's the question, and I turn to him with my eyebrows pulling together "I assumed as much." He states looking about ready to leave,

"Why would I?" I ask causing him pause.

"You'd be the easy sell," he states honestly, "you've already caught their interest, and I'm sure they'll be keeping their eye on you."

"For the interview," I say before hesitating, taking a breath I have to go on because I need to expel these thoughts before they consume me. "They're going to ask where I came from, aren't they? They'll want answers I can't give them." I can feel my hands start to shake as I close them into fists, watching Haymitch I wait for the answer I already know is coming.

"Yes," I nod even though I wanted nothing more than to run and hide, "it's not going to be easy, and to be honest in the long run it'd be easier for you to die in the arena." His words are like ice, but looking at him I knew what he meant because if I came back from this they would want answers even if they had to torture me to get them. That was the first time I realized no matter what I did, I would die, because the moment the capitol had found out about me I was put on their hit list.

* * *

Three hours later I'm standing in the nude being examined by three of my stylists, Venia, Flavius and Octavia have already scrubbed my body raw and stripped away all the hair that was deemed atrocious. When I asked "Can't we just shave it all?" in hopes of evading the painful waxed strips Venia, who was the one to strip my body clean responded with a look of skepticism enhanced by the golden tattoos around her eyebrows.

"Shave? Who shaves anymore?" Venia asks while shaking her aqua spiked head, "No, this will keep the unwanted hairs away for much longer."

After this is done Octavia takes over, she is a plump woman with skin dyed the colour of light peas, Octavia offers me a robe and instructs me to take a seat in the cold metal chair like I have been doing repeatedly in the past few hours, before she starts to work on my nails. Octavia files them to perfect oval shapes before applying polish, while Flavius my only male prep member runs a brush through my hair occasionally spraying it with some kind of mist that smelled of strawberries.

When they are done I'm instructed to stand once again and shed my robe, normally I'd be uncomfortable and if I didn't know that the other twenty three tributes were going through the same invasive grooming I would have bolted the moment they told me to strip. The three of them start to circle me, hair plucker's in each of their hands; I can't help the grimace that pulls at my lips I hated the instrument with a passion enough to make me wish for the waxing strips back. Venia catches my look, trying her best to look sympathetic she apologizes, "sorry, nearly done. Just need to spot the stray hairs, always have a few."

Her statement does little to make me feel any better, so instead of dwelling on the inevitable plucking that is about to take place I try to start a conversation. Faking a laugh I say, "I bet I'm taking the longest."

Flavius catches my eye and gives me the tiniest of smiles, I wonder if they are trained not to get attached, they must be or their job would feel unbearable. "You're doing very well, actually." He says before reapplying his purple lipstick while the girls finish up and step away, I watch them curiously as they examine their work marveling in the nearly finished product. I see them nod in satisfaction before Flavius continues, "if there is one thing we can't stand it's a whiner, grease her down." The last bit isn't directed at me, as they all move to apply lotion to my body that instantly starts to sooth the raw skin.

"Look," Octavia exclaims when they are finished, turning to see the full length mirror I'm met with my reflection, though it felt more like I was looking at my former self the girl I used to be before my life got turned into some sort of sick fantasy. "You look presentable now." She says with a smile.

The same time that Venia coos, "you look like a human being!" and Flavius nods with a grin, agreeing with his female coworkers.

Turning I manage a genuine smile, "Thank you," I say honestly because the image is a reminder of why I am here and what I am fighting to get back, my life. "It's really rather difficult to look nice back in twelve." I say, quietly which causes Octavia to clasp her hands together as she looks at me.

"Of course, you poor darling! And after such a transition," Octavia pauses long enough for Venia to scold her and a sharp look causing the pale green woman to clasp her hands over her mouth looking mortified by her own words. Confused I look between my three stylists, besides Venia's obvious scornful look Flavius looks uncomfortable.

"It's alright," I tell them, curious why Octavia's words would cause such a reaction out of them. When no one changes the topic, or continues to speak at all I continue confused, "really I don't mind, if there is anything you want to know?" I leave off watching as they exchange looks before both Flavius and Octavia are looking to Venia for her permission. Sighing the woman shakes her head as a single to go ahead.

"Obviously the first question is, is it true?" Flavius starts looking eager.

I laugh a little, when I expected the capitol to drill me for answers I expected it to be horrible and feel uncomfortable, but in this moment it's almost like talking to friends, or at least a class full of students. "That I'm not actually from twelve?" I ask, the two nod, "Yes, it's true. My hovercraft crashed in the forest near the district, I was lucky to survive." I tell them for dramatic effect, it works because Octavia gasps, but mostly I can't help but realize how true it was. I was lucky to have survived the crash, and to find my way to a relatively safe place. If you could call this lucky, that is.

"You'll have a good chance at winning!" Octavia exclaims, ever the happy bordering on hyper one of the three, "don't you think?" she asks turning to her companions, "I mean she's survived a hovercraft crash, I think we may have a winner on our hands. How great would that be? To prep the next victor?"

I laugh shaking my head causing my waves to sway, "Sorry," I apologize when they look at me like I am mad, "it's just when I anticipated telling people I'm not from twelve I expected more hostility." If I hadn't won them yet, then I did as they all seem to want to inspire me with kind words like.

"Not at all, this makes you special." Flavius states with a kind smile,

"Everyone will love you, will want to be you and know your story." Octavia states as Venia nods along with her finishing off their words of encouragement.

"It's all the advantage you will need to get sponsors." She states, I smile thanking them again because I hadn't expected them to end up being so nice, even if their motives were unclear it was reassuring to hear what they had to say. "Alright," Venia breathes all business like, "it's time, let's call Cinna!" They say before retreating, Octavia barely having the time to hand me my robe before bustling out of the room after her partners in crime.

* * *

Alright so here it is, chapter ten, yay! I know I've been MIA for awhile, truth be told these past three months have been some of the hardest I've had in a long time maybe the worst three months ever and I just couldn't write not for this or anything else but it's time to pick up where I left off and keep moving forward. I'd explain what happened, but truthfully I don't think anyone would really care, lol you come for Kira's story not for my life's story.

Moving on, let me know your thoughts on how this chapter panned out :)


	12. Sparks to Flame

**Chapter eleven**

**Sparks to flame**

I'm grateful for the moments alone as I wrap myself in the soft robe; it's white like everything else in this as I look around it reminds me of what our hospital rooms looked like, clean, sterilized. Turning I take another moment to glance at my reflection in the mirror, my hair has been brushed out but otherwise left untouched and my face is still clear of makeup, though I wonder for how much longer. Hearing the door I turn to face the one, the only Cinna, he glance's up at me from his blue folder meeting my stare, "Kira, hello." He greets warmly standing just inside the door, "I'm Cinna, your stylist. Robe, off." He instructs while making his way further into the room, I can't help but watch him even as I drop the robe. He's younger than I had expected, maybe early twenties, much too young to die next year but then so are all of the kids going into the arena next week. Shaking my head, I have to clear it of the troubling thoughts, because it isn't something I should be dwelling on. No, at the moment Cinna requires my full attention. "Just give me a moment," he says quietly as I watch him circle me, taking in every inch from head to toe. Until he stops to my right and gently lifts my arm, "what happened there?" he asks nodding to the scaring that I had nearly forgotten about.

"Wild dog," I answer meeting his stare, his eyes are green with flecks of gold that stand out with the aid of his metallic gold eyeliner, the only enhancement he has made to himself, it's simple and effective. Nodding Cinna drops my wrist and takes a step back.

"How do you normally wear your hair?" He asks, "Up or down?"

"Down," I answer automatically.

Cinna pushes his lips together, clearly not liking my answer, "it'll be much safer to wear it up in the arena, but we want the audience to recognize you so if you prefer it down…" he trails off, still not entirely liking the idea.

"I could do half up, half down, or a pony tail, or bun." I state, "I'd prefer not to wear it in a braid though." I tell him, it's possible that I'm trying to keep myself from turning in to Katniss that I refuse the look, but in all honesty I never wore my hair in a braid to begin with.

"We'll curl it, draw some attention to these natural curls, and pull the front back to keep it out of your eye sight." He states after a moments debate, "now that, that's settled. Pick up your robe and follow me." I do as I'm told and follow Cinna into a joining room, it's a sitting room with two red couches facing each other and a coffee table placed between them, the walls are bare like the room I'd been in all morning, the only difference is this room has a wall filled with windows allowing the natural light to fill the room. "Come, sit." Cinna stated pulling my mind away from the city beyond the glass. Offering Cinna a small smile I take my seat on the couch directly across from him and watch as he leans forward and presses a button, and watch as the table opens up and food appears on platters. Roasted chicken with orange slices are marinated together in some light yellow sauce with what looks like parsley and other spices cooked in, besides that there is a pudding off to the side that I assume is butterscotch.

Picking up a fork I strip a small piece of chicken away from the bone before eating it, a few moments of silence has passed us by before I look up to see Cinna sitting back on the couch studying me. Swallowing I feel my cheeks start to warm with a blush of embarrassment, after all the prep work I was hungry but we were here to talk wardrobe. "How are you enjoying the food here?" Cinna asks when he realizes he has my full attention.

"To be honest," I pause "I've eaten more in the past twenty four hours then the year I've been living in twelve." I'm exaggerating, I'm sure, but my stomach has never felt as full as it did last night after dinner.

Cinna nods at this, "I've heard that if you don't take it easy, it could be a shock to your system." He states off handedly.

"It's not what I'm used to," I agree and have to bite my tongue not wanting to say something that I would later regret, after all it wasn't Cinna's fault he'd proven to Katniss that he was willing to do what was right, and that alone was enough for me to hold my tongue.

"Alright. Well, Kira about your consume for the opening ceremony my partner Portia, who is the stylist for your fellow tribute Peeta, and I are planning to dress you both in complementary costumes." Cinna says pausing long enough to make sure I'm following him. "As I'm sure you know, it's customary to reflect your district." I nod, because I know all of this already.

"So we'll be dressed in some coal miner getup?" I ask, even though I already know that Cinna has planned something completely original and mesmerizing, instinctively I bit my lip it's all I can do to keep my smile from showing.

"No," Cinna waves off the idea, "that is so overdone, it's lacking finesse. No our job is to make the District twelve tributes unforgettable." Cinna states with a look in his eyes thought is either true passion or madness, "Rather than focusing on the coal mining, we're going to focus on the coal. What do we do with coal?" He asks, all eagerness plain on his features as he leans forward, and I can't help but do the same, something about the excitement draws me in as my fingers grip the end of the knee length robe.

"We burn it." I answer

"Exactly!" He exclaims, "Kira, you're not afraid of fire, are you?"

I can't stop the smile now that threatens to slip my face in half.

* * *

A few hours later I'm dressed in a black unitard that covers me completely from neck to ankle, black leather boots are laced up to my knees and I'm in love with the look. Honestly it makes me feel like some vigilantly and I'm nervous and excited all at once. I do a slow spin allowing the cape that is made of streams of orange, yellow and red to flutter around my body. I'm not sure who is more mesmerized by the sight, myself, Cinna or my prep team that are all grinning at my little display.

Flavius has brushed my hair, curled and binned it back but left it down to flow over my shoulders at my request, for whatever reason Cinna hasn't mentioned the headpiece but I don't bring it up encase he has rethought the idea. Octavia has added a small blackened tip to my nails making them appear singed; she then adds a coat of something that smells terrible over it that she says will make them look like they are also on fire. Venia and Cinna have overseen my makeup; for the most part my face is left untouched the only noticeable change is around my eyes that now have a dark smoky colour surrounding them.

"I've had to rethink the headdress," Cinna states coming forward with something quiet small in his hands, it's a comb I realize that has black streams dangling from it, Cinna places the comb above where my hair has been binned and then proceeds to intertwine the strands into my hair. "This will also be lit on fire," he states before he continues, "of course this isn't real fire, and you'll be perfectly safe." He states taking a step back to look at him work once again, "it's important that you wear the costume, and that it doesn't simply where you." He finishes meeting my gaze, "do you understand?"

I nod, even though I'm not entirely sure what he is getting at, I'm already entirely aware of the fact that these are big shoes I am trying to fill. "Of course," I say, "I'll wave, I'll smile, hell I'll even take a bow." It's meant to sound lighthearted, but when I see the look Cinna is giving me with his eyebrows pulled together like he is trying to figure something out, something that isn't sitting well with him. Something changes.

"I will not be forgotten." I say.

Whatever hope I had to calm the nerves that have come over him shifts when he looks at me, it's strange, his eyes are no longer alight with excitement; no, he looks mission oriented almost like he knew from this moment what was to come. All of the death. The rebellion. But that was impossible. I open and close my mouth unsure of what to say, as I stare back at the man before me. There's a knock on the door that snaps Cinna out of whatever like trance he had been in, he nods before looking at the door then back to where I stand before him, "good, are you ready?" He asks me, I nod, because what else is there for me to do?

I follow Cinna to the door, when he opens it I'm relieved to see Peeta with his stylist, "what'd I tell you, girl's always take the longest." She states, but it doesn't matter because Peeta isn't listening to her anymore, no I have his full attention and I smile because it feel's almost normal, like everything else doesn't matter; it's just too bad that the moment doesn't last long. Who I assume is Portia turns and leads the way, Cinna is quickly at her heels and their whispers start instantly.

My locket is placed on top of the unitard lying on my chest, and as we walk to the elevators I can't help but touch it. When were in the elevator Peeta is standing beside me, "you look great, did I say that yet?" he asks smiling at me on the ride down, dropping my hand I shake my head and smile back still feeling the excitement and nerves twisting in my stomach. "Well you do."

"Thank you," I reply "you do too."

Peeta seems uncomfortable as the elevator stops on the ground floor and we all exit, "so apparently we're going to be set on fire."

"Our clothes are." I correct him with a half smile, Peeta opens his mouth to retort but closes it almost right away and looks away, seemingly embarrassed about something. "Nervous?" I ask as we stop back stage beside our chariot "tell you what, I'll rip your cape off if you'll do mine?"

"Deal." He laughs and extends his hand. We shake, and as we do I catch Cinna looking at us. Studying us they way he has been doing to me for the past few hours. "After you," Peeta says before showing me to the step ladder, I can't help the hesitation that hits me on the first step, and I have to close my eyes to force back the images from my nightmare. Feeling a hand on my arm I reopen my eyes to see Peeta standing there looking at me with concern, "it'll be ok." He says, and it's a lie, the sweetest lie he can give me.

Nodding Peeta drops his hand as I continue to make my way into the chariot, closely followed by him. I can hear the crowd roaring with applause and screams as each pair of tributes make their debut, soon district eleven has gone and Cinna is standing next to our chariot. "Ready?" he asks, and without waiting for our responses he lifts a torch and lights our capes on fire, climbing the few steps he lights our headdresses a blaze as well. "Alright," he says catching our attention, "remember heads high, smiles. They're going to love you." I watch as he jumps down and our chariot starts to move, Cinna spins and shouts something waving his hands in the air but our announcement drowns him out.

"I think he wants us to hold hands," I say quietly to Peeta, who nods and takes my hand without a thought and squeezes it. And it's just like the first time, on reaping day, and like then I can't contain my small smile at the warmth and strength in his one hand. It's calming, knowing that he will be ok, knowing that as long as I do what I already know I have to that Peeta will be the one going home. The big doors open and our chariot bursts through them, it's quiet at first but that silence quickly turns to applauses and screams as we make our way down the run way to where President Snow is waiting.

* * *

Apologies for the short chapter. I was just excited to get this out :)

A big thank you to . for sticking with me through this story, and to all of my readers who have followed and favorited.

I debated on writing the scene of the chariot ride in Peeta's prow, and I really wanted to do that but didn't want him to seem out of character or off in anyway, so I think that after I spend some time in Peeta's shoes (hypothetically) and get to know the character's in a more in-depth way I'll attempt writing a side story to this one filled with Peeta and possibly other characters points of views at different points. But I do think that scene will be in there. Sadly I have to finish this story first so I can't get too carried away.

Anyway, share your thoughts, and if there is any scenes you'd like to read about through someone else's eyes then let me know and I will add it to my list!

Hope everyone had a good Valentines day


	13. the First Touch of Rebellion

I wanted to apologize for any and all spoilers! I can't believe I didn't even think that some haven't read all of the books, -_- I guess I thought they were just so amazing that everyone had read them and knew everything that was to come. That being said I will try to be more careful to not spoil any details of the third book and will keep any references to the second to a bare minimum.

I would like to thank, grapejuice101, TheCatalystx, AllTheWrongChoices, and for your amazing reviews! And to everyone who followed or favoured this story I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter Twelve**

**the First Touch of Rebellion**

The big doors open and our chariot bursts through them, it's quiet at first as the audience takes in our appearance and then that silence quickly turns to applauses and roaring as people call out our names. Our costumes are a hit. The fire licks at the air eagerly like actual flames and I squeeze Peeta's hand for a moment waiting in anticipation to know if they will burn, I smile over at him went they don't. Our costumes are beautiful and terrifying.

The sheer sound of everything colliding together draws my attention back to the crowd, the applause, the music and the screams, it's overwhelming and it wouldn't surprise me if I left this place deaf, but that doesn't stop the smile from gracing my lips as I wave with my free hand knowing that Peeta is doing the same on my other side. The crowd only cheers louder as we smile and wave. I can feel Peeta's hand squeeze mine lightly, and I wonder if he is afraid to fall off like he had told Katniss in the books but looking at him I doubt it, Peeta must have felt my stare because he turns to me and smiles. I smile back. I'm glad he's here, out of any boy from the district he is the only one that could make me feel this calm being in the eye of the storm.

Our eyes are still locked when a thought occurs to me. "Do you trust me?" I ask, though I know he couldn't hear me because the sound of my own voice never makes it to my own ears over the thunderous sound of the audience that surrounds us. When Peeta' nods I smile wondering if maybe he had heard or perhaps read my lips, either way I know I have to do it before I lose my nerve. I just hope he won't actually fall. When I let go of his hand I see the frown and confusion flicker across his face, and I try not to dwell on the fact that I'm hyper aware of how close our bodies are before I throw my arms around his neck and over his shoulders. It takes Peeta a moment to wrap his arms around me and pull me closer to his body, but the moment I feel his one hand around my waste and the other sliding up to the middle of my back the crowd seems to erupt with cheers, crying out our names in a mixture of excitement and shock over the fact that we are publically embracing. Hugging. Holding on to each other even though everyone knows that soon we will be thrown into an arena where we are supposed to kill one another. Only that won't happen.

I pull back and the first thing I notice is how dangerously close our faces are as his breath tickles over my top lip, and I'm sure every camera in the area is broadcasting that closeness to all of Panem. How easy it would be to reach up and press my own to his, the thought causes a blush to colors my cheeks; hopefully the flames that are flickering all around us will hide that for me. The second thing I realize is the look on Peeta's face, the confusion and intensity in which he stares as he is looking down at me. I wonder what he is thinking, if maybe I've crossed a line but as he starts to smile all doubts are erased. I smile back before feeling something gently graze my arm, turning away from Peeta with one hand still over his shoulder and the other pulled away after feeling the contact of a foreign object. I notice them, roses, as red as the fire on our capes are being thrown for us. I can feel Peeta's hands slipping away from my back as I move reaching for a rose that lies on the hood of our chariot, I remember that Katniss picked up a rose and blew them a kiss, picking up the rose I bring it to my nose and inhale more for the effect that it is having on the crowd then for the actual smell of the rose. Holding the rose near my chest I turn my head to face Peeta, and am startled to see that he is still looking at me.

It isn't hard to force a smile onto my lips, one that he returns just as quickly. Reaching out my free hand he takes it, intertwining our fingers, and we lift them to the crowd that is going wild. It's still surprising as I look around at the crowd of odd looking people, that they seem to only be getting louder with each interaction Peeta and I have, it strikes me at that moment as we near the end of our ride that the only way to save Peeta might be by playing right into their hand and pretend to have some type of romantic relationship with him. The feeling that grips me when I catch myself studying the side of his face as he smiles for the crowd stills the breath in my lungs, I hadn't meant for this to happen. He was my closest friend and using him, even if it is to save his life is wrong…unless, but I can't. I can't have feelings for Peeta Mellark.

Even if I did, I could never tell him. With the foreknowledge that he is in love with Katniss and that I have no intentions on leaving the arena alive, it just wouldn't be fair.

I swallow around the lump that has formed in my throat when our chariot stops, because the thought that I had feelings for Peeta besides friendship was terrifying. "Kira! Kira!" It takes me a moment to realize that it's not the crowd calling my name, but Peeta as he looks at me with concern. I smile apologetically as I realize that I've zoned out, trapped in my own panicked thoughts, and have completely missed President Snow's welcome. Though I assume he drew no attention to me, or the potential burning at the stake of my family, since everything is calm. Well as calm as it can be with a door separating us from the crowd.

"Sorry," I shake my head feeling slightly embarrassed which only increases when I realize that our prep teams are all gawking at me. Forcing a small smile I address them directly as Peeta leads me off of the chariot, our hands still intertwined "sorry it got a little overwhelming there for a minute." As Cinna and Portia remove our headdresses and capes to extinguish the flames with a spray that is contained in small canisters, Peeta and I are forced to let go of each other. I notice I'm still holding the single rose as I lift my hand and absently play with its red peddles, our prep teams aren't really cooing over us anymore but more like about us to each other. That's fine by me though as I stare down at the flower, a small smile still on my lips.

"You did great out there," Peeta speaks breaking my concentration, lifting my gaze I take in his smile it's so small that I almost don't notice the slight turn of his lips. "The audience went nuts when you," and I wonder if I imagined the blush that tinges his cheeks, "hugged me back there."

"Thank you, but I'm not the only one that was on fire up there." I say, only to laugh at the cheesy line that had left my lips. "Seriously though," I clear my throat, attempting to look serious "thank you."

"For what?" He asks genially not knowing what I had to thank him for,

"For not letting me fall off back there," I smile the feeling of how close we had been moments ago still fresh in my mind; I just hope that the thought doesn't bring a blush back to my face as well.

"I wouldn't have let you fall," he says quietly his gaze never leaving mine and in that moment I believe him.

* * *

I could still hear the roar of the crowd as the water from the shower rains down on me, I wish I could say that I still felt Peeta's presence and his hand in mine. If anything the lack of it is almost suffocating. Closing my eyes I lift my head to the oncoming water hoping it would wash away my muddled mind, _It's not that I want him here, _I tell myself _It's that I'm scared. Terrified that if I mess this up that he won't make it out alive. If that happens, it will be my fault. _

Even as I step out of the shower and onto the mat that instantly dries my body and press the button for the hair dryer that not only dries my hair but detangles it and parts it in a seemingly natural way. I vow that from this moment on I will give it my all, I will give the capitol what it wants to see even if that is some made up story about a girl who loves a boy, I'll play my part and die to save him when the time comes. I run my fingers through my hair as I exit my privet bathroom and walk across my temporary bedroom to the closet, it's smooth and soft probably the healthiest my hair has ever felt. After picking out undergarments, I've decided on something simple and famine and pull out a dress with a white top and a blue skirt, it has a slim delicate brown belt around the waist and I pick out brown flats to match it. Enhancing just how short I really am.

I've decided to leave my hair down in its natural curls, when Effie calls me for dinner.

Cinna, Portia and Peeta are out on the balcony when we enter the dining room, I'm glad to have them here because I wouldn't mind getting to know Cinna better. I wonder when I die if his life will be spared, because there will be no reason to make an example out of him because there is no Mockingjay. Peeta must have felt my stare because he turns from Portia, who has been talking to him, to see me on the other side of the dining room I can't help but to return his smile. I pull my eyes away as the three start to file back into the dining room, instead my eyes travel to the long table that is filled with plate and bowls covered with silver lids. It that moment I realize just how hungry I am, apparently getting all dressed up and being put on display could make a person feel famished.

I'm vaguely aware of the man that is going around with a platter of wine, when he turns from Cinna and Portia to offer me a glass I lift my gaze up to make eye contact. My hand already raised to accept the glass stalls, stalls as our blue eyes meet. Standing before me is Adam Tate, an elderly man with graying hair, my hand falls away to hang limply at my side, before it touches the glass and I'm grateful because I would have dropped it. I feel sick. Physically ill as my mouth opens and nothing comes out, no words would be enough, I hadn't been prepared for this, Adam Tate had once been our pilot and now he was a prisoner of the capitol, an Avox.

I fight against the tears that are now glistening, dropping my head I can't look at him. He didn't deserve this. And if Adam was here than the rest of my family, and the crew had to be somewhere, and I had no way of knowing if they were alive or dead. Or if they had all met the same fate as Adam, that thought only made my stomach twist more. I wasn't hungry anymore. I whisper so quietly that I can't be sure if he heard me, "I'm sorry." I can't make a big scene over this, I can't cry or ask the million questions that have flooded my mind, all I can do is whisper that I am sorry and turn away.

I cross my arms trying to create some type of barrier between myself and everyone else that is in this room, ignoring Peeta's gaze that I can feel burning up the side of my face. Out of the corner of my eye I see Haymitch enter the room, and I try to breath normally. Inhale. Exhale. I repeat this over and over and I do the motions. This is an important moment, over dinner we will talk about tactics and plan our strategies. I can afford to let my emotions cloud my mind. Not even for a second, and I think that fact kills a part of me. The part that was barely holding, clinging to hope that somehow her family was alive and well back home. That image shattered.

* * *

While we sit at the table everyone enjoys their meal, I can barely force myself to touch mine it helps that I can't eat half of it. Being as I can't stomach the texture of sliced tomatoes and am allergic to mushrooms, so all that is left is the roast beef sliced in delicate look strips and some noodles with a thick green sauce that looks a lot worse than it actually tastes. I sit there twisting my fork in the noodles, staring at the food but not really seeing it. My appetite hasn't returned yet, and a I know that I'll have to get over it since soon I'll be going into the arena but even with the knowledge that I need to build up my strength to keep Peeta alive I can't force myself to take another bite.

"Kira, dear are you alright?" Effie asks as I lift my eyes to look at her, she's seated directly across from me with Haymitch to her left, Peeta is on my left. Both Cinna and Portia are seated at the heads of the table. I wonder momentarily when I became a 'dear' I suppose it could have been the moment I asked for her help with my locket and told her that it had belonged to my mother.

"I'm fine." I say quietly lowering my gaze as I try to ignore the stares I am receiving,

"Cheer up, you and Peeta did amazing tonight." She pauses, before adding "there's a cake coming." Pushing my chair back I stand, not wishing to take part in any more pleasantries.

"I'm going to sit on the couch," I say as an explanation, before turning to walk away pretending I don't hear Effie immediately start to whisper to the others about how I must be nervous. No one comments on her assumption, but it doesn't matter because at the moment I can't force myself to care about how weak I must look in front of them. Taking my seat at the end of the couch I pull my knees up and rest my head on them, if they thought I was weak now as I put up a wall around myself I wonder how pathetic I would seem if that wall came crumbling down and I let myself cry for the confirmed loss of my family. Because if they are here, then they are lost.

When the TV over the fire place automatically turns on, signaling the start of the replay of the opening ceremonies Peeta takes the seat next to me offering a friendly smile, one that I try to return but am all too aware of the fact that it doesn't reach my eyes. Effie sits next to Peeta, and Cinna takes a seat in one of the arm chairs, Portia takes the other, leaving Haymitch to stand behind the couch and watch. For the most part we watch in silence, until we appear on screen. At that point Effie can't contain her excitement as she 'awws' and gasps while clasping her hands together. "Whose idea was the hand holding?" Haymitch asks,

"Cinna's." Portia replies with a bright smile directed at her counterpart, I wonder if given the chance if they would have been an item as I watch the brief exchange.

"And whose idea was if for the embrace there at the end?" Haymitch asks, and I can feel him there standing behind Peeta and I. I watch as Portia and Cinna look from each other to us, I open my mouth to only close it again not seeing the point in telling him that I had made the decision. But apparently Peeta did, as he tells them.

"It was Kira," he says after looking away from me where his eyes had turned as soon as Haymitch had asked the question.

"Just the perfect touch of rebellion." Haymitch responds clasping a hand on my shoulder, I inhale before dropping my knees and lowering my feet to the group, taking in as much strength as I can from his brief contact. Haymitch was right, and I had known it the moment I first threw my arms around Peeta. This was why I was here, this is what mattered now. I needed to save him, I needed to start the rebellion. "Alright you two, off to bed. The grownups need to talk," He pauses as both Peeta and I stand, and I notice for a moment that he is taking us in and I know at this moment he truly finds us worthy of his fullest efforts to help one of us win. "Tomorrow morning is the first training session, meet me for breakfast and I'll teach you how I want you to play it." I nod before bidding the 'adults' goodnight and follow Peeta out.

We're half way down the corridor when Peeta stops and turns to face me, his face is set in a look of determination one only a friend could pull off. A no nonsense kind of look. "Alright," he nods once more to himself then to me and I smile at the effort he is putting into the act of bravery, "something's wrong. And I don't care what Effie says, you're not nervous. Hell you are the least nervous person in that room," he points down the hall referring to the adults that are discussing our next move, "what's going on Kira?" I bite my lip as I lower my gaze, I knew Peeta had asked Katniss what was going on when she had made that small scene over the Avox girl, but I hadn't made a scene over Adam. At least I didn't think I had.

He takes my silence for hesitance, and maybe I am hesitant because I don't know how he will react hearing that my pilot is now an Avox and my only lead to finding out anything about my family. Lifting my eyes we stand there silent for a moment, and I realize I know exactly how Peeta will react because it's the way he always reacts and that is with kindness. "Have you been up to the roof yet?" He asks, I shake my head. "Cinna showed me. You can practically see the whole city. The winds a bit loud, though." He pauses as a small smile graces my lips, "want to take a look?" I don't ask if we are allowed to, instead I nod and follow Peeta to the roof.

* * *

The wind caresses my face as we step out into the open, and I suppress a shiver instantly regretting my wardrobe choice. The view is breath taking, crossing my arms I walk further out into the open, for miles you can see lights shimmering; it reminds me of fire flies reflecting off of the water's surface. Beautiful. "Kira," Peeta's voice is soft like he had whispered my name, turning I offer him a small smile "would you like to see the garden?" He asks and I nod again before trailing behind him.

On the other side of the roof is a garden, complete with flower beds, potted trees with wind chimes hanging off the branches and benches beneath them. "When you first came in for dinner," Peeta started watching me as I lowered myself on one of the cold metal benches. "You were fine, you even seemed kind of happy. But that changed before we actually ate our meal, why?" Lifting my gaze to look at Peeta I patted the bench, the vacant spot next to where I sat, implying that if he wanted to know the answer he'd have to sit first. He did.

"Do you remember the first day we met? You came and sat with me as I stared out at the field beyond the fence line." I say, Peeta nods recalling our first interaction, "you asked me how I got those injuries," this statement causes his forehead to crease not seeing how this is relevant to the current topic, but all of that is about to change. "I told you our hovercraft crashed in the side of the mountain, and then on the train ride here you pushed me to find a reason to want to survive in the arena. I had told you about how I lost my family in the crash, but they weren't the only ones on the craft." I pause exhaling a slow breath, "three others were aboard."

Again I wait seeing him nod through the confusion, "down stairs, did you see the server holding the tray of wine?" He hesitates, thinking over the number of servers that actually waited on us tonight, and finally nods. "His name is Adam Tate, he was our pilot and is possibly the only person that knows what happened to my family." And there it is, the moment the words leave my mouth the tears I've been fighting against start to win. Turning my head away I brush at them, hoping that Peeta won't notice.

The feeling of his hand on the side of my face, coxing me to turn and face him is impossible to ignore. I bite down on my lip when he wipes away a tear, I can't allow my lip to tremble because I can only afford to look so weak before he realizes just how weak I truly am. "Kira, I'm so sorry." He apologizes, even though he has nothing to apologize for he must realize that if Adam is an Avox it's most likely because of the 'hovercraft' incident which means he also realizes the possible fate my family met and what fate I could meet if I tell anyone else. "You can't tell anyone this, you can't even go near him. You understand that, right?" He whispers, and for a while I don't respond lowing my gaze. I want nothing more than to go to Adam, to find out what happened to my family and that is exactly what Peeta is asking me not to do.

I hear Peeta sigh and stand up, "you're freezing." He states before shrugging off his jacket, and holds it to towards me when I don't take it right away he moves in closer and drapes it over my shoulder before sitting on his haunches, and doing up the button to keep the jacket from falling off. It's warm, against my cool exposed skin and I offer a pathetic smile feeling to drained to put any real effort into it. "Come on, let's get you inside." He pauses as his gaze trails from my eyes to my still exposed legs, "I should have got you to change before coming up here." He shakes his head at himself, before reaching out for my hand.

I grab hold of his and lift myself from my broken position, trying to leave behind the tirade of emotions on this roof as we exit it. We spend the walk to my room in silence, right up until we reach my door, I watch as he hesitates wanting to say something before changing his mind and bids me goodnight. "Night," I say quietly before he turns and walks away and I enter my temporary room. I wrap my arms around myself pulling the sides of the jacket closer together to bring me more warmth. _Peeta's jacket,_ I realize as I inhale his scent it smells rich like chocolate, probably a fragrance he tried out in the shower today, but there's something else a faint undertone of the flowers that were on the roof. Lifting my gaze I see it, a piece of white folded up paper is lying on my pillow.

When I move to sit on my bed I grab the remote that is on the night stand table, ignoring the note for the time being, and lift it to the wall that appears as a large window, it's really just a screen that can be changed to reflect the person within. I sit there numbly changing the image, first the capitol is shown with all its tall buildings and sparklingly lights. I change that. Next is an image of a forest that is being pelted with rain, it reminds me of the woods where I lost my family, letting a few tears fall I change that image to. I settle on one of a night sky, filled with stars and a full moon. I lower my hand to rest the remote in my lap and stare at the dark sky before me. Before turning and reaching for the note with trembling hands.


	14. And so the training begins

**Chapter Thirteen **

May contain book/movie spoilers, Author's note will be at the bottom.

When I wake I'm tangled up in my sheets and both of the pillows have been tossed onto the floor, a tell tale sign that my sleep last night had been everything but peaceful. _At least I didn't wake everyone up. _I think of Peeta and how I woke him up on the train with my screams of terror as I fight my way out of the bed, standing I watch as the sheet lays crumbled half on the bed and half on the floor. I turn and cast a long look at the fire place, its flame long extinguished as well as the note I had thrown into it, before making my way into the bathroom for a morning shower.

Today after breakfast we have our first training seminar, and I want to look presentable. When I exit my privet bathroom clothes have already been laid out for me, I pull on the tight black pants and the burgundy long sleeved tunic but discard the simple black leather shoes and go searching through the closet for the nearly knee high tie up black leather boots I had seen last night. Once my boots are tied I pull my hair into a high ponytail brushing through it once more before pulling on Peeta's jacket from the night before and setting out for the dining room. My lack of appetite from the night before has dissipated, leaving me eager for breakfast.

I'm surprised to see Peeta and Haymitch already seated at the table, eating silently, when I enter. "Morning," I say after Haymitch notices my statue like form hovering in the door way, Peeta nods swallowing whatever food he had been chewing on as he stares for a brief moment. Turning I make my way to the long table where trays of food have been placed, and fill a plate with bacon, eggs and toast. Taking a seat beside Peeta I pour myself a glass of orange juice, unaware of Haymitch's watchful eye while I eat my breakfast until he breaks the silence.

"You slept in late." He states as I lift my gaze from my plate to look at him.

"I did?" I ask glancing around to locate a clock, unable to find one I shrug it off. I couldn't have slept in _that_ late, after all they were still eating breakfast and no one made a point of coming to get me. Taking a drink of the fresh juice I shrug off Haymitch's observation. If I overslept then chances were my body needed it, after all soon enough I'd be lucky to get even a couple hours of rest, once we were in the arena.

"And isn't that Peeta's jacket?" He continues eyeing me with what I can now see is suspicion, choking on the juice I place the cup down and wipe at my mouth with the back of my hand wondering just what he was getting at. Haymitch picks up his fork and takes turns pointing from Peeta to me with the utensil, "are you sure there isn't something else going on between you two?" His question has Peeta choking on his food as my mouth drops open not anticipating the question.

"Yes, I'm sure." I glare once I've recovered, more out of embarrassment then anger though, Haymitch and I already talked about mine and Peeta's relationship back on the train, or lack thereof, and it was a friendship nothing more… I still wasn't sure what to do when it came to the relationship between Peeta and me, if I were going to aim for a one sided romance, unrequited love is a killer, but that would be what it was. Unrequited. I wouldn't get Peeta or Haymitch involved, I couldn't let Haymitch twist it into something worse then I already would be…I still didn't know if I would twist it to look like unrequited love anyway.

I wonder if friendship would be enough for the capital…

_It doesn't matter, _I remind myself lowering my gaze, _I'm not coming back; the one they need to fall in love with is Peeta. _

"That's too bad," Haymitch stated with a sigh pulling me from my thoughts, did he seriously sigh about that? I wonder disbelievingly, "I could have worked the star crossed lovers pitch." I can't bring myself to look and see Peeta's reaction; I'm too busy glaring at Haymitch because I know his comment has my face as red as a tomato and there is no makeup, or fake flames to help cover it. "Alright, let's get to business, shall we? First off, do you two want to be trained together or separately?"

"Together," I reply shrugging, before tossing a look at Peeta, "if that's okay with you?" I ask, seeing Peeta nod in agreement I offer a small smile grateful that Haymitch's comment hadn't made him not want to train with me.

"Are you sure? Neither of you has a secret skill you don't want the other knowing about?" Haymitch asks looking from Peeta to me his gaze lingering a little longer on me then Peeta, I'm sure I have a lot of secret skills neither of them know about, though I'm not interested in hiding anything from Peeta.

"I don't have any secret skills," Peeta states, "and we both already know Kira's skills." His statement catches me off guard as I look at him, "I mean you've been training together for months now." I open my mouth, shocked and a little concerned that Peeta is angry about my training advantage.

"We haven't exactly been training together," Haymitch states before shrugging off Peeta's accusation, "but you're right I do know of Kira's skills. And her weaknesses." I'm looking from Peeta to Haymitch my mouth slightly open, I hadn't realized how baffled this conversation would leave me, how did Peeta know I'd trained with Haymitch? And what were these weaknesses that Haymitch was talking about exactly? "Alright," Haymitch clears his throat, to get the subject back on track "give me some idea of what you can do, what are your strengths?" His question is mainly directed at Peeta.

"I can't do anything." Peeta states sounding slightly defeated, before putting on a small smile, "Unless you count baking bread."

"No, I don't." Haymitch states his stone face coming into play as his stare shifts between us once again, reading us and calculating something. He has something up his sleeve, question is, what? "Kira, I already know you can hunt. You have basic knowledge with a sword and are quick with a knife, anything else?" I hate that he wrote Peeta off so quickly, as my eyes dance between the two for a moment my mouth going dry. I don't want him focusing on me. I don't want his help.

"Not really," I lie. "Peeta is strong. I've seen him throw one hundred pound bags, and he knows how to wrestle, he's really good at it too. If he got in a hand to hand fight, he'd win." I pause noting the startled look on Peeta's face and the raised eye browed look Haymitch is giving me, "plus working at the bakery has taught him how to handle fire, and being able to cook is good for survival." My voice has become quiet from their stares as I lower my gaze, only slightly embarrassed by my outburst.

"Survival?" Peeta spits for the first time looking truly angry, I can't help but flinch back when his next words are solely directed at me. "I'm not a survivor Kira." His face is hard and unreadable as my eyes widen slightly unable to look away. "You are. You've been surviving all year, fending for yourself, fighting off wild dogs, hunting for food." He shakes his head while he names of these things that tell of my time alone, never having thought he would bring it up, and use it against me, I can't help but stare a little speechless as a pain sets in that I couldn't quite place. "You're the survivor, not me." By the time he is finished he sounds defeated again. I hate it, biting my lip I remove my gaze, avoiding his stare because I don't have a reply for what he said, at least not one that I can use.

"Alright," Haymitch nods, "you've both given me more to work with. Kira what technique do you use for hunting?"

"Mostly a bow and arrow, but I can make do without it." I state still avoiding looking at Peeta, as his words circle over and over in my mind. _He doesn't know how wrong he is…_ my minds whispers, _I'm hardly a survivor. _

"Can you set traps? Snares?" He asks, I nod, "good. That will help you in terms of food, and Peeta she is right never underestimate strength in the arena. Physical power tilts thee advantage to a player, there will be weights in the training center," he pauses to nod at me, "an archery section, stay clear of them. We don't want the others to learn your strengths; we lose the edge of surprise otherwise. The plan is the same for the both of you, learn something new, throw a spear, tie a knot, I don't care if you paint. Save what you're best at for your privet sessions. Are we clear?" He asks, Peeta and I nod, I've already heard all of this before but the refresher is welcomed. "One last thing, I want you two to stick together. In public, you'll present a united front, be friends, you've already got everyone's attention with your friendly display on the chariot ride, now you'll keep it."

I expect Peeta to abject, to at least try and protest. Only, he doesn't. "That shouldn't be difficult," he states with a smile directed my way, all traces of hostility gone as he shrugs, "since we already are friends." I can't help but smile as warmth fills my chest, Peeta stated before that we were friends but that was before the reaping, but hearing him tell Haymitch is something entirely different for some reason.

"Good, good." Haymitch nods, oblivious to my small smile, "now, Effie will be waiting for you at the elevator at ten for training."

* * *

By the time ten o'clock rolls around my stomach is tightly wound in nerves, last night I had only seen the other tributes from afar, but now that we would be trapped in the training center with them the threat of the games was becoming very real. And the fact that the faces I'd soon be seeing would be dead in a week was making the walk to the elevators take forever as dread started to creep up on me. I hadn't thought about killing any of them until now, and the notion was making me feel ill, sure I'd kill someone in the heat of a fight…maybe. But there was no way I'd go seeking out anyone to kill them off, I wasn't a career, and the thought was quickly becoming a promise, a vow, if I didn't have to kill someone, then I wouldn't.

I'm the last to arrive; Peeta and Effie are standing by the elevator waiting for me talking quietly amongst themselves. Forcing a small smile they nod acknowledging me before we enter the elevator.

The ride seems to only last a minute, and I wonder if it seems that way because of the collective nerves, or if the elevator ride had always been this sort and I had simply failed to notice until now. When the elevator doors open to reveal the large gymnasium I notice all of the other tributes, _we're the last to arrive, _I note numbly my mind still muddled with the thoughts of how all but one of us will be dead in a week's time. "Have fun," Effie smiles bidding us farewell as we step off the elevator and in to the large open space, I stare after her confused as I frown and watch as she walks away, _wasn't she supposed to stick around? _I wonder, as one of the many guards approaches Peeta and me and proceeds to pin the number twelve on to our backs.

"You ready?" He asks quietly once the guard backs off, his blue eyes focused on the circle of tributes that are standing with a tall athletic looking woman, who I assume must be our trainer.

Peeta's hand brushes against the back of mine lightly causing my gaze to shift down to our hands once his grips onto mine, confused my eyes dart back up to his and notice his slight flustered expression, "united front, right?" his eyes quickly shift from mine back to the other tributes as we start forward. _He…he's pretending. Acting. Using this united front as an angle, a strategy…just like Haymitch wants us to. _My eyes drop to stare at the ground when our trainer starts speaking; the thought saddens me but only slightly, I can't feel used because I was planning on doing the same but for some reason knowing that Peeta, who was sweet and caring was willing to use our 'friendship' to his advantage bothered me if only a little.

* * *

My hands shook as I held the hand written note,

_'Little Collins.' _The Note had started off the way our greetings always had, it was both calming and heartbreaking as I sat on the edge of my bed a small smile forming on my lips as I could practically see him ruffling my hair like he used to when I was a child, calling me the familiar nick name.

_'I don't have much time, even writing this note is dangerous and you must destroy it once you've read it. _

_Your family is not here. _

_The last time I seen them everyone was mostly alright, the one in the worst condition was actually you, I'd glad you pulled through. _

_The night I was captured your father, brother and Eric had set out to attempt to find help, while myself, your mother and Alexis waited with you at the crash site. Does this mean they found a safe place? Though I assume if they had, you wouldn't be here. I do wish I could help you. _

_Unfortunately if I tried, we would both be killed. Stay strong Little Collins.' _

Little drops of liquid hit the paper causing some of the words to smudge, _tears, _I realized numbly lifting my hand to my cheek to feel the moisture that settled there. I was crying. My fists tightened around the paper as I stood and slowly walked over to the fire, _I can't keep crying. _It was a quiet vow as I balled up the paper and threw it into the flames and watched it turn black and crinkle as it burned. "No more," I whispered quietly before wiping away the tears that left tracks on my cheeks, "I hope you're safe." I spoke to the flames, "but I have no way of really knowing, no way of finding you." Letting out a breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding I felt all of the energy drain out of my body. _I have to keep him alive, get Peeta home to his waiting family. _I think as I turn and make my way back to the waiting bed, _I hope that you're not watching that you won't have to see what I might turn in to._ Closing my eyes I crawl up into the bed and pull the blanket tightly around my shoulders hoping that it will protect me from whatever nightmares will attempt to taunt me while I sleep, and burry my head into the pillows.

_ At least I know that you're not here, that the capitol hasn't gotten its teeth into you. _

* * *

A pull on my hand gains my attention as I look up to see Peeta waiting patiently, it's then I notice everyone else has already gone to whichever station they wanted to start with. His smile is small and comforting, if he had noticed that my mind was else where he doesn't mention it. "Where would you like to start?" he asks as I take the opportunity to look around debating my answer, there are two categories of stations ones that are more physical or weapon related, and then there are the ones that are more mundane, survival basics. _Those ones would probably be the best ones for us right now._ I think as my eyes roam over the options: knot tying, fire starting, camouflage, edible plants, making a shelter…

"Let's go start a fire." I state only half joking as I smile pulls at my lips. And so the training begins.

"Haven't we done that enough already?" Peeta laughs half heartedly as we head over to the fire starting station, turns out that I wasn't far off when I had assumed Peeta knew how to handle fire and it quickly became obvious that I didn't as I frowned down at the sticks and rocks as I continued to rub the stick between my palms and the rocks. It had been an hour, and still I was getting no results, no flame, and no smoke just sore bruised hands. Sighing I gave up dropping the stick with a huff, lifting my gaze I noticed that Peeta looked slightly assumed at my lack of ability to start a fire. "You need to add more pressure if you want to get an ember going."

I can't help but roll my eyes before standing up, "let's move on shall we?" Ignoring Peeta's smile I glance around the gym, "what's next?" I ask tilting my head in his general direction.

"You shouldn't give up so easy," Peeta states moving to stand beside me, also glancing around at the other stations.

"We still have a few days, I'll come back to it later." I wave him off, when an idea hits me and I turn facing Peeta fully with a smile, becoming slightly excited by the idea, "will you paint me?"

"W-what?" I roll my eyes as his cheeks start to turn pink but keep my smile in place,

"Not like that. Your cakes are beautiful," I say as though it should be obvious, but leave out the fact that before going into the arena I'd really like to feel half as beautiful, "would you paint my arm?" Peeta nods mutely and leads the way over to the camouflage section.

We've been sitting cross legged for about an hour or maybe two, and every so often when the brush would graze against my under arm I couldn't help but laugh at how the brush felt against my skin. "You keep moving and I'm going to mess up," Peeta warns lightly but his smile shows his amusement at the entire situation.

"Sorry, it tickles." Peeta hasn't looked up from his work once, and it's beautiful my arm is covered in vines that have small yellow flowers mixed in, not to mention how he's managed to make it look like natural sun light is hitting off some of the leaves. "It's beautiful." I whisper after he pulls back, finished with his master piece.

"It's nothing." Peeta states shrugging as he dusts himself off and stands up, I can't help but frown, he doesn't know how wrong he is.

Careful not to smudge the work on my right arm I grab Peeta's coat and stand up, "thank you," his blue gaze flickers to meet mine before nodding and we head for lunch where the other tributes are already eating.

After severing ourselves Peeta and I sit together keeping our united front, "we'll practice that fire station again tomorrow." Peeta started to say breaking up our silence as we ate. After all we needed to appear friendly and our silence wasn't doing anything in our favor.

Lifting my gaze to his and away from the beautifully painted arm that had been distracting me I nod, "sure." I agree off handedly, not overly concerned about starting a fire "you know, you should paint canvases, they'd sell for millions." I can tell that my statement is flustering him slightly, just like my left field request that he paint my arm had.

"I'll keep that in mind." Peeta replies quietly his gaze shifting from the arm that I had been memorizing instead of eating my food, before drifting down to his own plate. "I didn't realize you'd like it that much." He confessed more to his plate then to me directly; still I can't help but smile.

"My mother loved art," I explain as my expression turns painful and slightly haunted, "when I was little she used to draw these cartoon characters in a flip book and it would be like watching a motion picture. It used to fascinate me." Peeta nodded his blue eyes never leaving mine once I had brought up my mother.

"You really miss her." Peeta pointed out softly, and it's then I remember that his relationship with his own mother is less then desirable.

Nodding I poke at my food, pushing it around my plate blindly, "Even though my parents worked full time, we were all pretty close. My parents, and my brother, I'd give my life to know that they were safe." A humorless laugh leaves my throat after a few seconds of silence, Peeta frowns not understanding what could possibly be funny, but then he doesn't know that I had in fact given my life to find out from Adam that at least the Capital didn't have my family. Even if I survived the games and never found them, knowing that they hadn't found themselves at the mercy of the capital was a relief and a victory all on its own.

* * *

**Author's note: **Wow, I am so, so sorry! I know I have been MIA for two months…god I can't believe it's been that long. I do have a good reason for my absence, and it's not just simply writers block, my mother is actually very ill and is going through a lot of tests right now and I suppose with the un expected death of the father that raised me a few years ago, that seeing my mother so sick has left me rattled to say the least. Anyway, thank you to everyone for your patience, who reviewed, or took the time to favorite/follow, I know that it isn't always easy but I do appreciate it!


	15. Cato

**Chapter Fourteen**

May contain book/movie spoilers, Author's note will be at the bottom.

The second day goes much like the first, after a refreshing shower and a filling breakfast Peeta and I are once again in the gymnasium training, and just like the day before we start off trying to make a fire. Peeta is seated behind me his chest leaning lightly against my back as he sits up on his knees and leans his head over my shoulder with his arms resting against my sides, his hands sit on top of my own as we hold the stick between the rocks and dried leaves, he starts talking, and I close my eyes briefly his breath is tickling right under my ear and it's distracting. "Now just add a little more pressure," and he added more pressure on the back of my hands as they moved swiftly back and forth, rubbing the stick against the rocks and dried leaves and grass, a small amount of smoke started to raise from the rocks and it was probably the furthest thing from my mind as a dark blush rose in my cheeks and I found myself having to remember to breath.

I'd hugged Peeta before, on the chariot ride and when he came to check on me back on the train and we'd held hands nearly half a dozen times since the reaping, but having his chest pressed against my back as his arm were around my middle with his hands on mine felt entirely different. And this wasn't even a real embrace! It was innocent, just a friend helping out another friend, but the eyes from the other tributes and snickering from the careers as one of the females pointed directly at us, _how discreet _I frowned they were turning the whole situation inside out as I tried my hardest to shift slightly away from Peeta, which was a lot harder done then said. "Look, you've almost got it." He quietly continued his encouragement, like he had been doing for an hour.

With a sigh I stopped, forcing our hands to go still, my face was flustered and my hands were getting sore, I didn't doubt that I probably had a few slivers, but above all else I just wanted some space from…well everyone.

Space from Peeta.

Space from the lurking tributes.

From all of Panem, but I knew I'd never get that. "Peeta, let's take a break." I breathed quietly avoiding looking at him as my eyes stared unseeingly at the tiny bit of smoke that was slowly dissipating into the air. I thought of Katniss, of how they called her the girl on fire, I was no girl on fire; I couldn't even start a fire! The thought nearly brought a spiteful laugh to my lips, closing my eyes I forced myself to breathe again. _This wasn't the time to think about that. _

"But you were so close!" He protested withdrawing his arms from around me as I reopened my eyes.

"Tomorrow." I whispered before we both got to our feet, Peeta said nothing as I continued to avoid looking at him. Though I knew he could tell something was up, the careers were getting to me, the pressure was getting to me! But whose fault was that? Not Peeta's. Dropping my shoulders my eyes landed on the physical training area, we had yet to venture over there, and I thought it was about time we did.

"What's wrong?" He finally asked stepping directly in my line of sight, and effectively putting himself between me and the careers that were standing by the spear throwing area. _Stop being stupid! _I scolded myself as I met Peeta's blue stare, _it's not his fault their stares are making me…uncomfortable. _Huffing a laugh I ran my hand over my head messing with my bangs as I mustered up the courage to explain myself. Apparently I needed the extra moment to collect myself.

"They've been staring." I stated quietly, "it's…" I trailed off, _embarrassing? Creepy? Straight up unnerving! _

"Oh," Peeta spoke more to himself then to me as he glanced at the careers, "I hadn't noticed." He sounded distracted by the information, and I wanted to ask what he was thinking about, but assumed whatever he was thinking was something I probably didn't want to hear. So I changed the subject.

"We should move on to something more physical, mix it up a bit." I stated my mind drifting away from the careers and away from how closely Peeta stood.

"Haymitch said," I cut him off with a roll of my eyes.

"I know what he said, but that doesn't mean we have to sit over here playing…" This time I cut myself off with a shake of my head, _playing what exactly?_ _House?_ _Friends? More than friends? _"We're not weak Peeta. And if they think we are they will mark us as easy targets." My voice was steady, steadier then I thought it would be when I met his gaze, "we should go over to the hand to hand combat mat, practice throwing some knives…spears. Something." _Something that wouldn't make us look soo…couple like… _

* * *

Standing off to the side I watched as Peeta sparred with one of the trainers, I'd already worked up a seat sparring with one of the trainers before him. _Our tactic and form is completely different. _I realized watching Peeta who used his strength to his advantage, I used my small stature and speed to my advantage not to mention my acrobats lessons provided me with a flexibility that allowed me to get out of tough spots and use others strength and weight against them.

"I think you could take him." A deep voice rumbled from behind me, turning I realized this person was close, too close as I stumbled and his hands landed on my upper arms to prevent what I was sure could have been an ungraceful fall with how startled I was. I was sure my face was comical as my eyes widened and I took a step back breaking his contact from my arms, once we were in the arena I had accepted that inevitably I would have to talk to a tribute or two…but I never thought one would seek me out before the arena, and if I did talk to another tribute I'd always assumed it would be Rue…not Cato.

Noticing his smirk I forced my mouth closed into a frown, and crossed my arms protectively over my chest. "Peeta's not my enemy." I stated trying to keep up a calm façade when inside I was anything but, as my heart hammered in my ears and as my eyes darted around, I realizing that he was alone and unarmed. _How did he get so close without me noticing? If this was the arena…I'd be dead. _I swallowed around my suddenly dry throat, I had to stay alert, and if I was going to stay alive I couldn't afford to let down my guard again.

"If that's true then how come only one of you can win?" He was trying to get under my skin, that I knew, but I also had an advantage since I already knew how to get Peeta home. "He's going to take the first chance he gets," he was looking over my shoulder now, his smirk still twisting his lips as he watched Peeta, "and when you least expect it. He'll end you." His gaze lowered back to mine as he tried to soften it, only I wasn't buying into it, not his prediction, or his false show of concern, "I could protect you." His tone was low as he tried to sound soft and sincere. He was failing.

"You mean until you end me? Thanks, but I can protect myself." Rage twisted Cato's features; _did he really expect me to just turn on Peeta? To join him? _I knew it was a lie on his part, because I knew what he was like and that this was only an angle to weaken Peeta and I, and it wasn't going to work.

Cato lowered himself until he was only inches away from mine, which since he was about a foot taller then I was, it was quite a sight. "You might not want me now, but trust me Princess," his eyes roamed over me as he paused, suppressing a shiver I held my arms tighter to my body, "when you're dying alone. Without your lover-boy, you'll wish you took me up on this offer." It was quiet for a few seconds as Cato and I glared at each other, until contact on my shoulder caused me to jump broadening his grin considerably seeing that his words had indeed affected me, Cato looked over my head.

"Cato," Peeta's calm voice washed over my panicking heart beat as I realized that he was the one to put a hand on my shoulder. _Breath. _I scolded myself as my eyes squeezed closed for three seconds, _that's all you get. Three seconds to panic and feel afraid, any more and you're dead. _It wasn't a calming thought, but it worked as I opened my eyes to hear Cato address Peeta who stood rigid behind me.

"Lover-boy." Cato replied before his eyes lowered to look at me, once again taking his time as his eyes roamed a little more than what was necessary, "Later, Princess." He grinned before strutting off.

"Lover-boy?" Peeta mumbled from behind me confused by the nickname as I turned to face him, grateful that I no longer had to face Cato. As much as I hated to admit it, the career made me nervous. "What was that about?" He asked once the shock wore off,

"Which part?" I asked looking around to find something for us to do next.

"All of it. Why was he over here talking with you to begin with?" _Was there an edge to Peeta's voice?_ My eyes landed on him, studying his face as I tried to figure out why he had sounded so _off. _

Shrugging I changed the subject, "Should we practice spear throwing next? Or it's almost lunch…" I finished quietly watching how Peeta clenched his jaw, _so there was an edge…but why? _

"Lunch I guess." He answered

* * *

"So, are you going to tell me what that was all about?" Peeta questioned as we sat at our lunch table, swallowing the grape I had popped into my mouth moments before I shrugged.

"Why?" I asked before adding "It wasn't important." Like an afterthought.

"Because!" Peeta blurted before quieting himself and glancing over at the career table, I followed his gaze and met Cato's stare head on, _had he been watching us? _I wondered as he waved his fingers tauntingly in our direction causing the small brunette female to glance over at us as well, Clove I believe her name was, I frowned. _He's not helping. _I noted irritated before removing my stare as I returned to my grapes and popped another one into my mouth. In another reality, some guy waving at me like that would have been enough to make me blush, but then in another reality that boy hopefully wouldn't be trying to kill me. That reason alone was probably why I didn't blush.

"He offered me his protection." I confessed after a tense silence, Peeta's eyes widened and I glared at my grapes like everything was their fault. It was quiet for a little while until he thought over what I had just told him.

"If I thought that he would actually…keep you safe, I'd tell you to do it." His eyes were downcast when I finally looked up at him, "But Kira," I shook my head when his gaze lifted to look at me about to tell me something I already knew, better than he did even. It was strange seeing Peeta like this, the look on his face was something I couldn't describe.

I held up my hand forcing him to be silent. "I told him I could protect myself." I admitted seeing a ghost of a smile on Peeta's lips, "he was only trying to scare me."

"Scare you?" Peeta repeated as I nodded.

"He tried to tell me that when I least expected it you would turn on me, and I'd die alone." I shrugged like it was no big deal, "I think we scare him." Peeta laughed, though it sounded hallow as he brought a hand up to his face. "What?" I asked raising my eyebrows in question.

"He's a career. You seriously think two kids from twelve scare him?" My cheeks tinted pink as I stared at my grapes, _I could tell him why. Explain away the nick name…but what if things get awkward? Having the last person I lo-cared for acting awkward around me before I died would be almost unbearable. The only thing worse would be if he did turn on me…but that…that would never happen. _"Kira," he whispered softly, "Cato's a career. He's been training his entire life for the games, he's not worried about us. Though," he paused looking in Cato's direction once again, "it is strange that he would offer you protection in the games."

"It's because he thinks we're together." I blurted as a blush claimed my cheeks, _why did I have to say that? _I mentally yelled at myself. I hadn't wanted to say that!

"What?" Peeta mumbles confused, I feel small under his stare trying to hide my red face I divert my gaze and explain.

"Our united front has been very convincing," looking at my clean arm, the one that had been beautifully painted yesterday I can't help but smile sadly. Washing it off had been the worst part of my day. "They've been watching us," I repeated what I had told him just over an hour ago, "when you painted my arm," instinctually my fingers on my lefts hand went to where once beautiful vines and small yellow flowers had been as a small smile started on my lips, "while you helped me try to start a fire. Our united front is coming off as too…" I paused long enough to bite at my lower lip, it was a bad habit whenever I didn't want to say something or became nervous. "Affectionate." I chose my word carefully avoiding 'couple like' or 'loving,' or anything that directly related to being intimate.

"Oh," Peeta spoke as he thought over what I had just said before a small grin spread across his face accompanied with a slight blush as he shrugged, "so what, let them think what they want. If anything Cato's jealous."

My mouth opened, _Jealous? Cato? Jealous?! _"J-jealous…of what?" I stammered, and then winced at the sound.

"Of you," He chuckled then amended, "well us actually, I guess." He paused as I stared blankly at him, "Think about it, if we were ahm you know. Together. Then we'd have the one thing they could never have, that no one in the arena has ever had." I frowned as my stomach twisted into a knot, I knew what he was getting at but where my mind went was the darkest place possible as I lowered my eyes. "Kira?" His voice was quiet, questioning at the change of my demeanor.

"I know what you're getting at," I bit my lip as my mind circled around the idea of Peeta dying in the arena, "it's just if two people that actually lo-cared," I corrected myself wincing again, _Love. _My mind whispered painfully, _I can't love anyone here…I can care…but if I lose anyone else that I love…_ I shook myself as I continued to explain, "If they went into the arena and one of them died that would be the worst pain imaginable." I turned to look at the careers table which was oddly empty, _how long have we been talking? _"I wouldn't be jealous."

* * *

Peeta and I don't talk much after lunch when we got back to training, I think my comment about not being jealous bothered him but I'm too grateful for the silence to bother attempting to make any type of conversation or to make amends.

We've moved on to spear throwing, both of us taking turns throwing a spear at the targets that are set up ranging from five feet away to twenty five. Throwing the spears is more difficult then throwing knives, which I can do without breaking a sweat; it takes me nearly a half hour to hit the fifteen feet mark. Peeta doesn't have an issue with the distance, throwing around one hundred pound bags has given him the edge in that way, though his aim isn't as good as mine which it why he's still only hitting the bulls eye for the ten feet dummies.

Watching another spear glide through the air I frown deep in thought, _in a couple days instead of throwing these at targets we'll be throwing them at each other. _The spear impales the dummy through the heart, and I step back to allow Peeta to line up his next shot. We've been doing this for a half hour, like a well oiled machine one of us steps forward picks a spears and weighs it in the palm of our hand getting a feel for it since not every spear is the same, before getting into a throwing stance and eyeing our target and sending the spear flying through the air. I watch Peeta make his throw, but all I can think of is what our best plan of action is.

The most obvious answer is to fake a relationship, if Cato's comment is anything to go off of then they already think we might be in one, _It's not the worst idea. _And it isn't since the worst idea is not doing what I knew would work and get Peeta and myself killed as a result, that was the worst that had crossed my mind. _Snow didn't believe that Katniss loved Peeta, and they kissed…I couldn't kiss Peeta._ My cheeks flared as my stomach gave another twist, **THUNK **Peeta's spear hit its mark. Looking over at Peeta my stomach gave another painful twist, _it wasn't supposed to be this way, I wasn't supposed to claim that I had feelings for Peeta… _Peeta turned and opened his mouth about to say something, _let alone actually have feelings for him. _

Lifting my hand up to my cheek my finger tips brushed just under my eye feeling moisture I turned and headed to the elevator. Training was ending for the day anyway. _I had promised that I wouldn't cry again, that I couldn't afford to look weak. _I was angry as I heard Peeta call after me, the elevator door opened and I stepped in followed by Peeta who looked concerned, but I was angry as Haymitch's words rang loud and clear in my ears, _I do know of Kira's skills. And her weaknesses. And now I know them too. _My hands balled up into fists, _the reason I didn't notice Cato behind me, the same reason he brought up Peeta. My weakness was Peeta Mellark. And what was worse, was that Cato figured it out. _Clenching my jaw I felt the immediate discomfort set in, _my guard was down when we were together, because I felt safe and because I…cared about him. _

* * *

Sorry the chapter is soo short! But hey we left off on a positive note, kind of, right? And two chapters in less than a week! After not updating for awhile you guys definitely deserve the chapter…unfortunately this isn't all positive, as I mentioned at the end of my last chapter my mother is sick, her surgery is scheduled for June and depending on the results of the biopsy I may be temporarily moving in with her. Now normally I wouldn't bother to share personal info like this, but my mother doesn't have internet…I know right? In her defense she is going on fifty seven…I think. Anyway, I will try to update one more time before June but just in case I can't I wanted you all to know that I have not gone a-wall and will return. I just don't know how long, or if I will be staying at my mother's for. As always you can feel free to PM, if I've been absent for any longer than a month that will be the only way to get updates between chapters.

Okay! Thank you: Grapejuice101, for your review you've been such a loyal reader and I'm honored that you still care about this story!

And to our new readers who added this story to their following or favorite list this month: Calypso66, Afire Love, .33, BlackRoseSouth, Dreaming-world, Azure-x-Roze, Anonymousethefirst, and lastly PensiveProsperity! Welcome! And I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.


	16. Weakness

**Chapter fifteen**

May contain book/movie spoilers, Author's note will be at the bottom.

"Kira!" Peeta shouted as he grabbed for my hand to stop me from storming off like I had intended on doing, I think he had been trying to get a response out of me the whole ride up but my mind was still racing, _Cato knows my weakness. _My heart was racing as I turned and yanking my hand from Peeta's, the hurt that showed on his face stopped my breathing for a brief moment, _I never wanted to hurt him. Katniss was your weakness, and now you're mine. _I wanted to shout the words that circled in my mind.

_It makes sense doesn't it? _I hissed at myself as my eyes narrowed in both anger and fear, _I thought that my choice to come here was my own way out of my personal hell, and it is because keeping a smile on my face while not knowing where my family is has been hell, but Peeta…he made it easier. He was the reason I came here, to spare him all the pain that I could, from having his heart broken by Katniss when he would discover her lies, to protect him in the arena and to send him home alive whole, hopefully without any blood on his hands. But how can I do that? _I screamed at myself as I paced away from Peeta running my fingers through my hair, another nervous habit of mine, my legs bumped into the pale white couch and I glared at the offensive object before dropping on to it as I sat there I felt Peeta sit down next to me. _You're my weakness, and he knows it. _

"Cato knows," I stated my voice low, almost cold, as I looked up at Peeta to see the confusion on his face "he knows my weakness, Peeta."

He frowned, "what're you talking about? Did he say something else?" He asked as my anger and fear only grew. _I don't want to kill anyone…but if I don't then at the end Peeta will have to, I can't let that happen. I can't let the capital turn him into something he's not…I'll have to figure something else out…_

"Do you know why I said I wouldn't be jealous?" I snapped before my voice became quiet. _Too much! _I internally screamed at myself, _I said too much! _"We're…friends." I sigh, slowly still barely above a whisper trying to back track, "he's going to use that to his advantage. Our friendship…it's our biggest weakness." Peeta seems to be thinking over my words carefully, _our friendship…it's our biggest weakness. You are my biggest weakness, and I couldn't bear it if you died because of me. _

"H-hey it's okay." He states before pulling me in for a hug, an actual embrace where my face is buried in his chest, and I can't help but feel weak as I realize at some point I started to shed silent tears. His arms are wrapped tightly around my shoulders, "it's going to be okay," his whispers "because we'll stay together. No one will use us against the other, I promise." And it's a promise I know he can't keep, and I know he knows it too.

Peeta's grip loosens enough that I'm able to sit up, putting a small amount of distance between us. I watched shocked and unable to move as Peeta starts to wipe away the tears that cling to my cheeks, "is that really what you got so worked up about?" he asks quietly searching my eyes for the truth, I close my eyes and give a single nod, sure that I'm blushing because it wasn't just that I was scared they would use Peeta to hurt me or vise versa, it's also that I just realized _I lo-care for Peeta. More then I should. _

And the thought scares the hell out of me.

* * *

After my terrifying realization Peeta and I go separate ways, both of us needing a shower before dinner or Effie will have our heads about being all sweaty and dirty. My showers however offered little comfort as my mind continued to go over different scenarios of what could go wrong, the only thing I have officially decided is that I need to talk to Haymitch. It's actually incredibly lucky that after I'm dressed and my hair is brushed into a high ponytail that when I open my door I spot Haymitch headed to dinner.

"Haymitch, wait!" I call stepping out into the isle, leaving my door open behind me. He pauses and turns to face me, "can we talk?" I ask, "In privet." I add almost as an afterthought, but I want him to get the drift that I don't want anyone else hearing what I have to say.

"Sure, sweetheart." The use of the nickname that he would have given Katniss has my mouth opening out of its own accord of shock, this was the first time he'd called me that. Nodding I stepped back to allow him into my room, once the door is closed Haymitch watches me expectantly waiting for me to tell him why I wanted to speak in privet.

"It's about our privet sessions tomorrow," I confess trying to sound confident, like my mind was already made up, "when they're over, I want to be trained separately."

Haymitch studies me for a few moments in silence, "interesting," he finally mumbled as I arch an eyebrow at him, _did Peeta already ask? _I wonder pushing away the slight disappointment that bubbles up at the idea, after all if I was asking I couldn't be upset that he would too, "though, I have to ask, why?"

I have to swallow back my thoughts as I look directly at Haymitch, "honestly I don't want Peeta to know about my plans to bring him home." I explain, "if he knew he'd only fight me on it, he'd go on about how his life isn't more important than my own…" I trail off realizing the truth in my own words, _he would fight me, and that would be his argument to…and that is why he can't know until it's too late. _"I can't have him trying to talk me out of this."

"So you are still trying to sacrifice yourself for that boy?" I hesitate before answering Haymitch, my eyes finding the carpet more appealing than his face at the moment.

"I care about him." I whisper, afraid if I say it too loudly that it will be all too real.

"Sweetheart, I've known that since the train ride here, the only one who doesn't is that boy down the hall." Blushing I look at Haymitch, _of course he knew, that explains all the questions about our relationship. _

I laugh running a hand over my head, "of course you did." I pause long enough to let the information sink in, "I don't want Peeta to know until after our privet sessions, he doesn't need the distraction."

Haymitch nods agreeing, "I'll handle it." I feel a mixture of relief and guilt at that, relief that I won't have to see Peeta's face as I tell him and guilt that I felt so relieved. "Now if that's all, I'm starving." Haymitch doesn't wait for me to acknowledge his statement before opening my door and stepping out. I take the moment of privacy to close my eyes and breathe through my nose, _Tomorrow is our privet sessions, our interviews will be the next day and then…off to the arena we go. Three days until the bloodbath begins. _

* * *

Dinner had been tiresome with both Haymitch and Effie going over everything we should do and what we absolutely must avoid, how to present ourselves and asking questions about who was watching and how trainging went in general. "Actually, we had a shadow." Peeta states as I stiffen in my chair, I had no intentions of telling Haymitch about my run in with Cato, Peeta looks at me with a small smile as Haymitch and Effie wait for him to continue, "I forgot to tell you, but that little girl from eleven, she was kind of following us around today."

"Rue?" I asked blinking owlishly, I hadn't noticed the girl at all, probably because of my run in with Cato and the stares from the careers had been more of a distraction then I had thought, or was it because I was watching Peeta? _I need to pay more attention. _I scold myself as Peeta nods. "I didn't notice." I admit lowering my gaze to stare at my almost empty plate,

"Well you were busy." Peeta states and I know he's giving me an opening to tell both Haymitch and Effie about Cato, but I don't take it.

"Busy? I thought I told you two to stick together." Haymitch looks angry, and undecided about who should receive his wrath as his eyes continue to shift between Peeta and I

"We did." Peeta states, "We were doing more physical stuff today so we had to take turns at a lot of the training areas." He pauses, "I must have noticed Rue while you were sparring." I nod, grateful that he wasn't spilling about my run in with Cato, apparently that was my secret to tell.

"Alright. Any idea what you two are going to do for tomorrow?" Haymitch changes the topic, and I couldn't be happier because in the shower I had come up with exactly what I'm going to do to ensure the highest score I can get. After all they respond best when you demand their attention, when you take it whether they want to give it to you or not. _I know exactly how to get what I want. _My grin catches Haymitch's attention as he raises his eyebrows, "Kira? Something you want to share?"

I shrug, "not really. I'm just going to throw around some knifes, shoot some arrows." _Set some fires…if I can start one. _My grin falters at the thought, _tomorrow before lunch I'm spending those two hours practicing my fire starting skills. _

"I'm just going to throw some weights around," Peeta shrugs.

"You should set up some targets," I blurt as he meets my gaze, and I can feel my face heat up _this is stupid, I never used to be so girly? Self-conscious? Either way, we've been friends for a year…it's dumb to act this way now. _I poke at my food with my fork as I continue, "aim for the dummies…it'll show that you're not only strong but you're accurate."

"That's a good idea," Haymitch agrees, _he's enjoying this. _I think as I avoid glaring at him but glare at my food instead, _now that I know, he's enjoying watching me make a fool of myself…_

"Thanks," Peeta nods after a moment.

After dinner I can't wait to get back to my room, hide under the covers and pretend that this mess wasn't happening, of course Peeta has other plans. "Kira, wait up a sec." Unwilling I stop and turn to see that he's basically jogging down the hall, _had I really been walking that fast? _I wonder as I watch as he slows down before he gets to me, "what was that back there?" Peeta asks as I stare blankly at him, _did he notice me blushing? _Is the first thing that pops into my head, "I gave you an opening back there. Why didn't you tell them about Cato?"

I sigh exhaling the breath that I had been subconsciously withholding, "because it doesn't make a difference. There is nothing they can do about it." Peeta closes his mouth unable to dispute what I had just said, _what are they going to do? Give Cato a time out for intimidating the competition? _

"But he's shown interest in you, that alone is why we should have told Haymitch." Peeta points out, apparently not entirely backing down yet.

"He intimidated me. I'm not going to go crying to Haymitch because I got scared." And there it was, the truth Cato had scared me into realizing what made me venerable and I didn't want anyone else knowing that.

Peeta crossed his arms and looked away, and a part of me couldn't help but think it was kind of cute, him being all concerned. "Fine." And with that I watched as Peeta disappeared into his room which was only a few doors away from my own.

* * *

All too soon Peeta and I found ourselves where we would normally be eating lunch, waiting to be called in to our privet sessions. Peeta and I haven't spoken, my dream last night where I was forced to watch as Cato killed him was all too real and has left me both determined to prevent that from happening and scared that I will fail. Peeta defiantly noticed that something was up, because I did end up spending two hours starting fires, but he didn't question me about it, I assume because the dark circles under my eyes told him all he needed to know.

"Peeta Mellark!" The over head speaker's calls as my head shoots up to watch him slowly stand, I almost watch him leave it silence until panic grips me once more.

"Peeta!" he stops, confused as he looks over in time to see that I'm basically sprinting over to him, I throw my arms over his shoulder as he stands there awkwardly, "you're going to do great." I whisper as he wraps his arms around my lower back pulling my body in closer to his own, I pull back after a couple seconds determination fully settled on my face now, "remember line up some targets, aim then throw." He doesn't need the instruction, but it makes me feel better to have said it.

"Thanks. I will," he nods as I back up to allow him to leave, "you…shoot straight."And it's weird. Because I swear those are the exact words he said to Katniss in the book, I watch him go in silence after that trying to rid myself of the unwanted feeling that crept up.

I sit around waiting for about twenty minutes, with nothing to do but plan out in detail what will happen when I walk into my privet training session. "Kira Collins!" I look up, blinking as I small smile claims my lips.

"Show time." And I walk through the big double doors that everyone else has disappeared through, I'm not surprised when no one looks up at my entrance, it's just as I expected but that's fine. I nod to myself I need the few extra minutes to set up anyway. I get to work setting up my stage, after setting three descent sized fires I go and retrieve as many arrows as I can carry, it takes a few trips but once I've collected enough arrows I lay there metal tips into the fire waiting for them to catch fire and heat up, while I wait I go and collect some throwing knives. _To pass the time. _I think noticing that starting some fires had got me some attention, briefly, but starting a fire is hardly impressive and they all go back to their food, wine and conversations.

_That's fine. _I smirk; _soon you won't be able to ignore me. _

I throw a handful of different kinds of knives at the dummies, some short other long, some with odd curves and some are serrated other are smooth but all are deadly, aiming for the head, heart and jugular I make sure to hit ever vital point. No one pays attention. _It's time to heat things up. _I can't help the smirk, sure they'll get their revenge while I am in the arena but at this moment I don't care, as long as I stay on script then I will be fine. I walk over to where I left the arrows, I'm careful while I pick them up to avoid touching the scolding hot ends and line up my shots to where the Game makers sit blissfully unaware that I'm taking aim above their heads.

And I'm proud of myself for learning to shoot two arrows at once, it took years of practice at home but there was nothing I loved more than a good tick shot.

I'm quick to fire, once the arrows have landing in the wall behind their heads panic erupts, people are screaming and falling over themselves one lands in the punch bowl, but I'm not done. It takes me a total of thirty two arrows to complete the first word, but only nineteen to complete the second. The word 'GAME OVER' is burning behind and slightly above their heads, not that they are standing there anymore, still I can't help but grin it took fifty one arrows to complete my vision and now even with half of the game makers on the ground, hiding, and the other half completely out of the observing room I'm sure my message was received loud and clear. Dropping the bow I make my exit, without a word and without waiting to be dismissed I walk to the elevator and press the button.

Authors note: Okay so I'm not entirely sure what came over me but this chapter played out in my head last night so effortlessly that I wanted to write it lol

A big thank you to Grapejuice101 as always your kind words are greatly appreciated! I'm not sure if Cato is jealous, maybe a little more manipulative? We'll see. :)

Thank you LadyPhoenixKnight for following and adding this story to your favorite list!

I hope everyone enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it.


	17. Twelve

**Chapter Sixteen**

May contain book/movie spoilers, Author's note will be at the bottom.

As soon as I step off the elevator Haymitch and Effie are on me like a pack of wild dogs, seeing them has the colour draining away from my face as I lock my jaw. _I don't regret my choice. The only one who will be punished for it will be me. _I tell myself firmly as I ball my hands into fists, but I can't help the uneasiness that lingers with the idea that I'll have to tell them about what I did, how I had not only targeted the Game Makers but also had left a message for Snow these games were going to end, even if I didn't make it out of the games I had left the most important thing back home waiting for Haymitch to return. The only thing left for me to do was get Peeta out alive so he and Haymitch would be able to prepare and lead the rebellion, '_they don't need me, I'm irrelevant, I'm the girl who doesn't belong.' _

"What took you so long?" Haymitch barks, I'm not sure what has come over me but in this moment my shoulders are squared in defiance as I stare directly ahead until Effie speaks deflating my metaphorical bubble.

"Do I smell smoke?" She asks her voice a little too high as her eyebrows pull together in confusion; Haymitch looked over at Effie with a mixture of confusion and irritation at her question. Neither realizing how close they were to the truth of the matter.

It took all of my determination to not shift awkwardly under their combined gazes as I opened my mouth to reply, "They had a roasted pig, maybe that's what you smell." It wasn't a straight out lie, they did have a pig that I assume was roasted, though I highly doubt that was the smell she was referring to. Haymitch catches my gaze, instantly I know he doesn't buy my explanation, thankfully he doesn't press for answers giving me the chance I need to escape. "I need to shower," the whisper leaves my mouth as Effie distracted nods, turning I hurry out of the living room seeking the safety my quarters provided.

Once my clothes have fallen to the tile floor and I'm under the spray of the shower my mind starts to wonder as my body relaxes, this had been the place I'd come up with my idea for the privet training, _'I don't regret my choice' _I bite my lower lip at the thought, I was playing with fire, literally. _'And if you play with fire, you're going to get burned.' _ My eyes closed with the thought, resigned to the thought that they would set fire to me in the arena, I could count on it.

After my needlessly long shower I stayed hulled up in my room until dinner, I wouldn't call it hiding necessarily, I wasn't afraid to face anyone. I just simply didn't want to; instead I used my time to try on multiple outfits, before settling on a pain of blue leggings and a lime green long sleeve shirt that had a long trail in the back. I also brushed my hair up into a high ponytail using a lime green hair elastic that sported a rose. It was a simple earthy outfit that would hopefully radiate calmness, the complete opposite of how I'd been earlier, no earlier I'd been bold bordering on insane, mission oriented, I had no room for being calm or peaceful in a place like this. But hopefully if I looked the part no one would bring up the privet sessions.

It was strange, looking in the reflection to see the girl I'd become in the year I'd been separated from my family. For equally how much I looked the same, I also looked different; the outfit would easily resemble something I'd have worn before being dropped into this nightmare. I was stronger now, bolder; I had nothing left to lose. I could see it there in my eyes and in the way my lips pressed together into a line, where a smile should have been, this world had already started to chip away at the person I was and I hadn't even entered the arena yet.

_'If I've changed this much already, how will I be after taking a life? After seeing someone die?' _I worried my lower lip between my teeth, _'will they be able to see that look in my eyes?' _

A sigh escaped my lips as my teeth freed it from its worrying grasp; there was no use in thinking these things, I'd know my answer soon enough. Casting a look at the clock I noted it was dinner time before slipping on a pair of brown flats and exiting my room that had provided me some safety.

* * *

"Alright Kira, Peeta's told us about his privet session. How did yours go?" Haymitch's question has all eyes on me as I'm sure my expression falls into to one of horror, _'So much for being able to avoid this conversation.'_ "Tell me you didn't do as bad as I think you did." I swallow hearing his gruff statement as I drop me gaze downcast, '_I have to tell them…Katniss told them what she did, but I didn't exactly do what she did…' _at that moment as I glanced around to see the expectant faces I wish I had just done what she had, why did I need to feel different? Why did I want to target the game makers…to send Snow a message sure, but was that really the wisest move on my part? '_Probably not.' _I answer my internal ranting with a cringe.

"I umm," I clear my throat blushing, "I sort of shot arrows at the game makers." As soon as the words leave my mouth there's a collective gasp of surprise and a shrill scream leaving Effie's throat that has me cringing all over again as she clasps her hands over her mouth, she holds my attention at the moment as I watch her eyes water, it what I assume to be horror. Haymitch who is seated next to her lets out a low whistle sitting so far back in his seat that I'm surprised the chair doesn't flip over, my gaze travels to Portia next who looks shocked and mortified, Cinna is the complete opposite of everyone else at the table. His expression is set in to a mask; he's so calm as he meets my gaze that he evokes the words straight out of me. "That's…it's not the worst part."

"Oh god," Effie sobs, probably convinced I've killed someone. Lowering my gaze to stare blankly at my hands that are pressing so hard into my legs that I'm sure they'll leave bruises, I don't want to look up to see the reaction of what I'm about to confess, especially Peeta's reaction. After all he's about to realize that the capital has already started to change me.

"The arrows…they were on fire."

My whisper seems to evoke chaos in its wake, "You set the game makers on fire?!" Effie's shrill voice pierces the air.

"Are you trying to make yourself a target?" Haymitch demands no longer in a state of surprise but in one of anger, as he slams his hand down on the table causing his glass to shake.

"Now hold on," Cinna speaks calmly, his hand rising in a universal sign to stop.

"Hold on?" Portia cuts him off in a tone that is so far from the teasing one I'd heard her use on Peeta the first time we met that I'm forced to look up and see the ire in her stare, "they're going to take this out on her in the arena, probably Peeta too, they'll make an example out of them." I cringe instinctively looking at Peeta who's seated next to me, he's stiff, probably with fear and shock, but his eyes are down cast to stare at the table so I can't be entirely sure.

"Probably." Cinna agreed, "But there is nothing we can do about that now, Kira, was anyone hurt?" He asks, and I wish he hadn't brought the attention back to me; reluctantly I pry my eyes from Peeta to Cinna to answer his question.

"No, I aimed above their heads at the wall behind them." The simple sentence causes me to ramble uncontrollably, as a spew of work vomit leaves my mouth "I mean, they were all scared. Running…screaming, some tripping over each other and one fell into the bowl of punch, but I didn't hit any of them. If anyone was hurt it was from the panic. Not the fire or the arrows." Cinna nodded as a spoke and as I finished Haymitch burst out laughing, startling me.

"What I wouldn't give to have seen that," he laughs shaking his head, his anger at me temporally forgotten, as I stare open mouthed at him.

"We can use this for her image, she's already the girl on fire, and now fire has become her weapon. If you'll keep up the use of it within the games, it could possibly go in your favor for the audience." I nod taking Cinna's advice very seriously, if I want them to not punish Peeta for my actions I'll have to do whatever it takes to make them think it's a part of my signature. Alone.

"Or they'll think she's taunting them, they'll set her on fire." Portia points out as another sob wracks Effie's shoulders, my eyes shift between the two women unable to figure out why Effie is so worked up, "you said arrows. How many arrows did you shoot at them exactly?" Portia's blue eyes pierced me with her question as my own widened in fear of my answer.

"I uhm, fifty one?" It came out as a question as my voice wavered in embarrassment,

"Fifty one?!" Portia repeated her mouth dropped, the anger had dropped from her face as her mouth hung open to be replaced by the familiar shock and horror.

"A little over kill, don't you think, sweetheart?" Haymitch asked quietly, apparently being shocked by the number as well.

"Well, I…I was leaving a message." My eyes lowered, '_I can't be embarrassed by this,'_ I thought as my nails scrapped against the pant leg as my hand closed into fists. "I'm not sorry." I stated quietly, the tremor in my voice gone.

"Alright, okay…" Effie spoke for the first time since her startled scream, whipping at her face to remove any trace of her emotion that had leaked from her eyes moments ago. "I'm on damage control right?" She asked looking at the adults; I noted that she avoided looking at me until her head bobbed up and down twice. "Then I need to know," her voice shook when her green eyes finally did land on me, "what was your message?"

I licked my lips; Effie wasn't going to like my answer. '_She especially out of everyone in this room…probably_.' My eyes drifted to Portia, '_I don't know where she stands.' _This fact reminded me that I didn't know if I could trust her. "Game over."

"Game over?" Effie repeated confused, "why would you leave that?"

My spine stiffened as my eyes narrowed at her question, _why wouldn't I? _I wanted to spit, was she really so blind to the fact that this was wrong? "It doesn't matter." Haymitch cut in before I could take my debated swipe at Effie and all the capitol people alike, when I meet Haymitch's gaze I almost lower mine, almost, his stare is hard, scolding in a way. '_He thinks my move was dumb, impulsive.' _"She's confident," he states still staring directly at me, I can't help but wonder how much of his words are true or just for my benefit for the games. "Trying to tell the game makers they already have a victor, that the games ended as soon as she volunteered." My lips pursed, '_that was not my message.' _Haymitch lowers his eyebrows in a glare, almost like he read my current thoughts and was telling me if I spoke them aloud I would be dead because no one in this room would help me in the games if they knew my message was not one of confidence, but of war.

_'Haymitch can lie for me, but I don't have to sit here and pretend.' _With that thought I stand pushing my chair out with the force of my movement, causing a painful scream to admit from it "I think I'm going to head to bed early." I say as an explanation, I don't expect anyone to abject since my presence is a source of tension at the moment, I was wrong.

"You can't" Effie states her eyebrows rising; "everyone has to watch the judge scoring." I can't help but frown; I'd forgotten that capitol broadcasts were mandatory for everyone.

"Then I'll just go and sit, wait for the scoring." I say irritated that she'd stop my departure

Effie seems slightly shocked as she raises her nearly nonexistent eyebrows, "you're skipping dessert, again?"

"I'll eat cake when there is something to celebrate." I shrug, the last thing I want to do is celebrate my time here, I'd have cake when I returned home. Effie nodded as I turned to make my way to the couch, without looking to see the expressions of the others, my heart beating a mile a minute as I went. _'At least Cinna doesn't hate me, and Haymitch doesn't seem to angry anymore…they're my greatest allies outside of the games, if I alienate them it'll mean I'll die sooner.' _My teeth graze over my lower lip as I realize doing that could cost Peeta his life, since surely I'll need what they send from the sponsors to keep him alive… '_Is there really any guarantees? What if they don't send me anything? I'm not Katniss after all.' _

"Penny for your thoughts," startled I look up to see Cinna standing a few feet away eyeing me, _'how long has he been standing there?' _

Clearing my throat I awkwardly shift taking note that the other are still in the kitchen, or at least aren't in the sitting area yet. "I uhm, was just thinking about the games." I answer as honestly as I felt I could,

"Are you worried?" He asked, easily seeing through any front I was trying to put up.

"Not for myself," I reply honestly unable to pull my gaze away from his knowing expression, "I don't mind playing with fire. Or walking through it, if I have to. As long as no one I," I pause finally able to pull my gaze away "no one I care about gets hurt."

"That's honorable," Cinna states as I shrug,

"It's not really." My eyes turn to him, and I know he catches it the hostile look that has crept into my expression, "I hate the capitol, I hate these games." I breath bowing my head, "I guess if I'm going to die anyway, I want to be remembered, by anyone as the girl who fought back." It was strange, hearing the words leave my mouth and how easily I had said them to Cinna as he came and sat on the coffee table directly in front of where I sat, and if I had found that strange I was completely floored when he took my hands into his bigger ones and pulled them between us gaining my attention.

"I can't imagine what you're going through." He paused, his voice instantly going quiet, "what anyone who's been in those games has gone through. But if you'll let me, I'd like to help you." He smiled sweetly as my eyes widened in shock from how sincere he sounded, "let me help you be remembered, be the girl that embodies fire. You've got a spirit inside of you; don't let these games snuff that out." I nod unable to find the right words to say, not that I have much of a chance because as soon as he drops my hands the rest of the people we've been waiting for all make their appearance.

* * *

I was pleased to see that Peeta still sat next to me on the couch, I didn't want to admit it out loud but I'd been worried that he'd be angry once he found out what I did. Even though he hadn't made any real point of talking to me, and I couldn't exactly see any more hugs in our near future knowing that he's still sit beside me was enough to have a small smile on my lips. Cinna had seated himself on the arm chair closest to the end of the couch where I sat, while Portia sat the furthest from me at the other arm chair, surprisingly Haymitch had been the one to take the seat next to Peeta. Leaving Effie to stand awkwardly between the couch where Haymitch sat and the chair that Portia sat in.

It would be a lie to say I paid any real attention to the scoring; it went from one to twelve, boys first followed by girls. Only when Peeta's picture popped up on the screen did I lean forward slightly, eager to know how he did, the number nine flashes on the screen and I can actually hear his exhale that Peeta releases. For the first time since I dropped the bomb on him about what I'd done in my privet sessions, Peeta actually looks at me and there's a small relieved smile on his lips. My own smile brightens some until I hear Effie's exclamation,

"A twelve?!" confused both Peeta and I turn to see my picture has appeared on the screen, with a twelve beside it, I swallow my mouth going dry. "They've never done that before." I can head Effie state, but my mind only registers one thing and I can't help but say it.

"They've put a target on my back. That's why it's a twelve Effie," my voice is quite but clearly heard as I watch the screen fade to black, "they want me out of the games as soon as possible." _'In the blood bath.' _

**Authors note:** Wow the last chapter received seven reviews! That's the most reviews I've received for a single chapter, also this story now has one hundred followers! Very exciting! So sorry this took so long, I'm happy to report though that my mother's skin cancer has been removed, though we're still waiting on other results which hopefully should be coming in within the next week. Unfortunately I have a lot on my plate this summer guys, I'll still try to get a few chapter up, but with looking for both a job and an apartment, as well as raising my three year old and going to my mother's a few days out of the week to help her out around the house, I just don't know how much time I'll have to write. It'd the damndest thing though, whenever I'm at my mother's I always get a scene in my head for a story, and since I don't have a computer there I've had to result to writing on paper…I'm not a paper writer, sadly I feel it takes twice as long. Anyway, I'm rambling.

A big thanks to: Grapejuice101, Alleycat023, Shadowed Replica, Babynora1983, LadyPhoenixKnight, ViolaPsiquBlack, and Wickedclownsmile for your reviews and continued support! I draw inspiration from each and every one of you, :)

My favoritours: TheNamesCocoaPuff, Carmynsorena, sunshine4evr, Imagine831, queen6404 I hope this chapter was up to par!

And my followers, thanks to all of you I've reached 101! DanielleBurkex3, MarySemira, Emerlyn452, beaconhills97,


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